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As If The Kid Gives One Single Baby Poop What Color He Wears

, , , , , | Related | CREDIT: Character-Ad-6728 | December 5, 2022

In November of last year, I gave birth to our first baby. It’s the first in my family and the sixth in my husband’s family. All six kids are boys, and my mother-in-law has got some sick baby girl rabies.

From the moment we made the announcement, [Mother-In-Law] convinced herself that I was pregnant with a girl.

Me: “[Mother-In-Law], as soon as we know the baby’s gender, you will be the first one to know.”

We told her it was a boy; she still was convinced it was a girl. She told the whole side of the family it was a girl. I corrected her, but she told them I was just annoyed because I wanted a boy first. I wanted a healthy baby; I didn’t give a d*** about the sex. She also told them we were naming the girl after her mom, which we would never do because my husband hates his grandma.

When the baby shower gifts started to come, I noticed a lot of things that weren’t on the registry, and embroidered things with [Grandma]’s name. And it didn’t matter that we’d told them the baby’s gender and name and made clear that we were not lying about the gender. Everyone believed [Mother-In-Law].

Well, the baby was born. And imagine the surprise… It was a boy, just LIKE WE HAD BEEN TELLING EVERYONE. The problem (for them) was that now the baby had plenty of “girly” clothes, pink onesies, etc., and we dressed our baby with them, especially for video calls with [Husband]’s family and for pictures for them.

After one Saturday call, [Mother-In-Law] called us to scream at us.

Mother-In-Law: “You’re making the elders uncomfortable, not sticking to a masculine color scheme with the baby clothes! You need to stop this childishness. I just thought your belly shape was more like a girl than a boy.”

Me: “We are not changing [Baby]’s clothes. Just wait until the dresses fit; he will look adorable.

Because You’re An Adult?

, , , , | Right | December 5, 2022

Client: “I’ll send you the visual by tomorrow, so wait for it and then go ahead with the Facebook post.”

Tomorrow arrives. I wait. Then, I get a message from the client.

Client: “Why haven’t you posted anything yet? I told you to do it by today.”

Me: “You told me to wait for you to send me the post.”

Client: “I’ve sent it to you. Post it.”

Me: “I just checked again, and I haven’t gotten anything yet.”

Client: “Oh, right. I haven’t sent it. LOL.”

Five minutes later…

Client: “You know, you really need to remind me of these things. I’m a busy person; I might forget. Why didn’t you remind me?”

I Have Half A Mind To Call You A Rude Name

, , , | Right | December 5, 2022

I’m working at an indie pizza place. A couple comes to the counter and orders a half-meat-lovers, half-vegetarian pizza. That may sound odd, but it is actually a common order at the shop; the veggie pizza just tastes that good.

The order is made up and sent out to the table. Moments later, the girlfriend is at the counter ranting at us.

Girlfriend: “The meat juices are running onto the vegetarian side of the pizza! You should have known this wasn’t acceptable!”

Eventually, she storms off, and her tired-looking boyfriend comes up to get a takeaway box for the pizza.

Me: “Sorry again. If we’d known the two sides weren’t allowed to touch, we would have suggested two small pizzas instead of a half-and-half.”

Boyfriend: *Sighs* “It’s okay. Don’t worry about it.”

He goes to get his girlfriend and leave.

The next customer comes up and says, loud enough for the whole shop to hear:

Customer: “A large pizza, please, half meat-lovers, half vegetarian. And we don’t care if the two halves touch.”

The “Tired” Jokes Practically Write Themselves

, , , , , , | Right | December 4, 2022

My only retail job was at a big box department store. This was the most fearful night of the year: Black Friday. There was a policy that if someone said an item was on sale and the price difference was less than $5, we gave them the discount.

One customer came through my line with a small tire. I didn’t even know we had those. It rang up as $54.

Customer: “It’s only supposed to be $5!”

She quickly showed me a photo of an empty display with a $5 tag. I called a floor person, who came up, and I explained. He heard “$5” and started to give the customer $5 off.

Me: “No, she’s saying this $54 item is $5.”

He froze for a moment. Then, he called a coworker on his radio and quickly reported back.

Floor Employee: “Not on sale.”

The customer didn’t take the tire and continued to complain. The floor person later apologized.

Thinking Outside The Box… But Which One?!

, , , | Right | December 4, 2022

Client: “We want a new video embedded on the website, under the box.”

Me: “When you say, ‘under the box,’ do you mean under box one or under box two? There are two boxes.”

Client: “We mean we want the video embedded, like the other videos that are embedded on the website already.”

Me: “Yes, but do you want it under box one or box two?”

Client: “We would like it under the box.”