When Things Are Adding Up Too Well, The Customer Will Find A Way…

, , , | Right | November 25, 2020

I’m doing work experience at a bakery. It’s only my third day there, so I’m still working out how to add prices and use the till.

Customer: “I’d like a steak pie and a Coke, please.”

I grab the Coke and the pie, and as I go, I add the prices together in my head. So far, so good. 

Me: “Would you like anything else?”

Customer: “Yes, I’d like a custard Berliner, and a chocolate donut, and…”

He proceeds to order about twenty items, and I run around putting them all in bags and frantically trying to add things up in my head as I go. I can’t remember all the pricing, so it takes a bit of effort. I finally have everything together, and I’m quite proud of myself as I’ve almost added up his entire total in my head so I can type it into the till.

Customer: “Um… can I pay for everything in separate groups?”

Me: “…” *Eye twitch.*

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An Editor’s Job Security

, , , , | Working | November 12, 2020

When I am working for an insurance broker, one of my tasks is to do daily banking, mail, etc. On the way, I pass the office of a large and well-known insurance company. We used to do a fair amount of business with this company, so I know the people who work there pretty well.

One day, as I walk past, I glance at their window and notice a new poster. I stop and look at it and think, “Hmm, should I say something?”

I am in a hurry to get to the bank, so I go on. On the way back, though, I can’t resist it, so I go in.

Three of the employees I know are in the front office, and after we all greet each other, one asks me what they can do for me.

Me: “Since you are an insurance company, don’t you think your posters should have spelt ‘Insurance’ properly?”

Shock, horror! All of these posters had been sent all over the state and each one — in big, bold letters — had “Insurnance” on them.

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A Not So Warm And Cuddly Story

, , , , , , | Legal | September 20, 2020

My best friend of ten years is six months pregnant. Due to the current health crisis, among other reasons, we have not been able to catch up in person since April. I do crochet and embroidery as a hobby and have spent my free time over the last two or three months making a baby blanket, which is basically the baby’s name embroidered among stars and planets, etc.

My best friend and I are catching up in a coffee shop that’s halfway between our respective houses, for the first time in months, and I have given her the blanket for the baby. We’ve just sat down to enjoy our cuppas and a chat when we hear a woman’s voice.

Woman: “Um, excuse me, how much is that blanket?”

Best Friend: “Oh, [My Name] made it for me! It’s for my—”

Woman: *Rudely* “How much?”

Best Friend: “Um… what? It’s not for sale.”

Me: “I made it for my niece; it’s a gift—”

Woman: “I asked you HOW MUCH?” *Raises her voice* “I don’t understand why you can’t just answer me! So rude!”

Me: “Look, the blanket isn’t for sale! You can’t have it! So can you please leave us alone?”

Woman: *Gives us both a death glare* “F****** RUDE!”

She turned to walk away and we thought that was the end of it. Nope: quicker than either of us could react, she snatched the blanket off the table and made a run for the door!

Lucky for us, she tried to pull a push door and slammed head first into it, losing her balance and landing square on her backside. I grabbed the blanket out of her hands before she could react, and she started screaming about theft and assault and calling me every name in the book. At this point, I was worried she was going to have an aneurysm with how hard she was shrieking.

Even better, the cafe had security tapes and the barista had seen the woman snatch the blanket.

Cops were called, charges were filed — she spat on me and you bet I’m booking her for it — my best friend got her blanket, and I finally got a story to post on here!

This story is part of our Best Of September 2020 roundup!

Read the next story in the Best Of September 2020 roundup!

Read the Best Of September 2020 roundup!

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A Policy Against Time Travel

, , , , , | Right | August 30, 2020

I work in the call centre for a car insurance company that also offers roadside assistance.

Me: “Thank you for calling [Car Insurance Company]; you’re speaking with [My Name].”

Customer: “Oh, hi, I’m just wondering why you guys send out this promotion that ends on the twenty-ninth of September when it’s the second of October.”

Me: “Well, what most likely happened is we sent it out to you before the end date and you’re only just reading it now.”

Customer: “Ah, well, that would make sense. I got the letter a month ago.”

Further along, I’m updating his contact details.

Me: “Sir, do you have a mobile phone number that I could put into our system?”

Customer: “No, sorry, I only use my mobile in case I break down and don’t like to give it out.”

Me: “Well, sir, we are actually the roadside assistance company that you use, and if you call us and we need to call you back, we need your mobile number.”

Customer: “Oh, right. It’s [number].”

Later on, in the same call, I’m doing an insurance quote for him.

Me: “I understand that you want the policy to start at the end of November, but unfortunately, we can only do a quote for insurance a month in advance, so this is going to be a guide only.”

Customer: “That’s fine. I understand.”

We get to the end of the quote and he’s happy with the price.

Me: “Now, would you like me to give you a call at the end of October so we can go ahead with this policy?”

Customer: “Wow, that’s a bit far in advance, isn’t it?”

Me: “Your original reason for calling was to take out the insurance policy two months in advance and this is only one month in advance.”

Customer: “Oh, all right, then. That’s fine. Call me on my mobile.”

I facepalmed.

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Pride, Painfulness, Cramping, And Soreness!

, , , , , | Learning | August 8, 2020

I teach karate. While there are younger students in my group, today, the class consists of students around seven years old. Seeing an opportunity for a deeper talk on our values, I gather them together. Our values are pride, patience, courtesy, and spirit.

Me: “So, what’s our first value?”

Student #1: “Pride!”

Me: “Yes, exactly! We need to have pride in what we do. This means we always do our best, no matter what. Can you tell me what our second value is?”

None of them can.

Me: “Okay, it starts with a P. P, p…”

After a moment of deep thought, one of them pipes up at last.

Student #2: “PAINFULNESS!”

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