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You Have To Have A Certain Brand Of Phone; It’s Called “Smartphone”

, , , , , , | Right | December 7, 2022

I’m buying my regular morning coffee at my favorite local shop. I pour my coffee and wait in line to pay. I hear them tell the customers in front of me that the card reader is down and that they can only take cash at the moment. Fine with me.

I step up to the counter with my drink and exact change, and the woman who has been in line just ahead of me steps aside but continues talking to the cashier and the manager who’s trying to troubleshoot the card reader.

Manager: “Yeah, I have no idea how to fix it. We’ll have to call tech support.”

Patron: “My dad runs a business, so I’m very familiar with these things. He can read cards from his phone. You should do that, too.”

Manager: “I don’t think that’ll work for us right now, but that’s good to know in case this happens again. We have [Common Small-Business Point-Of-Sale System]; is that what he uses?”

Patron: “Oh, I can call him. He can walk you through setting it up on your phone.”

Manager: “Thanks for offering, but we’d need the boss’s okay to do that. And we might not use the same system. What does he have?”

Patron: “Umm, I think it’s called Point Of Sale? It’s really easy to use. I can show you how it works.”

Manager: “Thanks, but I’m going to go call tech support now.”

I wished the cashier good luck and left at that point, but I wish I’d had time to stick around and see if this very knowledgeable businesswoman was going to call her dad and learn that “Point Of Sale” is not actually the point of sale system that he uses.

I Can Do This All Day

, , , , , , , | Working | December 7, 2022

Porch pirates stole some replacement contact lenses and a frying pan from our front stoop. Fortunately, the credit card I used has buyer protection that covers items lost or stolen, so I filed a claim.

This is my most recent email to the buyer protection plan provider.

Me: “You have requested many items from me, and I have responded to every request. However, you seem to be running out of ridiculous items to request.

“Your most recent email asks for ‘A letter on your part explaining the durability of each pair of contact lenses, meaning how much time do the lenses last until you throw them away?’

“You may be shocked to learn that the durability of the ‘[Brand #1] One-Day’ lens is, in fact, one day.

“How can this possibly be relevant to your review of my claim? Do you also need to know what I planned to cook with the [Brand #2] pan that was also stolen? Perhaps your next email will request my shoe size (seven), my favorite color (blue), or what I had for dinner last night (chicken).

“It appears that you want to extend this process indefinitely in hopes that I will give up and just go away. Unfortunately, I have very little going on in my life, so I plan to stay with this process until the bitter end.

“It’s your move.”

The Devil Wears Prada And Wants Everyone To Know It!

, , , , | Right | December 7, 2022

I work in a clothing store that sells off-season designer items that are considered surplus by the original brands, so we can sell them a little cheaper. This was a while ago, so I can’t remember the specific brand, so I’ll just go with Prada.

Customer: “Excuse me, these shoes are mislabeled.”

Me: “Oh? Let me see.”

I check the shoe, the description, and the price.

Me: “It all seems fine, ma’am. This is the correct label for the shoe.”

Customer: “But the label says Prada!”

Me: “Yes, these are Prada shoes.”

Customer: “But there’s no Prada on the shoe!”

Me: “Yes, there is.”

I show her the famous logo both inside the shoe and on the outsole — under the shoe.

Customer: “Yes, but it’s not on the outside of the shoe.”

Me: “Not for this particular model, ma’am.”

Customer: “So, no one will know that it’s Prada?”

Me: “No, ma’am.”

Customer: “Ugh, then what’s the point?” *Storms off*

If You Have To Break It, You Probably Can’t Have It

, , , , , | Right | December 7, 2022

I’m working the checkout of a drug store that also sells some food and grocery items. An older man walks up and puts an ice cream bar on my counter. I can tell because it’s cold and has a familiar logo on it, but it’s missing a name and barcode to scan it.

Me: “I’m sorry, but there’s no barcode on this.”

Man: “I just wanted one ice cream, but you didn’t have them as singles.”

I look again and realize that the ice cream is from a box of multiple bars.

Me: “Sir, I can’t sell you one part of the box. You have to buy the whole package.”

Man: “Then bring me one ice cream!”

Me: “The single bars are next to the boxes. If there weren’t any, then we are sold out.”

He looks annoyed and goes back to the freezer. He brings the box he opened and I sell it to him.

The very same day…

Coworker: “Hey, [My Name], can you price check these? The register says, ‘Item not found.’”

I look and, sure enough, the items are mini single water bottles that are part of a pack. I address the teenagers that are trying to buy them.

Me: “These bottles are part of a package. We can’t sell them individually.”

Teen: “But I just want two.”

Me: “Sorry, I can’t sell them to you.”

They left without buying the package, of course, so I had to go to the shelf and mark the package unsellable now that it had a big hole where the teenagers had ripped out the bottles. I still can’t wrap my head around how people think it’s acceptable to damage items and not pay for them.

Maybe He’s Just Really Antisocial

, , , | Right | December 7, 2022

This is a bizarre experience from the world of the Swedish so-called “färdtjänsten” — a municipal transportation service for citizens who, for one reason or another, are unable to use public transport.

A citizen calls from Casualty (that’s “the emergency room” to our trans-Atlantic friends) and wants to book a so-called healthcare journey back home — basically, an ordinary taxi ride, except the municipality bears all the costs.

Me: “No problem, sir. Could I please have your healthcare travel card number?”

Citizen: “I don’t have one of those.”

Me: “No worries. In that case, I’ll just need you to ask the staff to issue a one-time paper ticket and call us back, and we’ll be able to book your journey on a generic card number that we have for situations like these.”

Citizen: “No, I can’t be a**ed wasting time on that. I just want to get home!”


Me: “Do you perhaps have a permit for regular transportation service? If yes, we can book the trip on that number, instead. You’ll have to cover some of the costs yourself, but it’ll still be cheaper than your ordinary taxi ride.”

Citizen: “Nah, don’t have one of those, either.”

I was now officially out of options, but I kept my composure and explained to the gentleman, as diplomatically as circumstances allowed, that if he didn’t want to ask the staff to print a one-time ticket and call us back, and he didn’t have a permit for regular transport service, then he’d have to book an ordinary taxi and pay full price for the ride out of his own pocket.

The gentleman opted for this solution. In other words, he’d rather squander correspondingly fifteen to twenty USD instead of waiting five minutes for “Sister Agnes” to print said ticket for said journey. 

Okay, his money, his problem, but c’mon… how impatient can a person get?