Her Opinion Is Chaste

| Antwerp, Belgium | Right | March 25, 2017

(A regular couple of ours has a deal with my boss: modeling some of the bondage gear, as well as testing items we’re not too familiar with, and in return they get an employee’s discount. The woman walks in and softly requests to see my boss. Once he’s out of the backroom, she bends over and whispers:)

Customer: “Hey, that chastity belt you wanted us to test? It’s comfortable, but the key broke.”

Boss: “All right. I’ll take it back, then.”

Customer: “Yeah, that’s the problem. I’m still wearing it.”

(We got her out in no time at all, and pulled them off of the shelves because the boss didn’t trust the keys anymore.)

The Conversation Has Become Adulterated

| England, UK | Working | July 31, 2016

(My girlfriend and I are browsing a new, high street, adult store. They stock a range of normal items and clothes but also some more ‘adult’ themed items. Having never been to this type of store I am a little taken aback and taking this opportunity to be as juvenile as possible and a bit of a pain to her. After some good natured scolding we get to the checkout with some very mundane items.)

Cashier: *a sweet looking woman who must be at least 65* “Can I interest you in any of the items on the check out?”

Girlfriend: “Oh, no, thank you.”

Cashier: “We have several [massagers] that are really cheap at the moment.”

Girlfriend: “No, thank you, we are not interested in any of them.”

Cashier: *seeming to ignore our request to pay and get out* “This one is VERY good and 50% off.”

Girlfriend: *getting a little weirded out about how much she seems to like her own products* “No, that’s fine. Just our items.”

Cashier: *eyes glazing over as she almost speaks to herself* “I have one of these myself. They are so good. I have gone through at least a dozen batteries, and if they break they replace them for free.”

(The product was a “large” item, one I later stated looked more like a sci-fi weapon than anything else.)

Girlfriend: “Please, just our items.”

Cashier: “Hmm… oh, okay.” *rings us up*

(As we are walking out:)

Cashier: *waving it at us* “Come back if you change your mind!”

(Safe to say we never did go back. I did wonder how many other items she could ‘personally recommend’ although couldn’t blame her for finding job satisfaction!)

Refuses To Move From The Subject

| MS, USA | Right | August 17, 2015

(I work at an adult store in the same building as a topless club. I answer the phone for both sides. As you can imagine, we get a LOT of prank calls. Having worked here for over a year, I’ve gotten the same people more than once. This guy in particular I’ve gotten three times.)

Time 1:

Caller: “You sound like you’re ready to go home.”

Me: “Yeah. I’ve been here almost all day.”

Caller: “Well you do me a favor. If someone gets in your way on the way home, you tell them to ‘move b****.’ Can you do that for me?”

Me: “Um… sure.”

Caller: “What are you going to tell them?”

Me: “Move.”

Caller: “No, you tell them to ‘move b****.'”

Me: “Okay. Byyyeee.”

Time 2:

Caller: “You sound like you’re ready to go home.”

Me: *it had been a while since the first time and I’d forgotten about him* “I guess?”

Caller: “Well you do me a favor. If someone gets in your way on the way home, you tell them to ‘move b****.’ Can you do that for me?”

Me: *remembering* “I don’t like to give in to road rage.”

Time 3:

Caller: “You sound like you’re ready to go home.”

Me: *immediately remembering even though it’d been a while* “Actually I love my job.”

Caller: “Yeah, but sometimes you’re just ready to go home.”

Me: “Nope. I love being here.”

Caller: “Well, I bet when you get off you’re just ready to get home.”

Me: “Not really. I love my job. I love being here.”

(He keeps trying to get me to give him his opening.)

Me: “I don’t really like driving at night.”

(I immediately realized my mistake but it was after midnight and I hadn’t gotten much sleep the night before.)

Caller: “Well if someone gets in your way—”

Me: “G** d*** it.” *click*

(Next time I’m telling him I live here.)

Touchy Feely Service

| Pasadena, MD, USA | Working | September 13, 2013

(I work at an adult store, which allows the employees to be a little less professional at times because of the content matter we have to deal with. I am currently helping a young couple.)

Guy: “Are we allowed to touch the clothing displays?”

Me: “Displays?”

Guy: “The boxed displays on the wall?”

Me: “Oh! Hon, those aren’t displays. Feel free to touch them to your heart’s desire; just don’t open them. I can do that for you.

Guy: “Really? We’re from New York and all the shops up there won’t let you even touch the displays; they keep everything hidden in the back. They have to get everything for you and they always have to ask you every five seconds if you need help.”

Me: “Really? Well Hon, welcome to Maryland; we don’t give a s***.”

(I made two regular customers that night.)

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The Homo Critical Are Hypocritical

| Quakertown, PA, USA | Right | May 16, 2013

(Three men walk in at the same time to the adult bookstore where I work. Customer #1 heads straight for the lesbian porn. Customers #2 and #3 are regulars, and they are a couple. They have specially ordered certain items, and are there to pick them up.)

Me: “Hey, guys! I have your order in the back. Let me go get it!”

(I disappear, but as I’m picking up their box of items, I hear shouting. I rush out front.)

Customer #1: “Homosexuality is a sin! Read the f****** Bible!”

Customer #2: “Sir, you’re yelling at us in a porn store, while holding a DVD of lesbian porn. You are just a hypocrite, and I don’t need to listen to you.”

(Customer #2 grabs Customer #3’s hand, and they continue to walk around the store. Customer #1 turns red, but comes to me to check out.)

Customer #1: “Can you f******* believe those f***?”

Me: “I can, and you know what? I love them, and accept them for who they are. As for you, I don’t accept your hatred. Get the h*** out of my store.”

(I take the DVD, put it into the return to shelf bin, and wait for him to leave. He starts screaming.)

Customer #1: “I’m going to put you in your proper place as a woman!”

(Customer #2 and #3 come over.)

Customer #3: “She told you to leave. Either you leave on your own, or we’ll help you.”

(Customer #1 turns pale, and runs out of the store.)

Customer #1: “The f*** are gonna get me!”

(I turn to the two regulars.)

Me: “Would you like a free DVD?”

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