I work in a university library.

Patron: “Hi, I’d like to buy this book.”

Me: “Sorry, sir, but we don’t sell books. You can borrow it, though.”

Patron: “No, I don’t want to borrow it. I want to buy it!”

Me: “Well, then, you could go to [Local Bookshop]. It’s not even three minutes away.”

Patron: “But I wanted to buy it here… Do you really never sell any books? Ever?”

Me: “Well, we do sell books sometimes, but only old books we don’t need any more, and it’s not often. The one you want is fairly new, so no, we probably won’t sell it.”

Patron: “Aww, that’s too bad.”

He hands me the book and I put it away. I think he’s leaving but he comes back suddenly.

Patron: “Actually, do you have any comics?”

Me: “Yes, we have some historical comics in the history section and some educational comics in—”

Patron: “No, no, I mean fun comics.”

Me: “No. You might want to try [Local Comic Shop] or [Local Public Library] for that. They’re not far from here, either.”

Patron: “But why don’t you have some? You’re also a library.”

Me: “Because we’re a university library, sir, not a public library. All books here are supposed to help students with their classes.”

Patron: “But students need to relax sometimes!”

Me: “Yes, obviously, but we’re located in the town center. Students can relax pretty much everywhere here; there are bookshops, the comic shop, the shopping center, the cinema, coffee shops, and many more.”

Patron: *Muttering* “Mmmh… it’s really too bad that you don’t have comics… Too bad…”

He finally left. I have no idea why he didn’t just go to any of the shops or the public library.

Related:
Book This One Under Lost Cause

I work in a library. I’m going through our craft supplies to find items I need to make a fall craft. However, when I pull one box off of the shelf, I notice MAGGOTS inside the box. I throw it in the trash and notice they’ve spread to the shelf, too. I’m working with [Coworker #1], who is known to be very squeamish and hates bugs, and [Coworker #2], who has a very strong stomach.

I approach [Coworker #2] and whisper to her.

Me: “I found maggots in the craft supplies. Can you help me clean it up and find out where they came from?”

Coworker #1: “What’re you whispering about?”

Me: “You don’t want to know.”

[Coworker #2] and I return to our supply room. We determine that the maggots were inside a bag of acorns and make sure to seal that off. We then take everything out, clean it down, and disinfect everything.

When we return:

Coworker #1: *To [Coworker #2]* “What’s going on?”

Coworker #2: “Really, you do not want to know.”

We’re both very polite but adamant about it. However, [Coworker #1] won’t drop the issue. She keeps asking what we found. Finally, [Coworker #2] gives in and whispers to her:

Coworker #2: “Maggots.”

[Coworker #1] starts screeching.

Coworker #1: “Maggots! Gross! I hate maggots! That’s disgusting! I wish you hadn’t told me!” 

She was loud, but she didn’t go on any longer than that.

Two days later, we all got called into my boss’s office. Apparently, one patron had overheard the outburst and complained. And that’s how three librarians got in trouble for making too much noise in the library.

Customer: “And al-leg-edly…”

Cashier: “Sorry, did you mean allegedly?”

Customer: “No, it’s al-leg-edly.”

I work in a pretty big and popular library; movies on DVD and BluRay especially never stay on the shelves for long.

Today, a patron approaches me because she can’t find one of them.

Patron: “I checked the catalog; it says that movie should be available.”

I go to check the shelf again and then call up the item’s record at the reference desk. The movie hasn’t been checked out in three years! Safe to say, it has probably been stolen.

Me: “I’m so sorry, that movie appears to have gone missing a while ago. The record needs to be updated; the item’s no longer here.”

Patron: “No, but it says in the catalog that it’s available.”

Me: “Yes, that’s a faulty record. I’ll delete it right away. I’m sorry I can’t get that movie for you.”

The patron turns around her phone to show me the catalog.

Patron: “But see, it’s right here!”

I tried to explain to her how our catalog works, but eventually, she just left in a huff.

Related:
A Catalog Of Errors, Part 8
A Catalog Of Errors, Part 7
A Catalog Of Errors, Part 6
A Catalog Of Errors, Part 5
A Catalog Of Errors, Part 4

In the small public library where I work, we have free activities for children during school breaks. For autumn break this year, we have, among other things, an arts and crafts table. Kids can colour, construct toys out of empty toilet paper rolls, etc. We ask kids and their minders to pick up after themselves when they’re done. A grandmother and her kids come up to the information desk.

Grandmother: “Hi. I just wanted to let you know how great it is that you have all these activities. My grandkids are visiting over school break and I wouldn’t know what to do with them, otherwise.”

Me: “Thank you. Our young guests seem to appreciate it.”

Grandmother: “You’re going to have a lot of clean-up on your hands, though.”

They promptly left. Feeling suspicious, I went to the arts and crafts table and found it completely wrecked. Coloured paper was thrown everywhere, colouring pens and glue sticks without their caps were thrown on the floor, and the toilet paper roll toys my colleague had painstakingly constructed earlier in the week for inspiration were stolen.

I know the culprit, because we checked the table just before this family arrived and it looked fine. I know I’m not supposed to say this as a librarian, but I really hope those visitors won’t come back.