(I work for a popular cell phone company in general care. I am answering questions about a woman’s international charges.)

Customer: “I don’t get why you are billing me for international!”

Me: “Well, ma’am, since you do not have an international plan, you get charged per minute for calls internationally.”

Customer: “That doesn’t make sense! Why don’t you charge me for calls to Florida?”

Me: “Florida isn’t international, ma’am. That’s a part of the United States.”

(I live in a relatively small town and have lived there all my life. I know the place inside out and walk through downtown to get to work pretty much every day.)

Tourist: “Excuse me, do you know where the nearest Starbucks is?”

Me: “Of course, if you go–”

Older Man: “Yes it’s downtown right before the bridge detour you can’t miss it!”

Me: “Sir, I believe that’s [Coffee Shop], not Starbucks.”

Older Man: “No, it’s Starbucks!”

Me: “Sir, that’s [Coffee Shop]. There’s never been a Starbucks there.”

Older Man: “No, you’re wrong! When exactly did it become [Coffee Shop]?! Hmm?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but it’s been [Coffee Shop] for about two years now.”

Older Man: “Well, unless Starbucks left and changed the name overnight, you’re wrong!”

Me: “It didn’t. It’s–”

Older Man: “Right! So it’s Starbucks and you’re wrong!”

Me: “Any veggies on your sandwich?”

Customer: *mumbles*

(I think I hear “onions” and reach for them.)

Customer: “No, no, no, no, no, no, NO! No onions, no onions, no, no, NO!”

Me: “I’m sorry, no onions then. What did you say?”

Customer: *repeats veggie order*

(I get to ringing her up and she begins to apologize.)

Customer: “I’m sorry if I startled you.”

Me: “Oh, it’s okay.”

Customer: “It’s just… I don’t like onions.”

Me: “It’s really okay.”

Customer: “No, you don’t understand. You would have had to remake my sandwich. I hate onions! They make me want to vomit! Vomit everywhere!”

(I am dusting and organizing a shelf when someone comes up and punches me in the back really hard, twice. So hard, in fact, that the wind is knocked out of me. I turn around and there’s a man I’ve never seen before.)

Customer: “Oops… sorry! Thought you were someone else!” *walks off*

(My coworker runs over to me to see what’s going on.)

Coworker: “Did he just hit you? What was that about?”

Me: “Yeah… he said he thought I was someone else.”

Coworker: “Why don’t you go sit out back for a minute and maybe have some water? I’m going to go tell [manager] what happened!”

(I go out back for a minute or two. Suddenly, I hear people yelling and come back in. I see the manager chasing the man who had hit me out of the store and yelling that he was calling the police.)

Me: “What is going on?”

Coworker: “Well, I was on my way to speak to [Manager] when a customer stopped me. That guy came up behind me and squeezed my left boob! Then he said, ‘Oops… sorry! Thought you were someone else!’ and walked off. I ran up to [Manager] and then [Coworker #2] came running up and said the same guy had just grabbed him in the crotch and had said the same thing!”

Me: “Wow! I guess I got off easy!”

(I am a customer at a deli. I am the second in line.)

Cashier: “Would you like to donate a dollar to [charity]? You’ll receive a–”

Customer: *ahead of me* “No! What is it with all these add-ons? I’m so sick of it! You should be ashamed of yourself!”

(The customer continues her tirade and the poor cashier looks like she is near tears. The customer is finished, then the cashier rings up my order. The customer continues to stand at the counter as she is waiting for her food.)

Cashier: *to me* “Would you like to donate a dollar to [charity]? You’ll receive a free coupon book.”

Me: “A coupon book? Sure, why not?”

(The cashier takes my money, and hands me the coupon book.)

Customer: *to me* “What kind of coupons are in there?”

Me: “I don’t know. You can take a look, if you want.”

(The customer flips through the coupon book. She then goes to put it in her purse.)

Me: “Excuse me? That was my coupon book.”

Customer: “Oh right! Oops! How silly of me!”

(She hands me the coupon book.)

Customer: “Say, how about if I buy that $10 off coupon for [local party supplies store] off of you for $1?”

Me: “Well, I guess so.”

(The customer hands me $1, and I give her the coupon. I then turn to the cashier and give her the dollar.)

Me: *to cashier* “Can I donate another dollar and get another coupon book?”

Cashier: “Sure!”

(The customer looks confused and embarrassed.)

Me: *to customer* “Oh, by the way, I get annoyed with all of the extra questions and add-ons too. But I find a simple, ‘No, thank you,’ works just fine.”

Customer: “Hmph!”

(She crosses her arms and pouts until her food is ready. She then grabs it and stomps out.)

This story is part of the Confused-By-Coupons roundup!

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