I worked in the women’s changing rooms (let’s not begin on the horrors I saw there), and was putting jeans back on the racks. Now, we all wear these obnoxious blue t-shirts that say ‘I LOVE [STORE NAME]’ across the back. You know, in case anyone thought I was putting away stock for s***s and giggles. So, we’re easily identifiable.

A woman in a “can I speak to the manager?!” haircut comes up to me.

Customer: “Excuse me.” *Holds up a pair of jeans that are on sale.* “I need these for my daughter.”

Me: “Sorry, but those are a sale item, so if you can’t find the size you need on the rack, then we don’t have any more available.”

Customer: *Starts to glow red.* “Well, I need them, go and check the back!”

Me: *Having been on since 8 AM and so, so done with this shift.* “Sorry, we don’t have any out back. They’re a sale item, so any left will be out on the rack.”

Customer: *Getting redder.* “That makes no sense! The item is on sale, so you should have more! Because you’ll sell more!”

Me: “No, it’s on sale for half price because it didn’t sell well. It wouldn’t make sense to order more.”

Customer: “But that’s stupid! You should have more because it’s cheaper!”

Me: “Again, it’s cheaper because it didn’t sell well. It wouldn’t make sense to order more when it didn’t sell in the first place.”

Customer: “Well, maybe you shouldn’t have clothes that don’t sell well!”

Me: “Probably not. Excuse me.”

So, the point of the story is that if you have an item on sale because it didn’t sell well, you definitely should order more! Sigh.

I’m working at a busy pizza place one time (we did a huge lunchtime service, it was located downtown), a woman called for a delivery.

Customer: “Yeah, I’d like one pizza delivered. Can I have that at 12:30?”

Me: “Um…no. It’ll be later than that.”

Customer: *Big, angry sigh.* “WHY?!”

Me: “…because it is 12:20 now, a pizza takes ten minutes to cook, and then we actually have to bring it to you.”

Customer: “Just try to get it here for 12:30.”

She then spends five minutes going over ingredients and making a mistake with her address twice. It’s about 12:25 when I hang up with her.

I got to her place with her pizza a couple of minutes past 1 PM.

Customer: *Snidely.* “It’s like you didn’t even try. No tip for you.”

I told my manager what happened, and he rolled his eyes. When she called again a week later, my manager took the call himself and said:

Manager: “We’re not able to bring you your pizzas in a manner timely enough for you, ma’am. I suggest you try a teleportation pizza service instead.” *Click.*

I work for a pizza place that does takeout and pickup. For pickup, we have a drive-thru. I’m talking to a guy at the drive-thru.

Me: “Is this a new order or pickup?”

Customer: “Pickup.”

Me: “What’s your order number?”

Customer: “I don’t have that.”

Me: “What name is the order under?”

Customer: “My wife’s name, it’s [Customer’s Wife’s Name].”

Me: “Hmm, I can’t find that name on the system.”

My coworker, who is taking an order on the phone, waves at me.

Coworker: “Did you say [Customer’s Wife’s Name]?”

Me: “Yeah.”

Coworker: “I’m on the phone with her right now. I’m literally about to finish taking her order.”

Me: *Turning back to the guy in the drive-thru.* “Sir, it seems your wife is still placing the order.”

Customer: *With an agitated ‘obviously!’ tone.* “Yeah, and I’m here to pick it up.”

Me: “Well… we’d need some time to cook the pizza.”

Customer: *Eye roll.* “You guys are so slooooow.”

I ask him to pull around to the front and wait for the pizza to be brought out to him. As I’m handing him the pizza, he shows me his phone:

Customer: “I already left a one-star review of you guys! I bet the pizza tastes terrible, too!”

He snatches the pizza and drives off. I tell my coworker what happened.

Coworker: “So they came to pick up an order before placing the order, and they left a review before receiving the order? Are they gonna poop out the pizza before they eat it?”

Customer: “I’m looking for sugar-free candy without any food dyes, organic, and sweetened with natural sweeteners, like honey. Nothing artificial.”

Coworker: “I’m terribly sorry, we don’t have anything that fits that description.”

Customer: *Disbelievingly.* “Really! Isn’t this a candy store?”

Coworker: “Yes, and I think you are thinking of actual fruit.”

A woman walks up to the bookstore’s info desk and asks:

Customer: “Where are your BBQs?”

Me: “We don’t carry BBQs.”

Customer: *Getting huffy.* “Well, you carry books on them, right? Why wouldn’t you have them in stock?”

Me: “We have books on nuclear weapons, but we don’t keep those in stock either.”