Run A Battery Of Tests

, , , | Right | December 29, 2017

(I work in an adult store and there are no returns, for obvious reasons. We test anything that vibrates before it leaves the store. If customers are undecided on something, I offer to put batteries in it for them so they can see how it works. This happens almost every time.)

Me: “We can take it up to the counter and test it if you want.”

Customer: “You can test them?!” *obviously disgusted*

Me: “Not like that.” *trying not to roll my eyes*

Getting More Back Than Just The Return

, , , , , | Right | December 22, 2017

(I work at an adult store. For obvious reasons there are no returns, but we test everything before it leaves the store so someone can’t bring it back and claim it didn’t work. A customer comes in looking for something he and his wife can use together. I help him pick something and test it for him. An hour or so later, he comes back in.)

Man: “Yeah, can I return this? She wasn’t interested. We didn’t open it.”

Me: “…”

Getting Nice Homely Calls From Customers

, , , , | Right | December 20, 2017

(I work in an adult store that’s in the same building as a topless club. I answer the phone for both businesses.)

Caller: “How much is it to take one of the girls home?”

Me: “You can’t do that.”

Caller: “I’m sure some of them do that. Can’t you just ask them?”

Me: “No. You. Can. Not. Do. That.”

Caller: “Oh, come on. I’m sure that’s going on.”

Me: *click*

You Need Coffee For Callers Like This

, , , | Right | December 18, 2017

(I work in an adult store that’s in the same building as a topless club. I answer their phone as well as ours, but most people call with questions about the club.)

Caller: “How’s it looking down there?”

(We get this question a lot, and I honestly don’t know if they would prefer it be packed or empty, so I usually respond the same way.)

Me: “I don’t know. I answer the phone in the adult store next door.”

Caller: “Oh, really? What’s your favorite thing in the adult store?

Me: *rolling my eyes* “I don’t have a favorite.”

Caller: “Oh, come on!”

Me: *looking around quickly* “My [Coffee Maker]. Does that work for you? My [Coffee Maker] is my favorite thing here.”

Caller: “Well, that’s no fun.”

Me: “It is for me. I really like coffee.” *click*

Adult Stores Gets The Least Adult Calls

, , , | Right | December 15, 2017

(I work in an adult store, but I answer the phone both for us and for the topless club next door. Most people call with questions about the topless club.)

Caller: “What are the qualifications to work there?”

Me: “You have to be 18.”

Caller: “Oh, okay. That’s it?”

Me: “Yep. You’d have to fill out an application and talk to a manager.”

Caller: “Oh, okay. Well, I’m real pretty.”

Me: “Okay.”

Caller: “I mean, I’m a little thick, but some guys like that.”

Me: “Uh-huh.”

Caller: “And I have a few burn scars. See, I grew up in the ghetto. Let me just start from when I was born—”

Me: *click*

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