They Wrote The Book On Entitlement

, , | Right | June 16, 2021

I recently became a freelance editor, proofreader, etc. for authors wanting to self-publish. 

Client: “Hi, [Mutual Friend] gave me your number.”

Me: “Sure, how can I help you?”

Client: “I have a novel, almost 90,000 words, and [Printing Company] are charging me $600 with a turnaround of two weeks to format it for publishing. Now, I think you can do me a better deal.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I have no idea about how to format and typeset a book. I only do—”

Client: “It can’t be that hard! I’ll send you some YouTube videos. You should be able to do it in an afternoon.”

Me: “I think it’s a bit more involved than YouTube videos, or everyone could do it themselves. I don’t really have time to get trained on specialist software used to format books. Plus, I’d have to buy the software, too, and I know that’s not cheap.”

Client: “I will pay you $300 if you can get it done in a week, but really, it should only take you one afternoon.”

Me: “Let me get this straight. You want me to do your book in half the time, for half the cost, using skills and software I don’t have?”

Client: “Yes! It’s not hard.”

Me: “Then I suggest you watch those YouTube videos and do it yourself. Goodbye.”

Years later, when I learned what really goes into typesetting and formatting a book, I think $600 for two weeks’ turnaround is a bargain! It’s not something you can learn from some YouTube videos and do in “one afternoon.”

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I Don’t Work Here; YOU Work Here!

, , , , , | Working | CREDIT: OldManInShower | June 15, 2021

I am a promoter for a company with a wide range of products; I promote their product in another company’s store. I am usually near the front of the store, pitching whatever new products my company has to people as they pass by.

The number of times people have come up and asked me for help is STAGGERING. But most of the time I help, because I usually know more or less where everything in the store is, or I know where to find someone who does.

I am standing in front of the brushware and cleaning section, promoting a spin bucket mop, when a manager walks up to me with this confused-looking old man trailing behind.

Manager: “Where is the laminate floor cleaner?”

Me: “Sorry, I have no clue.”

I have only been here for a week, so I really have no clue.

Manager: “WHAT DO YOU MEAN, YOU DON’T KNOW?! THIS IS YOUR SECTION!”

I am really taken aback by this sudden tirade so I reply super quietly.

Me: “But I work for [Company], not [Store].”

Manager: “YOU SHOULD KNOW WHAT’S IN YOUR SECTION!”

She then looked back at the customer, SIGHED DRAMATICALLY, and walked into the aisle to check for herself. How the h*** could she be so rude to a customer like that? This poor old man followed her like an unloved toddler while she looked through all the cleaning products. Not finding what she was looking for, she told him she would find someone to assist him and then stormed off.

This poor old man was left looking around, all confused, checking back to his shopping list like it would tell him where to go.

Five minutes passed, and I realised that help was not coming from the manager, so he was well and truly abandoned. I went to the promoter for another company and asked him to help, since he had been working there for a month already and was friends with the employees. He called someone to come help, and within seconds, the old man was being led off to another section by an employee.

I later found out the manager works at a desk and has zero clue how the rest of the store works.

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Park And No Recreation

, , , , | Right | June 15, 2021

I cash a woman out at the drive-thru. The order is something that can take a couple of extra minutes to prepare, so sometimes we ask people to park if they order it. However, we happen to have a fresh one ready that has just finished cooking, so I do not tell her to park.

Me: “Here are your drinks. I’ll be right back in a moment with your food.”

I turn away and walk over to the bagging station to get her order ready. Again, the food is already cooked, so I’m only waiting about thirty seconds for the kitchen to put it together. I happen to glance back over at the window and see that she’s gone, and my next car is at the window.

We’re located on one end of a plaza, and the parking lot stretches for a good 250 feet from one end to the other. It’s also packed. I can’t leave the store since we’re busy, but I do try to spot her from our front window as best I can. Not seeing her, and thinking she drove off, I tell the kitchen to cancel the order. People have done this before, so I think nothing of it. We finish off the remaining orders.

Ten minutes later, the customer comes stomping in.

Customer: “Why didn’t you bring me my food? I’ve been waiting out there for ten minutes and you said it would only be a moment!”

Me: “Ma’am, I had your order ready. When I turned back to bring it to you at the window, you were gone. I looked but didn’t see you in the parking lot, so we cancelled the order.”

Customer: “But you told me to park! Why didn’t you look for me?”

Me: “I didn’t ask you to park. I said I’d be right back. I did look for you, but because we were busy, I couldn’t leave to walk around the parking lot to find you. I can give you your order right now, though, if you don’t mind waiting a moment for us to get it back together.”

She agreed to take her food now, still complaining about how everyone always makes her park and how I should have gone on an expedition to find her. 

I handed over her order, and since the rush had died down, I watched her leave just to see exactly where she’d parked. She was at the opposite end of the lot; I had to walk out our front door and past three other stores to see her.

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Lifestyles Of The Cheap And The Hungry

, , , , , , | Friendly | June 15, 2021

Back in the depths of time, when I was in high school, one of my friends was notoriously cheap. He had money but loathed spending it on anything except his hobbies. I was driving back to town after taking the group to a convention when we decided to pull over at a chain restaurant for lunch. The waiter handed us the menus and asked us what we wanted to drink.

Me: “Iced tea, please.”

Friend #2: “Coke.”

Friend #3: “Coffee.”

Friend #1: “I’ll just have water.”

The rest of us rolled our eyes at that but looked through the menus and decided what we wanted to eat. [Friend #1] spent a lot of time checking the menu for the cheapest item and was still at it when the waiter returned.

Waiter: “Have we decided what we’re having?”

Friend #2: “I’ll have a cheeseburger and onion rings.”

Friend #3: “Could I get [restaurant specialty meal]?”

Me: “I’d like a cheeseburger and fries.”

[Friend #1] was silent.

Waiter: “Sir? Are you ready to order?”

Friend #1: “I’d like the a la mode.”

Everyone at the table sat there in shock. The waiter rallied quickly.

Waiter: “You said you wanted a la mode?”

Friend #1: “That’s all I want.”

Waiter: “Uh… most people have that with pie.”

Friend #1: “Nope. I’ll just have the a la mode.

He handed the waiter his menu.

Waiter: “O… kay. One a la mode it is.”

The waiter headed for the kitchen to put in our order and we all rounded on [Friend #1].

All Of Us: “What the h*** is wrong with you? Who the h*** orders a la mode by itself? It’s supposed to be served on a slice of pie!”

Friend #1: “It’s the cheapest thing on the menu.”

Our food was quickly brought out to us, and [Friend #1] got a very small scoop of vanilla ice cream served on an otherwise empty saucer. We mocked him mercilessly throughout the meal and during the drive back to town. 

Me: A la mode may have been the cheapest item on the menu, but it wasn’t the cheapest thing in that restaurant.”

Friend #1: *Looking interested* “What was the cheapest thing at the restaurant?”

All Of Us: “YOU!”

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No Toilet Paper But Plenty Of Bulls***

, , , | Right | CREDIT: the_Heeter | June 15, 2021

I work at a sort of small grocery store with just ten aisles and a produce section. We have no stock tonight thanks to our trucks all being delayed or rerouted. I’m mopping in our canned goods section. A woman comes up to me in a huff.

Customer: *Rudely* “Hey! I’ve been looking all over the store for toilet paper, and I can’t find any.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we are completely out of toilet paper. If you really need it, you can check at [Store #1] or [Store #2] to see if they have any.”

Customer: “I already went there; they didn’t have any. They said you did, so where is it on the shelves?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but they must have told you wrong. We don’t have any and haven’t for a day or two.”

Customer: *Scoffs* “Impossible! Go and check the back. I’ll wait right here.”

So, I smile and plod to the back to be greeted with the empty room where our stock pallets normally are. I wait a couple of seconds and then turn around and go back to the customer.

Customer: “Well, where is it? I need [Brand] in twenty-four packs.”

Me: “Again, ma’am, I’m sorry, but we don’t have any toilet paper. I don’t know when we will get more in. Our trucks are being delayed, and furthermore, much of our product is on backorder.”

Customer: “Well, I still need [Brand], so…”

I stand there, smiling awkwardly, wanting her to just leave.

Customer: “You’re not going to go get it?”

Me: “I just said we don’t have any. I’m sorry, ma’am, but you’ll have to come back another time.”

Customer: “You can’t be serious! This is the only day I have to shop!”

Me: “Sorry, but we just don’t have any mo—”

Customer: *Cutting me off* “Stop giving me that excuse! Where is it?”

Me: “Fine. It’s a few sections over, middle shelf on the left. Good luck.”

Customer: “Finally, thank you! I’ll just get it myself.”

She then walked away as I went back to cleaning my section. For a moment, there was silence, then an exasperated gasp, and then quick footsteps approaching me. I braced myself, and as she rounded the corner, I strained to wear my best smile.

Customer: “I can’t believe you, telling me wrong! I’ll just take my business elsewhere!”

She then stormed out of the building, and I haven’t seen her since, thank goodness.

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