I work in a call center taking orders for medical equipment for lease. We have an online form patients can fill out requesting we call them to complete a reservation.

I call one patient three times and leave messages. Finally, his daughter calls back.

Caller: “Hi. My dad put in a reservation online and we didn’t receive a call. His name is [Patient].”

Me: “Actually, I personally called both numbers he provided and left messages. Did you receive those messages?”

Caller: “My mom erased it.”

Me: “Did she listen to it before erasing it?”

Caller: “Well, no. She just erased it without listening. So you should have called back.”

Me: “I have no way of knowing that my message was not heard; I wouldn’t have known to call again.”

Caller: “That is a ridiculous excuse. You should have called when we didn’t receive your message.”

Me: “I guess I’m not following.”

Caller: “Can I get someone with a brain in her head? Someone who cares when people don’t get her messages?”

Me: “Well, it seems you did receive my messages. I can’t control if you decide to listen to them or not.”

Caller: “Well, you should just know!”

I work in the call centre for a car insurance company that also offers roadside assistance.

Me: “Thank you for calling [Car Insurance Company]; you’re speaking with [My Name].”

Customer: “Oh, hi, I’m just wondering why you guys send out this promotion that ends on the twenty-ninth of September when it’s the second of October.”

Me: “Well, what most likely happened is we sent it out to you before the end date and you’re only just reading it now.”

Customer: “Ah, well, that would make sense. I got the letter a month ago.”

Further along, I’m updating his contact details.

Me: “Sir, do you have a mobile phone number that I could put into our system?”

Customer: “No, sorry, I only use my mobile in case I break down and don’t like to give it out.”

Me: “Well, sir, we are actually the roadside assistance company that you use, and if you call us and we need to call you back, we need your mobile number.”

Customer: “Oh, right. It’s [number].”

Later on, in the same call, I’m doing an insurance quote for him.

Me: “I understand that you want the policy to start at the end of November, but unfortunately, we can only do a quote for insurance a month in advance, so this is going to be a guide only.”

Customer: “That’s fine. I understand.”

We get to the end of the quote and he’s happy with the price.

Me: “Now, would you like me to give you a call at the end of October so we can go ahead with this policy?”

Customer: “Wow, that’s a bit far in advance, isn’t it?”

Me: “Your original reason for calling was to take out the insurance policy two months in advance and this is only one month in advance.”

Customer: “Oh, all right, then. That’s fine. Call me on my mobile.”

I facepalmed.

I take a call at 2:00 pm.

Client: “If I get documents to you by the end of the day, can you still file them with the court today?”

Me: “Yeah, sure. There will be a rush fee, but I should be able to do it. What type of documents are they?”

Client: “It’s a [document asking the judge to reschedule a hearing date].”

Me: “Oh, okay, that’s pretty straight forward. I can—”

Client: “Yeah, the hearing was today.”

Me: “…”

Client: “So, can you still get over there?”

Me: “…”

It is about an hour or two before our store is set to close. A customer walks up to me with a microphone that is in a box that he wants to buy. It is important to note that the packaging looks brand new and appears to be unopened.

Customer: “Hey, is it okay if I open this up and take a look at it? I just want to make sure that everything’s in there.”

Me: “Umm… okay. Sure.”

Customer: “Thanks.”

The customer opens the box and pulls out the plastic packaging that the microphone comes in. At this point, he can see that the plastic has been previously opened, so you can slide the microphone right out.

Customer: “Uh-oh. This has been opened before. I hope the microphone’s okay.”

Me: “It should be. What probably happened was someone just opened it up to see what it looked like, decided they didn’t want it, and then put it back in the packaging and back on the shelf.”

Customer: “Oh, okay.”

Me: “Yeah, the microphone itself should be perfectly fine.”

The customer pulls the microphone out of the packaging and begins inspecting it for defects.

Customer: “Hey, this has scratches on it.”

Me: “Really? Where?”

Customer: “Right here.”

The customer shows me some very small, almost microscopic scratches that appear on the left and right side of the microphone in one spot. They are virtually unnoticeable, and the only way that you can see them is if you hold the microphone extremely close to your face and actually LOOK for them. Even then, they’re pretty hard to see.

Me: “Oh, yeah, I see them. But those shouldn’t affect the function of the microphone. I think it’ll work just fine like it normally would.”

Customer: “You think so?”

Me: “Yeah, I mean, they’re just on the surface of the handle, not where you would talk, and they’re so small you can barely see them. I don’t see why the microphone would function any differently for you.”

Customer: “So, you think it’ll be all right?”

Me: “Yeah, I think it should be just fine.”

Customer: “Okay.”

Me: “Would you like me to ring you up for that?”

Customer: “Yeah, how much is it?”

Me: “It’s $60.00.”

Customer: “I want 50% off! I don’t want to pay $60.00 for a product that’s damaged!”

Me: “Sir, the product isn’t damaged; it’s only got those microscopic scratches on it that you showed me. You can barely see them, and that could have happened in manufacturing or shipping. It won’t affect the function of the microphone in any way.”

Customer: “Well, I still don’t want to pay $60.00 for a product that’s damaged!”

Me: “The product isn’t damaged, sir.”

Customer: “Yes, it is! It’s scratched, and I don’t want to pay $60.00 for it!”

Me: “Okay, well, I can’t just give you 50% off, especially when it’s for something as small as this.”

Customer: “I don’t want to pay $60.00 for it if it’s damaged!”

Me: “Sir, we do price match, so if you can find it somewhere online for the price that you would like to pay, I would be more than happy to change the price if it’s a price match.”

Customer: “Okay.”

The customer steps off to the side and begins searching the Internet on his phone for the microphone. In the meantime, I am helping other customers who have come through my line. Finally, when I am finished with all the other customers, the customer with the microphone comes back up to my register.

Customer: “Well, I can’t find it anywhere on the Internet.”

Me: “Okay. Did you want me to ring it up for you at full price, then?”

Customer: “No! I don’t want to pay $60.00 for a damaged product!”

Me: “Sir, the product isn’t damaged. I promise you, it will work just fine. We do have a thirty-day return policy, so if you want, you can take it home, try it out, and see if you like it. If you don’t like it or if you experience any problems with it, you can bring it right back to us within thirty days and we’ll give you a full refund.”

Customer: “But I’m still paying $60.00 for a damaged product! I want 50% off!” 

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I can’t just give you 50% off. The item has a very minor blemish on it. It’s nothing major and nothing that would affect its performance. I can’t give you 50% off.”

Customer: “Can I talk to a manager, please?”

Me: “Of course!”

I call a manager up and explain the situation to him. The customer repeats the same thing to the manager that he’s been telling me all night and shows him the scratches.

Customer: “I don’t want to pay $60.00 for a damaged product!”

Manager: “Okay, well, we can give you the open-item discount, since I can see that it’s been open before.”

Customer: “Okay.”

Manager: “The open-item discount is 10% off.”

Customer: “So, I’d still be paying like $50.00 or $60.00 for it! I don’t want to pay that much for a damaged product!”

Manager: “I mean, it’s not really damaged. It’s not going to affect the function of the microphone in any way.”

Customer: “I want a discount!”

Manager: “Okay, I can give you the 10%-off open-item discount.”

The customer says nothing, so I start talking again.

Me: “Would you like me to ring that up for you with the 10% discount?”

Customer: “No! I don’t want to pay $50.00 or $60.00 for a damaged product! I want if for $30!”

Me: “I’m afraid I can’t do that, sir.”

Customer: “I don’t want it, then!”

Me: “Okay, that’s fine. I’m sorry about that.”

Customer: “Yeah, I’ll just go somewhere else and buy it.”

Manager & Me: “Okay!”

The customer left and never returned.

I work in a hospital. A mother brings her daughter into the emergency room.

Nurse: “Hi there. Could you describe the nature of your medical needs?”

Mother: “My daughter stepped in dog poop and I’m afraid she might have an infection.”

Nurse: “Okay, does your daughter have any open wounds, blisters, warts, etc., near where she came into contact with the dog poop?”

Mother: “No.”

Nurse: “Did you wash her foot afterward with warm water and soap?”

Mother: “That’s disgusting! Why would I do that?”

Nurse: “To protect your daughter from infection?”

Mother: “No, I just threw it out.”

Nurse: “Wha…” *Lightbulb moment* “Was your daughter wearing shoes when she stepped in the poop?”

Mother: “Yes! Of course.”

Nurse: “So, you’re telling me that your daughter stepped into dog poop wearing shoes and socks, and she has no open wounds on her feet, and you are worried she has an infection?”

Mother: “Yes, of course, I’m worried.”

Nurse: “No offence, but this is an emergency room. It is very unlikely she got an infection, and since this is obviously a very low-priority case, you may be waiting here for up to six hours to see a doctor. I recommend you go home and make an appointment with your regular doctor in a couple of days’ time. If your daughter does take any severe turns, you can always bring her in or call an ambulance and she will be seen immediately.”

Mother: “Oh, no, you don’t! I want you to get my daughter to see a doctor as soon as you can!”

Nurse: “Very well. Please be aware that you could be waiting a very long time as we assign cases on a priority basis. Also please be aware that, whilst we make every effort to remove the risk of infection, this is a hospital and there is a chance that infected blood or bodily fluids may be present. Also be aware that, since this is a walk-in center, we do get a lot of homeless men and drug addicts coming in to get out of the rain.”

It is clear that the nurse is doing everything in her power to dissuade this mother from trying to see a doctor.

Mother: “Whatever. Those infections probably aren’t as bad as the ones you can get from dog poop.”

Nurse: “Actually, blood and bodily fluids might be contaminated with any number of infections, including HIV.”

Mother: “Oh, don’t be silly.”

The woman and her daughter moved on to the waiting room and were sat there for approximately four and a half hours. The woman was told by the doctor to do exactly what the nurse had advised and left looking overly smug.