Feel-up On Aisle 5

(I am dusting and organizing a shelf when someone comes up and punches me in the back really hard, twice. So hard, in fact, that the wind is knocked out of me. I turn around and there’s a man I’ve never seen before.)

Customer: “Oops… sorry! Thought you were someone else!” *walks off*

(My coworker runs over to me to see what’s going on.)

Coworker: “Did he just hit you? What was that about?”

Me: “Yeah… he said he thought I was someone else.”

Coworker: “Why don’t you go sit out back for a minute and maybe have some water? I’m going to go tell [manager] what happened!”

(I go out back for a minute or two. Suddenly, I hear people yelling and come back in. I see the manager chasing the man who had hit me out of the store and yelling that he was calling the police.)

Me: “What is going on?”

Coworker: “Well, I was on my way to speak to [Manager] when a customer stopped me. That guy came up behind me and squeezed my left boob! Then he said, ‘Oops… sorry! Thought you were someone else!’ and walked off. I ran up to [Manager] and then [Coworker #2] came running up and said the same guy had just grabbed him in the crotch and had said the same thing!”

Me: “Wow! I guess I got off easy!”