Farewell My Concubine

| Istanbul, Turkey | Related | June 26, 2013

(My mother, father, sister and I are all on a trip to Istanbul. We are visiting the palace of the Sultan, and are getting a tour of the harem.)

Tour Guide: “The sultan would pick favorites out of his wives and concubines and, as you can see, there were perks to being a favorite. They would get nicer rooms, and courtyards. However, this position wasn’t permanent. Usually, if a favorite and the sultan did not have relations for two consecutive Fridays, they were considered ‘divorced’.”

(My mom looks over at my dad.)

Mom: “We’ve been divorced for years.”

Dad: “And many times over.”

Sister & Me: *facepalms*

They Don’t Know Jack

| London, England UK | Right | June 24, 2013

(While working at an artefact exhibit for the RMS Titanic, I am standing by a list of all passengers and crew on board. The list is broken down by class and survived or lost. )

Customer: “This list is wrong. I can’t seem to find Rose’s or Jack’s name.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “Rose DeWitt-Bukater, and Jack Dawson. I looked everywhere in the list, and they’re not there.”

Me: “No, they wouldn’t be.”

Customer: “Well that’s stupid. Rose should be in the first class list, and Jack should be in the third class. This is wrong.”

Me: “Because they’re not real.”

Customer: “No, I’m pretty sure they were.”

Me: “And I’m definitely sure they were not.”

Customer: “Well in the movie—”

Me: “In the MOVIE, Rose gives them a fake name and tells them she’s in third class. She would be listed as Rose Dawson if she existed. And Jack won his ticket in the first ten minutes of the movie, so his name would have not been on a record anywhere, which the movie pointed out in the first five minutes. And it’s a movie.”

Customer: “Next you’re going to tell me the Heart Of The Ocean is fake too!”

Me: “Yes, I am.”

Customer: “Then what did I spend £20 on? What a waste of money!”

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E Pluribus Dumbum, Part 2

| Berkshire, England, UK | Right | May 30, 2013

(Our museum has a big display of Roman materials. I’m sitting in the second room: a room full of mosaics. Next door is the first room: a room full of Roman tools. We have an example of almost every Roman tool I’ve ever seen. A lady and her daughter walk out of the first room, into the second.)

Daughter: “How did they make all of these things, mummy?”

Lady: “All of them BY HAND! The Romans had NO tools!”

 

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Bigots Don’t Get A Discount

| Germany | Right | May 15, 2013

(I work at the ticket office of a museum. Tickets are €4 for children, and €6 for adults. We also have a family ticket for €17. A mother with two children comes in.)

Customer: “I’d like a family ticket for me and my kids.”

Me: “Ma’am, it’d actually be cheaper to buy three separate tickets.”

Customer: “Are you trying to tell me we’re not a family just because I’m a single mum? I can’t believe you’re discriminating against single parents!”

Me: “I’d never. In fact, I was raised by a single mother myself.”

Customer: “What if a gay couple came in with two children? Would you give them a family ticket?”

Me: “Yes, I would, because it’s a better deal for them.”

Customer: “So, those fancy rainbow families get a discount, but a hard-working single mum of two who can hardly make ends meet doesn’t?”

(Before I can respond, the customer grabs her children and storms off.)

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Discrimi(nation)

| Canada | Right | May 14, 2013

(I work at a museum which features a large permanent exhibit of local First Nations artefacts, living spaces, and other historical paraphernalia. Because of this, we offer free admission to First Nations patrons. I have just finished printing tickets for two First Nations women. The next woman in line is Caucasian.)

Woman: “Did they just get in for free?”

Me: “Yes.”

Woman: “Why?”

Me: “They’re First Nations. We offer free admission to those with status cards.”

Woman: “But that’s outrageous! I have to play $15, and they get in free just because they’re lazy natives?”

Me: “Ma’am—”

Woman: “It’s not our fault they spend all their money on booze and can’t afford the museum! Why should they get in for free?”

Me: “Ma’am! This museum features artefacts that were at one time stolen from the local bands. They are now put on display in exhibits of cultural history, of which the museum now makes a profit. You think we should charge the members of the culture it was stolen from to come see it?”

Woman: “Yes!”

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