Next Time, Date An Adult

, , , , | Right | June 13, 2020

My girlfriend and I have been dating for a while, and since she has never been to an adult store, I decide to take her. When we are in the parking lot, I tell her to get her license ready and she says she doesn’t have it. I suggest that we go back for it since it isn’t too far, or that we could try to go in anyway and see if we get carded. I’m a few years older and haven’t been getting carded anywhere lately. We decide to see if we will get carded and walk in.

Employee: “Hi, welcome to [Adult Store]. I just need to see your driver’s licenses, please.”

I show her mine.

Girlfriend: “I forgot mine at home.”

Employee: “I’m sorry, but I need to see ID.”

I start to turn around, but my girlfriend starts to argue with the employee.

Girlfriend: “I’m twenty years old.”

Employee: “I’m sorry. I still can’t let you in without ID.”

Girlfriend: *Gestures at me* “But she’s twenty-seven. Can’t she be my legal guardian or something?”

Employee: “I need to see both of your ID’s.”

Me: “Come on. Let’s go back for your license; it’s not that far.”

My girlfriend starts to get really snotty.

Girlfriend: “I’m twenty. I’m in college. I go to John Carroll. Do you know where John Carroll is?”

Employee: “I’m sorry, but I can’t let you in without your license.”

Girlfriend: “I go to John Carroll.”

Me: “Honey, they have to check. She could probably lose her job if she doesn’t check—”

Girlfriend: “Yeah, whatever. We weren’t going to buy anything, anyway.”

My girlfriend stormed out. I followed her, calling, “Sorry!” over my shoulder. I was so incredibly embarrassed! We later broke up over her immature behavior.

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Unfiltered Story #192940

, | Unfiltered | April 28, 2020

Ok, so for a while I worked at a popular chain store that sells many joke items as well as some “adult items.”
I am 19 and female, so you can already imagine the harrasment I recieved from some people (moslty guys, but sometimes girls too) about my preferences and piercings.
On this particular occasion it was two guys, they were looking for a prank to play on their buddy, i used the term gag as a synonym for joke. These guys quickly made me uncomfortable. One guy even going so far as to tell me “I have something you can gag on.” I was mortified, my manager asked them to leave. They hung around in the hallway in frobt of the store until security, who manager had called told them to leave. They left for a bit then it ws getting closer to closing time and they came back.
This time my manager had me go to the backroom while he phoned the police. The police had to escort me home to ensure that they wouldn’t follow me. I was encouraged to file a formal restraining order. I never did and the guys were banned from the mall.

Unfiltered Story #192461

, , , | Unfiltered | April 25, 2020

So I used to work at this adult toy/lingerie shop on a street that had a lot of bars and clubs. Saturday nights were usually crazy, because by 9:30 no one who came into the store was sober.

So a lot of the adult shops in the city sell things called “poppers.” For those who don’t know, these are little bottles of chemicals used for cleaning. Think similar to nail polish remover, only stronger. It has nicknames, like “video head cleaner” or “Rush” (name of a brand.) People usually huff the fumes to get a really fast high, and usually during or right before sex to supposedly enhance the experience (Note: poppers don’t actually enhance sex, people just think they do. People will do a lot of bullshit to their brains and bodies in the persuit of sexual enhancement. Working in adult shops has taught me this one very, very true thing. When it comes to enhancing sex *or the illusion of it* no one thinks about what they are actually doing to/putting in their bodies.)

Problem with this is it’s essentially huffing chemicals, and yes it is harmful to the brain. A lot of customers didn’t believe me, but poppers are, in fact, illegal in the state of Illinois for the exact reason that they have been proven to damage/kill brain cells (most of the people who didn’t believe me or were surprised when I told them poppers damage the brain had been using them for a while…) If you walk into a shop and ask for “poppers,” technically, the employee is not allowed to sell them (if they are actually stocked in that store.) But if someone asks for it by one of these nicknames, they sell it. This is the legal loophole used to avoid getting in trouble with the law.

Anyway, because of their illegality, and because of the potential for brain damage, we didn’t carry them. Our store owner was really big on the health and safety of the customers (even if the customers didn’t give two shits about it.)

So one busy Saturday night, quite possibly the most DRUNKEN customer I’ve ever had stumbles through our door, and fairly shouts at me:

Customer: GIMME YOUR BEST POPPERS!!

Me: We don’t carry those.

Customer: OH…I’m sorry *air quotations with fingers* I mean “video head cleaner.”

Me: You can call them whatever you like, we don’t carry them.

Customer: *looks around* So…just…dildos?

Me: Dildos, vibrators, lingerie, lube.

Customer: OH GIMME YOUR BEST LUBE THEN!

Me: *sigh* Water-based or silicone-based?

Customer: Silicone!

Me: *picks up best silicone product we have* Well this is Uberlube. It’s our no. 1 selling silicone lube, and it’s the highest quality on the market.

Customer: I’ll take it!

Me: *goes to the counter begins scanning item*

Customer: So…how’s it work?

Me:…it’s lube. You put it on your bits for lubrication for sex.

Customer:….but…how does it affect…the nostrils?

At this point it became clear to me that this man, either because he’s drunk or stupid…or both, thinks that “lube” is another term for poppers (it’s not.)

Me:…it doesn’t. It’s lube. …In fact this kind is odorless.

Customer: …I love that you’re saying all this with such a straight face!

Me: Well I’m being completely serious. This is lube sir.

Customer: Okay…*winks* how does your store survive without selling poppers?

Me: We do just fine.

Customer: Okay…okay…

So he pays for the lube and stumbles his way back out. I don’t think there would have been any way I could have convinced him that what he bought wasn’t a popper. I’m sure he woke up the next day, with a massive hangover, a stuffy nose and a new bottle of high-end lube.

Unfiltered Story #184489

, , | Unfiltered | January 29, 2020

(I work in an adult novelty/video store, where I am lucky enough to be able to kick out customers if they are causing any problems or make me uncomfortable in anyway. A middle aged couple walks in.)
Customer: Hey, my girl and I were looking for your dog on girl videos.
Me: That’s illegal. We don’t have any.
Customer: Really?
Me: Yes, really. Is there anything else I can help you find?
Customer: Do you have a dog?
Me: Oh h*** no. Out!

A Hole In Their Knowledge Base That Is Being Filled In  

, , , , | Right | September 17, 2019

(I work at an adult store. It’s pretty quiet and I spend most of my time watching YouTube videos or surfing the Internet. I just had a customer walk in and after 30 minutes of her walking around she finally comes up to talk to me.)

Me: “Hi. How may I help you?”

Woman: “I’m confused. What do you do with all these toys?”

Me: “Anything really. But mostly you just find a hole and stick it in.”

Woman: “What about this?” *holds up a battery-operated toy*

Me: “Find a hole and stick it in.”

Woman: “And this one?” *battery-less toy* 

Me: “Find a hole and stick it in; you may start to see a pattern here.”

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