(We’ve purchased an elliptical exercise machine to replace an old broken one. I am at the point in life where “delivery and setup,” even with a service charge, is a nice thing. The salesman pulls me aside.)

Salesman: “Uh, we’ve had some problems with this company. Expect a call from them within 24 hours to schedule a time. After that, they will call the day before delivery and cancel, typically rescheduling the delivery for the following week.”

Me: “Uh, okay.”

(I work from home, so while annoying, this isn’t inconvenient. Also, the neighborhood I live in is fairly new, with several houses still under construction. The back-and-forth between myself and the delivery company plays out pretty much like the salesman said, except I get a call on the rescheduled delivery day:)

Delivery Company: “We’re really backed up, so we’ve outsourced your delivery and setup to another company. They should be there today.”

Me: “Okay, thanks.”

(They show up as expected and do a great job setting up the new elliptical.)

Me: “Thanks, guys. Uh… how much to haul off the old elliptical?”

Delivery Guy: “Does it still work?”

Me: “No, the bearings are shot.”

Delivery Guy: “$20 okay?”

Me: “Sure!”

(I gave them $20 plus a nice tip. They hauled off the old elliptical and I was happy… until the next day, when I saw my old elliptical peeking out the top of a construction dumpster one street over.)

Me: “Welcome to [Shoe Store]. What can I help you with today?”

(The customer brushes me off as her herd of kids, ages toddler to preteen, run around the store disrupting customers and making a large mess. I’m used to both these things so I’m not overly stressed about it. Her kids start running in and out of the door, messing up our conversion — how many people come in versus how many people buy something. Again, this happens a lot so I’m very tolerant. She finally comes to pay for her shoes, about ten pairs. She sets all the shoes on the wrong counter.)

Customer: “Who the f*** shoes are these?!” *pointing to an exchange I am waiting to complete* 

Me: “Those are shoes from another customer I am waiting to exchange, but if you help me move your shoes to the other counter I can scan your shoes.”

Customer: *stares at me with disbelief* “You’re rude!”

Me: “I’m sorry… but I need to move your shoes to the other counter so I can finish the sale.”

(The customer throws all the shoes on the floor and starts to storm out as my coworker comes out from one of the aisles after hearing the noise.)

Customer: *points to me* “She’s a f****** rude little b****!” *leaves*

Coworker: “You just asked her to move the other counter right?”

Me: “Yep.”

Coworker: “It’s going to be a long shift.”

(I am the cashier at a popular ice cream fast food chain. This occurs as I am serving a couple who are approximately in their late sixties.)

Me: “Hello! What can I get for you today?”

Customer #1: “Hello, I’ll take a chocolate sundae and whatever she’s having.”

Customer #2: “I’ll just have an ice cream cone, please. Thank you for paying; that’s quite sweet of you.”

Customer #1: “Eh, from this I’m just hoping to get lucky!”

(The customers chuckled a bit as I was struggling to contain my laughter!)

(One of my friends has recently gotten a job at a fast food restaurant that I have worked at for almost a year. I am in the kitchen and she is in the drive-thru but I am helping her with any questions she might have.)

Friend: “Hello, what can I get you today?”

Angry-Sounding Man: “I want the number three meal, large size.”

Friend: “All right, and what to drink with that, sir?”

Angry-Sounding Man: “I don’t want a drink.”

(It takes my friend a moment to say anything and I can tell she’s confused. I remind her that she can’t ring up a meal without a drink.)

Friend: “I’m sorry, sir, but you can’t get a meal without a drink.”

Angry-Sounding Man: *sounding even angrier* “I don’t want a drink and you can’t make me get one! I want the meal without the drink and I’m gonna get it.”

Friend: “I’m sorry, sir, if you don’t want the drink I’ll have to ring it up separately.”

(The man said that was okay but then got to her window and asked her to change it to the meal without the drink. I guess he didn’t realize it was the same person… although she was the only one taking orders and the only one wearing a headset.)

(My mom owns a coffee roasting company in northern Indiana. Once a year, we sell coffee at a booth at the county fair. My sister and I help her sell coffee and give out samples. A middle-aged man approaches me wanting a sample. For context, it’s important to know that stronger, more caffeinated blends are always our lighter roasts rather than our darker roasts simply because when the beans are roasted for longer it burns out a lot of the caffeine in the bean itself.)

Customer: “I need to try a cup of your strongest coffee ASAP.”

Me: “Absolutely!”

(I try explaining to him the process of how the beans are roasted to make stronger coffee — people tend to think darker roasts are stronger because of the taste — but he cuts me off mid-explanation.)

Customer: “I know about all that; I know my coffee, kid.”

Me: “Okay, good to know.” *hands him his cup* “There you go, sir. Have a good one!”

Customer: “Yeah, thanks.”

(As he starts to walk away, I see him sip the coffee, stop walking, and sip it again. He turns around and storms back to the booth, getting in my face.)

Customer: “What the h*** is wrong with you? Cut the bulls*** with me right now because I know this isn’t your strongest roast.”

Me: “Sir, I tried to explain to you that lighter roasts have the most caffeine; you said you wanted the strongest roast we had and that’s it right there.”

Customer: “Oh, right. Thanks.”

(He sipped one more time and just walked away.)