We have a customer who brings in a twelve-exposure film to our camera man to be processed.
Customer: “How soon will it be back?”
Coworker: “Thursday.”
Customer: “Boy, I’m glad I didn’t bring in a twenty-four- or thirty-six-exposure film, that would take forever to come back!”
Makes sense to me!
I’m chatting with a strange but pleasant elderly lady customer.
Customer: “Look what I have in my purse!”
It contains some polished rocks, or shells, or pearls. Upon her offering, I take several out and look at them curiously.
Customer: “These are the gallstones they took out of me last week.”
I hope I didn’t toss them back into the purse too quickly.
I work at a large retail store chain. A regular customer comes in.
Customer: “You guys always help me with what I need!”
Me: “We try!”
Customer: “I know, and I thank you for that. But I need you to watch my kid while I shop at [Rival Store].”
Me: “Um, no, sorry, that’s not something we can do.”
Customer: “Oh, is it because I’m not shopping here today?”
Me: “No, even if you were shopping here today, we still couldn’t watch your son for you.”
Customer: *Turning red* “I need a babysitter while I shop, and my last one just quit on me!”
Me: “I’m sorry about that, but we could get in trouble because we aren’t a licensed daycare. You have to take him with you.”
Customer: “I don’t care! I’m leaving him here. I’ll only be gone for two hours at the most. Just watch him and feed him if you need to! He likes breast milk, and it looks like you have plenty. Now, goodbye!”
She stormed off. I called my manager and told her the situation. She didn’t believe me at first, but I told her to go watch the cameras. She did, and when she came back, she was on the phone with the police. Meanwhile, the kid was starting to realize that his mom had just left him, and he was starting to get upset. We called over a couple of employees to watch him until the police arrived.
They arrived quickly, and they watched the cameras, too. I told them the regular customer’s name and where she told me she’d be, along with the name of his father, who is also a regular. They managed to reach him on his cell phone and tell him the situation. He came to pick the child up, and I later learned the mother was arrested for abandonment and child endangerment. She’s been banned from our store, but we sometimes go to the same gas station, and she gives me the finger every time!
Related:
Ah, Parents, Part 3
Ah, Parents, Part 2
Ah, Parents
I work in the meat department at a local grocery store. I hear my name called from out front, and it’s my store manager. A customer is looking for something and he’s unable to help, so I head out and approach the customer.
Me: “Hi there! What is it you’re looking for?”
Customer: “I’m looking for some brats but with cheese.”
Me: “We’re unfortunately out of a lot of stuff, but we have quite a few different brat options.”
I show her everything we do have, which isn’t a heck of a lot due to it being the morning of the fourth of July. After I show her all her options, she thanks me, and I go back to stocking the shelves from getting weird it the night before. Maybe ninety seconds later, the same customer approaches me.
Customer: “So, what are bratwurst?”
Y’all, it takes every ounce of over a decade of retail work’s worth of learning how to deal with customers to not make a face.
Me: “Uh, well, ‘brat’ is just short for ‘bratwurst.’”
Customer: “…?”
Me: “The word ‘brat’ is just short for the word ‘bratwurst.’”
Customer: “…?”
Me: *Internal sigh* “They’re the same thing.”
Customer: “Oooh… Okay?”
I’m still not convinced she understood.
I’m at the vet for my dog. A mother and child are sitting in the waiting room.
Me: “Hello, I’m here with [Dog].”
Receptionist: “Okay, and any problems with her?”
Me: “She’s got some irritation on her… um, lady parts.”
Young Child: “Mom, what are lady parts?”
The mother gives me a hate-filled look.
Mother: “You tell him!”
I sat as far away from the mother and child as possible while waiting for the vet!
