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Click, Collect. It’s Not Rocket Science.

, , , , | Right | CREDIT: BluePineappleBirb | October 13, 2021

We had our second lockdown, which lasted around three months, and during that time, we were still working. We sell mostly furniture and kitchenware. Our Click & Collect service got a big notch up and went from around seventy orders a week to 1,000 a day.

One day, I spotted a customer on his way into the store while my colleague was busy talking to another customer. First, I thought that something had been dropped off of his order, as he was walking in with a cart filled with things. I approached him and told him he couldn’t enter the store as it was closed. He looked confused and asked why the others got their items if they hadn’t been shopping in the store. That confused me for a second, but I told him that they got their items through our Click & Collect service and we handed it to them.

He huffed and said he wasn’t there to collect anything but to return some items.

Me: “I’m sorry, but we’re closed, which means you can’t return anything. You have to wait until the store is allowed to open again.”

Customer: “I’m here now, so why can’t you just take it back and give me my money?”

Me: “We are not allowed to do so. You’re not allowed to even get into the store, so please leave. I’m sorry that we can’t help you now, but once we’re open again, we’ll be happy to help you return your items. Until then, please be patient.”

Customer: “I want to return my items now. I’m here, so what’s the problem? The registers are just over there, and I don’t need cash; just transfer it to my credit card.”

I’m sighing inwardly, not really wanting to deal with this man. Fortunately, our team leader has noticed and comes over, asking what the problem is.

Customer: “I want to return my items. Now.”

Team Leader: “That is not possible right now. You’ll have to wait until we’re allowed to open the store again.”

Customer: “I can’t wait for that and I’m here. I can’t see what the problem is.”

Team Leader: “The problem is that it’s not legal for us to do so right now and we could get a fine if we gave in to your demands. So, leave and wait for us to open again.”

Customer: “BS. You’re making this up.”

Team Leader: “We are not allowed to let customers into the store, no matter whether they’re buying or returning. Please leave now or I’ll have to call security.”

The customer huffed but turned and left at the threat of security coming.

New Born, Same Excuses

, , , | Right | October 12, 2021

I am selling my home and have my property for sale online. Since I work from home, I am happy to receive calls directly from interested parties. My property is on sale for $350,000.

Caller: “Could we pay in installments?”

Me: “Well, yes. That is how mortgages work.”

Caller: “Can we just give you a hundred a month until it’s paid off?”

Me: “That’s not how this works.”

Caller: “But we have a newborn.”

Me: “That’s still not how this works.”

Caller: “What if it was two hundred a month?”

Me: “And have your newborn take over the payments after you die in sixty years? No thanks.” *Click*

We Should Totally Just Drug Grandma! (Not Really)

, , , , , , , | Related | October 12, 2021

CONTENT WARNING: This story contains content of a medical nature. It is not intended as medical advice.

 

I submitted this story. Grandma is up to her tricks again.

One of our cats figured out that if she puts her toys on the track for Grandma’s stairlift, it acts like a slide. This same cat also found and stole a bunch of pipe cleaners my mom had planned on using in her classroom. One day, Grandma wants to come downstairs but her stairlift isn’t working. My dad figures a cat toy is probably jammed in there — not the first time that’s happened — and tries to get it unstuck. It still doesn’t work. Dad tries a few things over the weekend but he can’t fix it. He calls a guy on Monday to come out and look at it later that week. The guy finds that a pipe cleaner has slid in and the metal part touched something and shorted out something electrical. He has to order a part, though, so Grandma is stuck upstairs for at least another week.

Grandma barely leaves her bedroom. It’s actually rather pleasant downstairs, especially at mealtimes. Dad brings her food every day so she doesn’t starve and we don’t have to put up with her. But she starts to get stir-crazy and her behavior gets more extreme as time goes on.

Because Grandma is barely moving, she starts to develop muscle cramps in her legs. A normal person might try stretching or doing a few laps in the hallway upstairs. Not my grandmother. She calls her doctor and gets a prescription for Percocet. She takes one pill, decides it doesn’t work, and schedules another video appointment with the doctor.

My dad is working from home right now, but Grandma doesn’t understand, no matter how many times he explains it to her, that just because he is home, it does not mean he can jump up whenever she calls. Dad gets up super early and finishes his work by 2:00 pm every day. He tells her to schedule her appointments for after 2:00 so he can help her set up the video call. She schedules the second appointment for 11:00 am. When her appointment time arrives, she calls the house phone downstairs and tells him to help her. He says he’s in a meeting and can’t right now. She calls my uncle — Dad’s brother — and says Dad is refusing to help her with her doctor’s appointment. My uncle calls Dad and is like, “what the heck are you doing?” and comes over to help her. The doctor prescribes her Tylenol with tramadol. Once again, she takes one pill and decides it doesn’t work.

The night before her stairlift is supposed to be fixed, she calls the house phone around 9:00 pm. She wants us to take her to the ER so she can get a shot for her pain because “the last shot I got lasted me nine months.” Dad points out that her stairlift is still broken and she can’t get downstairs.

Grandma: “I’m having shooting pain down my legs. I have to go to the hospital. Call 911 and they’ll carry me downstairs.”

Dad: “I’m not calling 911 just so they can carry you downstairs. Did you try Advil?”

Grandma: “No, I can’t take Advil because the doctor wants me to take acetaminophen and you can’t mix those drugs.”

Dad: “When was the last time you took acetaminophen?”

Grandma: “Yesterday. Just call 911 so they can take me to the hospital.”

Dad: “First, how do you plan on paying for this trip? Second, how do you expect to get home?”

Grandma: “They’ll bring me back once I’m done.”

Dad: “No, they won’t. You need to move around some. That will help. But if you really want to go to the hospital, then you can call 911.”

Miraculously, her pain suddenly wasn’t that bad. And sure enough, once the stairlift was fixed and she was able to go downstairs, she started moving around more and she wasn’t in any more pain. And so ends a lovely three weeks without Grandma.

Related:
We Should Totally Just Stab Caesar! (Salad), Part 2
We Should Totally Just Stab Caesar! (Salad)

Mom On A Cold Tin Roof

, , , , | Right | October 12, 2021

My mother has gained her new independence through her divorce and gone back to school. While I am very proud of her, this, unfortunately, fuels her entitled “the customer is always right” attitude into a brand-new weapon and makes her think she knows everything — such as critiquing the WAY someone argues with her by shouting, “THAT’S A FALLACY!” in their face rather than actually listening to their point, or thinking that she knows anything and everything about running a business.

While I was used to this behavior growing up, I’ve started to notice her awful behavior more and more and stopped entertaining it. It’s begun to stress me out to the point that I can’t stand going places with her.

We are at an ice cream place at the mall that mixes ice cream with chosen ingredients in front of you.

Me: “Mom, did you want any ice cream?”

Mom: “Yeah, I want a Tin Roof sundae.”

Me: “I don’t think they have that. This is [Ice Cream Place].”

Mom: “They’re an ice cream place. Of course, they’ll have it. If they don’t, they can give me something like it.”

Me: “Okay, what’s in a Tin Roof sundae? At [Ice Cream Place], they have their own mixtures, or you can pick a flavor and two toppings.”

Mom: “Uh, I don’t know! It’s a common ice cream, like Rocky Road or strawberry! They should know what it is!”

Me:I don’t even know what it is! But if you give me the ingredients, I can have them make whatever is similar for you! They don’t have Tin Roof sundaes!”

Mom: “Well, how do you know? Did you ask?

Me: “I used to come here frequently. They make things a certain way. But fine, I will ask. What do you want me to say if they don’t have it?”

She stares at me. I stare back.

Mom: “Well, if they don’t know what a Tin Roof sundae is, then I don’t want anything from them.”

Me: “Okay, fine.” *Walks away*

Mom: “Do they have chocolate?

Me: “Yes!”

Mom: “Then they should have Tin Roof sundaes!”

I just facepalm and go inside to order. My mom approaches me after I order my ice cream.

Mom: “Did you ask yet?”

Me: “Not yet. It’s kind of busy and I’m trying to let the guy concentrate before I bombard him with more.”

A worker walks up.

Worker: “How can I help you?”

Mom: “Do you have Tin Roof sundaes?”

Worker: “We do not.”

Mom: *Miffed* “Well, do you have anything like it?”

Worker: “Um… you see… I don’t actually know what that is… but if you know what’s in it we can probably make something similar.”

My mom stares at the worker blankly for a solid ten seconds and walks away without another word.

Me: *Embarrassed* “Thank you. She’s good. Never mind.”

Later, when we sit down:

Me: “I told you they wouldn’t know what it is.”

Mom: “Well, that’s because she’s young. You shouldn’t work in an ice cream place if you don’t know your products.”

Me: “Yes, because a teenager working a part-time job is going to magically memorize the details of anything that has to do with the products they sell… Not like they have other things to do or an average memory or anything.”

She didn’t respond and just rolled her eyes. I enjoyed my ice cream in peace.

A Graphics Card? In THIS Economy?!

, , , , | Right | CREDIT: sunsepterpoe | October 11, 2021

I’m selling a computer online.

Buyer: “What’s wrong with it?”

Me: “Nothing, just got married and don’t game anymore.”

Buyer: “Just read ‘no graphics card,’ man.”

Me: “Yeah, that’s why it’s $500 and not well over $1,000.”

Buyer: “Why is a graphic card so much? If you can get me a video card, I’ll buy it from you. I just need a full working gaming PC for my son.”

Me: “I’m not going to buy you a graphics card so you can buy my computer.”