A Not So Warm And Cuddly Story

, , , , , , | Legal | September 20, 2020

My best friend of ten years is six months pregnant. Due to the current health crisis, among other reasons, we have not been able to catch up in person since April. I do crochet and embroidery as a hobby and have spent my free time over the last two or three months making a baby blanket, which is basically the baby’s name embroidered among stars and planets, etc.

My best friend and I are catching up in a coffee shop that’s halfway between our respective houses, for the first time in months, and I have given her the blanket for the baby. We’ve just sat down to enjoy our cuppas and a chat when we hear a woman’s voice.

Woman: “Um, excuse me, how much is that blanket?”

Best Friend: “Oh, [My Name] made it for me! It’s for my—”

Woman: *Rudely* “How much?”

Best Friend: “Um… what? It’s not for sale.”

Me: “I made it for my niece; it’s a gift—”

Woman: “I asked you HOW MUCH?” *Raises her voice* “I don’t understand why you can’t just answer me! So rude!”

Me: “Look, the blanket isn’t for sale! You can’t have it! So can you please leave us alone?”

Woman: *Gives us both a death glare* “F****** RUDE!”

She turned to walk away and we thought that was the end of it. Nope: quicker than either of us could react, she snatched the blanket off the table and made a run for the door!

Lucky for us, she tried to pull a push door and slammed head first into it, losing her balance and landing square on her backside. I grabbed the blanket out of her hands before she could react, and she started screaming about theft and assault and calling me every name in the book. At this point, I was worried she was going to have an aneurysm with how hard she was shrieking.

Even better, the cafe had security tapes and the barista had seen the woman snatch the blanket.

Cops were called, charges were filed — she spat on me and you bet I’m booking her for it — my best friend got her blanket, and I finally got a story to post on here!

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A Policy Against Time Travel

, , , , , | Right | August 30, 2020

I work in the call centre for a car insurance company that also offers roadside assistance.

Me: “Thank you for calling [Car Insurance Company]; you’re speaking with [My Name].”

Customer: “Oh, hi, I’m just wondering why you guys send out this promotion that ends on the twenty-ninth of September when it’s the second of October.”

Me: “Well, what most likely happened is we sent it out to you before the end date and you’re only just reading it now.”

Customer: “Ah, well, that would make sense. I got the letter a month ago.”

Further along, I’m updating his contact details.

Me: “Sir, do you have a mobile phone number that I could put into our system?”

Customer: “No, sorry, I only use my mobile in case I break down and don’t like to give it out.”

Me: “Well, sir, we are actually the roadside assistance company that you use, and if you call us and we need to call you back, we need your mobile number.”

Customer: “Oh, right. It’s [number].”

Later on, in the same call, I’m doing an insurance quote for him.

Me: “I understand that you want the policy to start at the end of November, but unfortunately, we can only do a quote for insurance a month in advance, so this is going to be a guide only.”

Customer: “That’s fine. I understand.”

We get to the end of the quote and he’s happy with the price.

Me: “Now, would you like me to give you a call at the end of October so we can go ahead with this policy?”

Customer: “Wow, that’s a bit far in advance, isn’t it?”

Me: “Your original reason for calling was to take out the insurance policy two months in advance and this is only one month in advance.”

Customer: “Oh, all right, then. That’s fine. Call me on my mobile.”

I facepalmed.

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Pride, Painfulness, Cramping, And Soreness!

, , , , , | Learning | August 8, 2020

I teach karate. While there are younger students in my group, today, the class consists of students around seven years old. Seeing an opportunity for a deeper talk on our values, I gather them together. Our values are pride, patience, courtesy, and spirit.

Me: “So, what’s our first value?”

Student #1: “Pride!”

Me: “Yes, exactly! We need to have pride in what we do. This means we always do our best, no matter what. Can you tell me what our second value is?”

None of them can.

Me: “Okay, it starts with a P. P, p…”

After a moment of deep thought, one of them pipes up at last.

Student #2: “PAINFULNESS!”

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Tip Your Delivery Guy A Five

, , , , , | Right | July 31, 2020

I am picking up something from a private address where the door is answered by a boy of about six years old.

Boy: *Holding up his hand* “High-five!”

I gave him a high-five. While I was waiting, a pizza delivery driver also arrived. The boy offered to hold the bottle of drink in his hand so he’d have a spare hand with which to high-five him.

The mother told me that her daughter used to be even fonder of people who came to the door and would regularly ask if she could come home with them and would cry when they left.


This story is included in our Feel-Good roundup for July 2020!

Read the next Feel-Good Story here!

Read the July 2020 Feel-Good roundup!

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Literally Choosing His Poison

, , , , , | Right | July 31, 2020

I deliver chemical supplies. An old man glances into my van as I’m unloading on the street.

Old Man: “You’ve got poison in there.”

Me: “Some of our products are, yes.”

Old Man: “Can you give me some? I’ve got some people who I want to put it in their food.”

Me: “Give me your name and I’ll make sure no one takes an order from you.”

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