When They Feel They’re Entitled To The Price, But Not The Facts

, , , | Right | October 22, 2020

Part of being a car salesman is that we get phone calls from people browsing the Internet, trying to find the cheapest deal anywhere.

Me: “Thanks for calling [Dealership]. How may I assist you today?”

Customer: “I was looking on the Internet and found a [car model] advertised at a dealership in Massachusetts for $26,000. Will you price match them?”

Me: “Ma’am, that’s so far outside our market area that it’s not even funny. I’m in Oklahoma. Where are you calling from, and what’s the name of that dealership?”

Customer: “I’m calling from Colorado. The dealerships here all have their [model] priced at $30,000 or more and I want one for $26,000 like [Massachusetts Dealer] has advertised.”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m familiar with that dealership. If you scroll down on their page, you’ll see that they also say that to get the advertised price, you must trade in a 2005 or newer car. Then, if you look at their Google page, you’ll see that while they’ll sell you a car at such a low price, they will typically only give you $1,000 trade value for a $7,000 car.”

Customer: “But I don’t want to trade anything in. I just want you to give me that price. My local dealers won’t do it.”

Me: “Ma’am, since that price you want is more than $2,000 less than the invoice price of the [model], which is the hottest selling SUV on the market right now, how does it make any sense whatsoever for us to do this?”

Customer: “But I want it for $26,000.”

Me: “Good luck with that, ma’am. Have a nice day.”

I hung up then before I told her what I was really thinking, about people in a very hot place wanting ice water, too.

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Acting Like A Spoiled Queen

, , , | Right | October 22, 2020

Occasionally, we’ll get a complaint at the front desk about our beds. Usually, this is just from someone not used to staying in hotels who doesn’t understand that their bed is not going to be their exact preferred firmness; I’ve gotten complaints both of too-soft beds and too-hard beds, so it really is just individual preferences not matching up with reality. However, this is the most bizarre complaint about them I’ve ever received.

Guest: “Excuse me! The beds in my room are not what I paid for!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, how do you mean?”

Guest: “I paid for two queen beds and that is not what I got!”

I apologize and bring up the guest’s reservation, thinking she was somehow moved to a room with only one bed, only to find that she IS in a two-queen room.

Me: “Er… I’m sorry ma’am, this says you are in a room with two queens.”

Guest:No! Those are full-size beds; I want queens!”

I have no idea how to react to this, because what she is saying is completely impossible. Our hotel doesn’t HAVE full beds; the only two-bed configurations we offer are two queens or one king. There is literally no way the beds in her room are full beds because none exist in the hotel.

Me: “Ma’am… I don’t know what to tell you. Those are queen beds. We don’t stock full-size mattresses—”

Guest:No! I sleep on a full bed every night and those are full-size beds! I demand a room with two queens!

Me: “Ma’am, I could move you to another two-queen room, but the beds would be exactly the same. If you really need a larger bed, then I could move you to a single king but—”

Guest:I am here with my sister! I need two beds! Two!

Me: “Ma’am, I’m not sure what you want me to do.”

Guest: “I want you to give me a room with two of your ‘KING’ beds!”

Yes, she used air quotes.

Me: “Ma’am, I’m not allowed or able to do that. I don’t even think two king beds will fit in one of our bedrooms, and even if they could, it would be against fire codes to have that much furniture in a room not designed for it.”

Guest:This is unacceptable! I paid for queen beds! Queen. Beds!”

She continued to rant and rave, but the only thing we could think of to appease her would be to offer her a second, comped King room, and we were sold out and unable to do that. In the end, she checked out and we refunded her, with her swearing up and down that she would be writing corporate about our “false advertising.” Never before or since have we been accused of downsizing our beds, so I have no idea what that lady’s problem was.

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Something, Something, Caller

, , , , , | Right | October 21, 2020

Me: “[Business], this is [My Name].”

Caller: “Uh, yeah… I got a call from—” *garbled*

Me: “I’m sorry, who did you say you got a call from?”

Caller: *Silence*

Me: *Five seconds later* “Who was that you had a call from?”

Caller: “Oh… uh… I had a call from this number here.”

Me: “Okay. May I ask your name and what this call is regarding?”

Caller: “I had a call from this number. I’m returning the call.”

Me: “Yes, I just need your name so I can find out who called you.”

Caller: “They called me.”

Me: “I know. There are several people here who could have called and the number would have shown up as the same for each of them. This is the front desk.”

Caller: “But they left a message saying to call them back. I’m calling them back.”

Me: “They didn’t leave a name?”

This is odd, because we’re taught phone etiquette, and part of that is to always leave your name and the reason for your call.

Caller: “No, they just said call back.”

Me: “Okay, do you have a family member who lives here? Have you applied for a job here?”

Caller: “I don’t know.”

Me: *Loses all hope* “Okay, let me see if I can find out who called you.”

I put him on hold and called around to see if anyone called… someone… about something. God, I hate Mondays.

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Alternative Fats

, , , , | Right | October 21, 2020

I’m a personal shopper. I have been doing this job for nearly three years. When people place their orders online, I download it onto a handheld and I have to scan every item on their list. The handheld will not let me scan barcodes that are not on their list, nor can I just add random products to their order. Customers often blame us for their mistakes, but this one takes the cake. I’m putting away an order when a customer comes up to me.

Customer: “Excuse me?”

Me: “Yes?”

Customer: “My name is [Customer] and I had an online order earlier today and you people messed it up. It was only minor things, but you still messed it up. And now I have to come back here and fix it.”

I know I was the one who shopped this order and I didn’t mess it up.

Me: “What was wrong with the order?”

Customer: “First of all, you gave me unfrosted pop tarts when I ordered frosted pop tarts. And you also gave me fat-free chicken broth when I ordered regular chicken broth.”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m the one who shopped your order. You ordered unfrosted pop tarts, so that’s what I gave you. As for the broth, I know chicken broth can come in low salt and salt-free versions, but it’s naturally a fat-free product.”

The customer pulls the chicken broth out of the bag.

Customer: “No, you gave me fat-free and I wanted regular!”

Me: “That is the regular chicken broth. This is what you ordered. I have to scan in every item on your list, and both the broth and the pop tarts scanned.”

Customer: “They’re wrong!”

Me: “If you want, we can exchange the pop tarts for frosted ones easily. I’ll have to talk to my manager about the broth, though.”

Customer: “Fine.”

The customer storms inside to grab what she wants. I run to the customer service desk and give the CSM a heads up as to what’s coming. I also print out the order to show that I gave this customer exactly what she ordered. I hide close enough to overhear the CSM and customer talking.

Customer: “Hi. One of your shoppers messed up my order.”

The customer puts the “wrong” items on the desk along with the “correct” items.

CSM: “Yes, she told me what’s going on. She also printed out your order.”

Customer: “So you know she messed up. She gave me unfrosted pop tarts and fat-free chicken broth.”

CSM: “Actually, she didn’t. If you look here, these are the pop tarts you ordered. It says ‘unfrosted’ right there. That’s what she gave you.”

Customer: “Oh… It must’ve been the computer, then, because I would never order that. Who in their right mind would order unfrosted pop tarts?”

CSM: “Now, as for the chicken broth, again, she gave you what you ordered. This is the UPC here, and it matches the UPC on the container here.”

Customer: “But it’s fat-free! I meant to order this!”

She shoves some name-brand chicken broth at her.

CSM: “Okay, but this is also fat-free.”

The CSM points to where it says, ‘Fat-free on the package.

Customer: “It’s a different type of fat-free.”

CSM: “If you want to exchange the pop tarts, that’s fine. However, because you ordered the store-brand chicken broth, there will be a charge for this.”

Customer: “Okay.”

The customer paid and left. My CSM and I were left wondering what she meant by “different type of fat-free.”

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I’m Related To A Celebrity! Get Me Out There!

, , , , , , | Related | October 21, 2020

I wrote this story about my father-in-law’s cousin who is a B-list actor.

Things get MUCH weirder during the global outbreak. My mother-in-law decides to write a bunch of bathroom songs for people to sing while they are washing their hands and she wants my father-in-law’s cousin to promote those songs.

My mother-in-law has always written songs and sung them badly. She is a self-taught musician who has absolutely ZERO understanding of proper music composition. She taught herself how to play the piano and she sounds so bad that a cat walking across piano keys would sound much better.

She decided to release a CD of her bathroom songs. This means that she hooked up a computer microphone to her piano and sang her songs into recording software on her five-year-old desktop computer. Unfortunately, she, my father-in-law, AND my husband are oblivious to the fact that she is a horrible musician.

Mother-In-Law: “I just sent a CD of my music to [Actor]’s mother. She is going to give it to [Actor] and he is going to get me on Oprah!”

Me: “You do know that the Oprah show ended a bunch of years ago, right? I also don’t think that Oprah is going to be interested in a preschool administrator’s CD of bathroom songs.”

Mother-In-Law: “I know that Oprah hasn’t been on TV in years, but [Actor] will make her start her show again so I can go on it to promote my music!”

Me: “Are you delusional? There is no way that Oprah is going to restart her show just because a B-list movie actor tells her to promote his cousin-in-law’s CD of bathroom songs!”

Mother-In-Law: “But I know that [Actor] is going to get me my big break in the music business! I am a fantastic musician and I have just had some bad breaks while trying to get my music published.”

Me: “You wrote songs for adults to sing in the bathroom while they are washing their hands. No sane adult is going to buy a CD of that!”

Mother-In-Law: “It is a new concept and people aren’t familiar with it, but they will understand it after I go on Oprah and show the world how much they need bathroom songs!”

Me: “Why are you even bothering [Actor]’s ninety-five-year-old mother with your bathroom songs, anyway? She is old; please don’t bother her.”

Mother-In-Law: “[Actor] is going to love my bathroom songs! I need him to get my break in the music business!”

I dropped it after that, but my in-laws STILL don’t see how horrible a musician my mother-in-law is and that no sane person is going to give her a break in the music business.

Related:
I’m Related To A Celebrity! Get Me Out Of Here!

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