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, , , , , , , , | Right | January 25, 2010

(I’m ringing up a young couple for a video game. The girlfriend asks about the game and the boyfriend describes it to her.)

Boyfriend: “[In the game] you’re one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.”

Girlfriend: “Which one?”

Boyfriend: “War.”

Girlfriend: “Who are the others?”

Boyfriend: “Famine, Pestilence, and Plague.”

Girlfriend: “Who makes this s*** up?!”


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Someone Needs To Switch To Decaf

, , , , | Right | January 29, 2008

(I’m at the front bar of a certain coffee shop, in the middle of making a caramel macchiato. An old, angry, hovering customer approaches me.)

Customer: “What are you doing? I didn’t ask for caramel; I’m allergic! Are you trying to kill me?! I had to wait in line all this time and I can’t get a d*** coffee made right!”

Me: “Ma’am, this is a caramel macchiato. I’m sure this isn’t your drink. What did you have today?”

Customer: “I had a latte. I’ve been waiting for ten minutes!”

Me: “Ma’am, there’s a latte right here on the counter right next to your handbag.”

Customer: “Why didn’t you tell me? I’m late for my movie!”

Me: “Ma’am, I called the drink out three times; you were standing there the whole time.”

Customer: “You should have called louder!”

Me: “I’m sorry, I was practically yelling. I figured it was loud enough. Well, there you are, have a nice day.”

Customer: “YOU MADE ME LATE FOR MY F****** MOVIE!”

Another Customer: “You get the evilest people here, don’t you?”

Me: “LA’s finest. Here’s your macchiato. Have a nice evening.”


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