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Some People Really Will Complain About Anything

, , , , | Right | October 17, 2021

I’ve had a handful of customers make ridiculous complaints about me. These two stand out. The first complained to management.

Customer #1: “[My Name] printed my receipt too close to the end of the roll and it curled too much!”

The second customer took the option to leave a comment about their experience online.

Customer #2: “[My Name] was far too friendly as a cashier and talked to customers. They were obviously on LSD!”

The super fun part was that all those comments get printed and reviewed district wide. And I’m the head coordinator of the department. Conference calls after that were fun.

Free Lime Pie

, , , | Right | October 17, 2021

Corporate apparently advertised that our store was giving away key lime pie samples, but our manager and staff didn’t hear anything. A customer came in wanting a tiny, bite-size sample that we didn’t have. She complained to customer service as we watched in amazement.

The cooking demo lady had to get a whole pie off the shelf just so this customer could get her tiny sample. The customer thanked the demo lady and then left, because that tiny sample was the only reason she had come in.

Here’s Hoping Her Taxi Driver Gets Lost

, , , | Right | CREDIT: Chelseaann8495 | October 15, 2021

I work at the front desk in a hotel, and I answer the phone.

Guest: “Do you have a shuttle from the airport?”

Me: “No, ma’am.”

Guest: “So, you mean to tell me I have to find my own way there? That’s ridiculous!”

Me: “I do apologize, ma’am. Our shuttle only goes into the historic district.”

Guest: “Okay, well, I’ll be waiting for it to pick me up at the airport.”

Me: “Ma’am, it only travels to the historic district. It’s $6 per person, and it’s for the day, round-trip, as many times as you like.”

Guest: “Okay, so he can come get me. I’ll pay the $6.”

Me: “The driver cannot and will not do that; the shuttle runs on a strict schedule and he is only authorized one route. The airport is twenty minutes from us. You can get a taxi, [Ride Share #1], or [Ride Share #2].”

She was not happy about that.

Wish You Could Weed Out The Bad Customers, Part 2

, , , | Right | October 14, 2021

I handle the phones for a lawn spraying company. We treat for weeds or insects. We do not offer mowing or yard work of any other kind. The title of the company has the word “lawn” in it, but the rest suggests pretty heavily that this is a chemical spraying company.

Every year, when the advertisements go out, the phones begin to ring.

Me: “Hello, thanks for calling.”

Caller #1: “Yeah, I need my yard mowed once a week. How much would that be?”

Me: “We actually don’t offer that service, but I can recommend a few companies near you. Which city are you in?”

Caller #1: “I’ve had folks before who did a crap job. I want it mowed on the diagonal. Straight lines. Every week.”

Me: “As I said, we are a weed control company; we do not mow lawns. I do have the name and number of trusted folks who do that I’d be happy to share.”

Caller #1: “And edging. I have a fence around back and the curved sidewalk up front needs to be edged.”

Me: “Yes, but we don’t do—”

Caller #1: “And don’t leave clippings on the yard or the sidewalk. I want it all cleaned up.”

Me: “Yes, sir, I understand. But you are asking for something we don’t offer. We are a—”

Caller #1: “You don’t sweep?! What kind of company are you?!”

Me: “We are a chemical company. We do not mow or edge. We apply products to the lawn to keep weeds away. We fertilize lawns. We also offer several options of pest control.”

Caller #1: “So, how much would it cost to mow my lawn?”

Me: “I don’t know, sir, as we do not offer that service. We do not mow lawns.”

Caller #1: “Your ad says you do!”

Me: “Can I ask where you are seeing this ad? I’ll look into why there is an error.”

Caller #1: “It says [Company] Lawn & Pest.”

Me: “Yes. That is the name of the company. If you’ll notice, the tag line says, ‘Kiss your weeds good-bye.’”

Caller #1: “That’s false advertising!”

Me: “I’m sorry you feel that way. Is there anyth—”

The caller hangs up. Within seconds, I get my next call.

Caller #2: “I’d like a quote on services, please.”

Me: “Great! And you are looking for fertilization and weed control, is that correct?”

Caller #2: “Yes.”

Me: “Okay. If you give me your address, I can measure your lawn from here and give you an exact quote.”

Caller #2: “It is [address].”

Me: “Okay. I’ve measured your lawn to be just under 4,000 square feet, so we can treat that for—”

Caller #2: “No! My house is less than 2,000 square feet.”

Me: “I’m looking at it from an aerial view and it measures to just under 4,000 square feet. It would be—”

Caller #2: “NO! My house is only about 1,800 square feet.”

Me: “Sir, I’m measuring your yard, not your house.”

Caller #2: “My house is not over 2,000 square feet.”

Me: “I understand. But we will be treating the yard, so I have measured the yard. The yard is just under 4,000 square feet, so the cost for treatment would be…”

Caller #2: “What about only the front yard? What would that be?”

Me: “All right. Let me re-measure. Okay, the front yard is less than 2,000 square feet. Since our lowest price is just under what it costs for your whole yard, it would be a savings of only—”

Caller #2: “Thank you.” *Click*

It would have been only $4 less for the front yard but he never let me give him any figures at all.

Wish You Could Weed Out The Bad Customers

If You Think They Just Wanted Free Refills Then You’re Getting Warmer

, , , | Right | October 14, 2021

A customer orders a bag of popcorn at the concession stand, and when I give it to her, she scowls at me.

Customer: “This popcorn is cold!”

Me: “Oh, my apologies, ma’am. Let me fix that.”

I take the bag back and gave her some fresh stuff that is literally still popping out of the machine. When I hand the new bag to her, she glares at me again. She’s holding a bag that is literally steaming.

Customer: “It’s still cold!”

Me: “Ma’am, I just got that out of the popper. I can’t make it any hotter.”

Customer: “Fine, then give me an extra bag so I can divide it up.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, policy won’t allow us to hand out empty bags. I can give you a tray, however.”

Customer: “What about those bags with the popcorn in them?”

Me: “We inventory those, so I can’t give them out. If you would like another bag of popcorn, I’ll have to charge you for it.”

Customer: “So, you have bags, but you just can’t give them to me.”

Me: *Sweetly* “That’s correct. You either have to divide your popcorn on a tray or pay for a second bag. I’m sorry for the inconvenience.”

The woman finally left, muttering angrily.