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And We Thought “Cheeseburger Without Cheese” Was Weird

, , , | Right | October 14, 2021

Customer: “I’d like a burger with no onion, no lettuce, no pickle, no cheese, no burger.”

Me: *After a moment of pause* “So… the buns with ketchup and mayo?”

Customer: “Oh, and no mayo.”

I have to get the manager because I have no idea if we can even do that.

Manager: “Sir, we do have meatless burgers, if you’d prefer?”

The customer declines.

Customer: “I want the buns with ketchup… Oh, and fries and water.”

After some button-pushing on the registers, the manager okayed it. I’m thinking that maybe this person ordered the bun and ketchup so that maybe they could make a French fry sandwich? It’s the only thing I can imagine at this point.

Lost In Translation, Part 2

, , , , , | Right | October 13, 2021

Customer: “I want a Bible that’s in English, not a translation.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. English, but not a translation?”

Customer: “I want the original Bible! I don’t want the New Testament Greek one you have. I want the original, but in English.”

I end up leaving him in the King James Version section.

Me: *While walking away quickly* “Let me know if there’s anything else I can do.”

Lost In Translation

Some Bosses Expect The Impossible

, , , , , | Working | October 13, 2021

A few times a year, I get laryngitis and cannot even utter a squeak. I don’t get a whole lot of warning when it’s about to hit me, but when it does, I’m pretty much a street mime until it decides to pass. I don’t tend to call off work unless I’m so ill that I feel like I can’t legitimately do my job. When you answer calls all day long, not having a voice falls into this category.

One day, a few hours into my shift, my voice goes out completely. I frantically write a note to my supervisor explaining what has happened and that I will need to go home.

Supervisor: “No, you cannot leave! We’ve had way too many people call out today! Get back on the phone right now!”

Rather than argue, I decide to just do what I’m told. I get back on the phone and allow the calls to roll in. I attempt to greet each customer, but of course, nothing comes out of my mouth. The customers repeat, “Hello?” several times before finally hanging up. This goes on for about an hour.

Finally, my supervisor comes over to me.

Supervisor: “Umm… so, Quality was trying to monitor your calls just now. You can go home. Take as long as you need to get your voice back.”

I could have been snarky. Instead, I just wrote a polite, “Thank you,” and clocked out for the day. I’m still not sure how they expected me to do over-the-phone tech support without being able to talk.

Closing The Store And Closing The Door On Employee-Manager Relations

, , , , | Working | October 13, 2021

I was working at a restaurant for six months on probation. Lawfully speaking, if a restaurant wants a person to continue working, they are obliged to provide a full contract to the employee; otherwise, they are breaking labor law. However, most companies get around this by “goading” an employee into quitting if they don’t want them by slashing hours or scrutinizing their work meticulously. It’s a scumbag tactic and this restaurant is no exception.

It’s a late Saturday afternoon and I am due to finish at 6:00 pm. Our supervisor, who is the biggest brown nose you will ever meet, has talked non-stop about his friends who are out on the town this night, directly implying that he wants to go out with them even though he is closing. He knows that I am busy on Saturday evenings with my own podcast, so he hasn’t asked me if I would be interested in closing. At 5:50 pm, the following message appears on our Facebook group.

Restaurant Manager: “[Supervisor], you can leave at 6:00. [My Name] will close tonight.”

For the record, I would have happily considered closing, if I were asked. But now I feel that I am being forced to so the supervisor can have a good night, so I decide to stand up for myself.

Me: “No, I cannot close tonight. I’m busy.”

Restaurant Manager: “[Supervisor] is not feeling so good, [My Name], and nobody else knows how to close. You haven’t had many hours recently, either, so you can close tonight and make up for them.”

Me: “And that’s my problem, because? You decided to cut my hours this month, and even if I closed tonight — which I am not doing — I would be looking at only two hours, tops, if we’re lucky. It would not make any difference to the hours I normally did before. Sorry, [Restaurant Manager], but I am not closing.”

Restaurant Manager: “What are you doing tonight, then, [My Name]? Going out?”

Me: “Not that it is relevant, but I actually have a podcast lined up.”

Restaurant Manager: “Nobody cares about your stupid videos, [My Name].”

Now I’m DEFINITELY not doing it.

Me: “Do you honestly believe that saying stuff like that is supposed to encourage my decision? It has, just not in the way you want. I am leaving in five minutes, as my shift ends at 6:00 pm.”

Restaurant Manager: “[My Name], if you leave at 6:00 pm despite being told to stay, you will not get your tips for this week.”

Me: “Hmm, yeah, I really think that’s not happening. I’ll tell you what. Let me offer you a different choice. How about I still leave at 6:00 pm, I still get my tips, and you get the benefit of my silence when I do not report this conversation to my union. How does that sound?”

I had applied and joined a union when I started because of a previous issue that happened exactly like this. The restaurant manager had no choice but to keep the supervisor on that night, which he hated me for, but honestly, I couldn’t have cared less. I left that job the next week and entered a new job that I love.

Voicemail Fail, Part 6

, , , | Right | October 13, 2021

I work in a call center taking inbound customer calls, and there’s another section that makes outbound calls for any inquiries that require followup. If we need a call back, we provide direct extensions, a reference number, etc. In other words, something more identifiable than just our first names.

Caller: “I just got a message from John. He said to ask for him when I call back.”

I know at least four Johns personally in sales.

Me: “Let me see if I can track him down. Did you happen to have the extension handy? Or maybe you have an outstanding order or invoice that you were calling about?”

Caller: “I guess I just have to listen to the message.”

He hung up, leaving me to wonder if he just heard, “Hello, this is John from [Company],” and hung up his voicemail?

Voicemail Fail, Part 5
Voicemail Fail, Part 4
Voicemail Fail, Part 3
Voicemail Fail, Part 2
Voicemail Fail