My boyfriend has a untrained dog who, embarrassingly, jumps on people any chance he can get, and humps legs. One day my boyfriend came home from walking him, while I was cleaning under the TV stand, and yep, the dog tackled me and went to town before I could shove him off.

Later that month, I had a doctor’s appointment and found out I was pregnant! We had been trying, but my boyfriend was a little quiet at first. Everything went well, and when I had my ultrasound we found out we were having twins.

I told my boyfriend, “I know you’ve been worried about fatherhood, but I know everything will be fine with our little girls. My mother’s going to help out financially, and we have enough room in the nursery for a second crib.”

He replied, “It’s not the money that worried me. I’m just glad you’re not having puppies.”

(I am a 20-year-old female. I am 4’11” and 100 pounds… the same exact height and weight I was when I was 12. I’m also an actor, and since I’m young-looking I book roles frequently for teenagers and preteens. I have booked a role for a show that takes place at a high school. They need me on a day they are filming at a museum because they are shooting a field trip scene. I drive to the museum, park in the section that they bought for the day for the production, and walk into the main square. Apparently several middle schools are having actual field trips so there are tons of students and chaperones. I see no sign of a TV crew. I walk up to the first woman I see.)

Me: “Hey, do you know where the production for [Show] is?”

Woman: *looks very confused* “What? What school are you from?”

(I realized that I am being mistaken for a teenager and not an adult. I smile.)

Me: “Oh. Haha, no, I’m not here with a school. I booked a role for a show and they’re filming here today. I just don’t know where they are.”

Woman: *scowls, clearly not believing me* “Look, I’m not here to play games. Go get back in line with your group. Who is your chaperone?”

(I sigh and start to walk away because I don’t deal well with people who don’t listen.)

Woman: “Hey, don’t just walk away! Go to your line!”

Me: “I am 20 f****** years old, and I’m here today to play a student for a major show for Hulu. Sorry you don’t listen to other adults when they talk to you. I’m not a god-d*** minor, so piss off.”

(Instant regret flashed over her face as she tried to come up with a response. Later that day she saw us filming on the other side of a large room and we made eye contact. It was awkward.)

(The phone rings.)

Manager: “Thank you for calling [Store]. This is [Manager]. How can I help you?”

Female Caller: “A man is going to call you and ask if you sell handcuffs. Tell him you don’t.”

(About two hours later, the phone rings again.)

Male Caller: “Hey, um, do you sell handcuffs?”

Manager: “Yes.”

Male Caller: “I’m parked in the back. If I give you my card, could you bring me the handcuff keys?”

(My manager went into the back parking lot to find that this guy had been handcuffed to his steering wheel. Instead of making him pay for handcuffs, my manager pulled out his key and unlocked them. Not only had this woman gotten mad enough to handcuff him to the steering wheel, she called every adult store in the area to tell them not to sell him keys. Hell hath no fury…)

(My younger sister is playing video games at home. She has just finished crushing someone in a fight.)

Sister: *laughing maniacally* “Ha-ha, I have WON AGAIN!”

Sister: *listening to other players*

Sister: *to other players* “But it’s an honor to lose to me!”

(We have a musical theater program at my school so there are pianos in some of the classrooms. My class is starting, so we are all moving items left behind out of the space. I’m moving the piano, which I usually do because it moves on wheels. It tilts and falls on me.)

Classmate: *screaming bloody murder* “It fell on her! Oh, my God, the piano fell on her!”

(Apparently, one of the wheels was broken, but the previous class failed to notify anyone.)

Me: *dazed and numb* “Can someone help me? I think I’m stuck.”

Teacher: “Don’t move!”

My classmate starts lifting from the opposite end, causing more damage.

Classmate: “I got it.”

Me: “No! Stop! Please stop!”

(A couple of other classmates come and lift it from my side — common sense! My teacher and one of those classmates help me up the stairs to get bandaged up at the office. She even blows on my boo-boos before putting on the bandages.)

Teacher: “Why don’t we go back downstairs to get your stuff? I’ll get some ice for you.” *after getting back* “All right, I’ll see you tomorrow. Can you help her back to the bungalow? Rest up!”

Me: “What?! No! Please! I’ve worked really hard. Please let me stay.”

Teacher: *flabbergasted* “Um, er, oh, ok. Sure!”

(She even let me perform my monologue, albeit sitting down with a chair under my injured leg. I’ll never forget the sweet, motherly kindness and understanding of my teacher that day, the stupidity of that girl further injuring me, and my other classmate carrying me ALL the way from class to my front door, princess style!)

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