Some People Just Want To Watch The World Burn, Part 2

, , , , | Right | October 19, 2020

I’m working in a fast food restaurant as a cashier, and a woman comes in. All of our kids’ meals are preset so you automatically get fries and a drink with them.

Me: “Hi, ho—”

Customer: “Yeah, I want the [Kids’ Meal] burger.”

Me: “Okay.”

Customer: “What comes on that?”

Me: “For the kids’ one, we have only pickles and mustard on it, and for the regular one we—”

Customer: “I didn’t ask you about the regular, did I?!”

Me: “I just thought I’d be helpful, ma’am.”

Customer: “Whatever.”

Me: “So, pickles and mustard is good, ma’am?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “…”

Customer: “…”

This woman is staring at me like I know what the h*** she wants.

Me: *Fed up* “Ma’am, if you don’t know what you want on your burger, maybe you should order something else.” 

Customer: “I’m not ordering anything else. I know what I want on it.”

Me: “And that is?”

Customer: “Everything that [Item #1] has.”

I enter lettuce, tomatoes, onions.

Customer: “Ew, I don’t want tomatoes.”

Me: “Okay.”

She then does this with the onions and lettuce, too.

Me: “So, then, just pickles and mustard like it was before?”

Customer: “Um, no, I said just like [Item #1].”

I’m pretty much over being polite at this point and I just want this idiot out of my line that’s growing.

Me: “Yes, ma’am, but with only mustard and pickles.”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “Okay, the—” 

Customer: “Why does it say, ‘kids’ meal’?”

Me: “All of our kids’ meals are preset to have fries and a drink.”

Customer: “Take it off.”

Me: “Take what off?”

Customer: “The meal.”

Me: “I just told you they come preset. I can’t change that.”

Customer: “This is f****** stupid.”

Me: “I’m sorry you feel that way, ma’am.”

Customer: “Yeah, I’m sure you—”

Me: “What’s the treat?”

Customer: “What? Treat?”

Me: “It’s the dessert for the meal. Which one would you like? We have fruit chews, chocolate chunk cookie, or a sugar cookie.”

Customer: “Bleh. Are those the only options? I don’t want any of those.”

I press the “no treat” button.

Customer: “I didn’t say that I wanted no treat!”

Me: *Done* “Ma’am, pick one or I’m putting no treat. You have been here for around ten minutes holding up my line and my customers are getting annoyed.”

She did eventually pick one before trying to exchange it, and then she got offended when I said we couldn’t take it back but I would get a new one for her.

She ate her meal in the restaurant, much to my dismay, and glared holes into the side of my head every time I walked past her. When she left, she didn’t throw away any of her crap and left two pennies on the table on top of a napkin that read, “Tip, b****.” We can’t accept tips, so her little act of revenge didn’t do anything. 

Some People Just Want To Watch The World Burn

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And That’s How The Digital Cookie Crumbles

, , , , | Right | October 18, 2020

We handle technical support for the guest Wi-Fi at a number of large hotel chains.

Me: “Thank you for calling technical support. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, your Internet is very slow. You guys need to clean it out.” 

Me: “Okay, well, if you can help me gather a little information, I’d be happy to troubleshoot that for you.”

Customer: “No, I don’t have time for that; I’m very busy. Can’t you just fix it up?”

Me: “I can certainly see what I can do, but I’m going to need a little more information.”

Customer: “Ugh! I’m not a computer geek. You’re supposed to do that stuff. I don’t have time for this.”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, ma’am, but feel free to give us a call when you do have a few moments to spare so we can see about the speed issue.”

Customer: “Yeah, well, you guys should just clean out your cookies or whatever!” *Click*

And That’s How The Scam-Cookie Crumbles
And That’s How The Not-Free Cookie Crumbles
And That’s How The Entitlement Cookie Crumbles
And That’s How The Calorie-Counting Crumbles
And That’s How The Cookie Epically Crumbles

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, , , | Right | October 18, 2020

A woman phones in an order, but when she comes to pick it up she doesn’t have any money.

Customer: “Can I Venmo the restaurant?”

Me: “I’m afraid not. You can pay with cash, card, or even with a code you can scan with your phone.”

Customer: “Nope. Can I Venmo you, and then you could pay?”

I politely declined. She hung around, fiddling on her phone, and eventually left. That should have been the end of it, but no.

Hours later, fifteen minutes before the kitchen closes, she calls back.

Customer: “Remember me? I bought [food item] earlier? Well, do you still have it? I just finished a job so I have money now.”

Me: “I do not have her food.” *from five hours earlier*

Customer: “Could I order it again?”

Me: “You will need to order in person and pay ahead of time, and get to the restaurant in the fifteen minutes that we still have left of dinner service.”

She pleads, so I hand the phone to the manager. She wore him down so he said to just have it made.

I put in the order (again) and packaged it up to go. She arrives two minutes after the kitchen closed, so I hand her the bag.

Customer: “No, I want to eat it here. Also, I want a liter of beer.”

I breathe in and my manager pours the beer. She sits outside and eats from the to-go package.

As I am bringing in the chairs from outside, she motions for me to come over. Taking a breath and getting this weird smile on her face she looks me in the eyes and says:

Customer: “Remember how I asked you to use your Venmo earlier today? Well, you really should have. It’s called customer service.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “I told you I would pay by Venmo. You work here and you should have done your job. It’s customer service.”

Me: “Giving out my personal information is not a part of the job, and I am not personally responsible for being a payment method for customers.”

She just kept disagreeing. I finally had to walk away.

After she ate she came inside and asked the manager for a job!

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Absolutely Trucking Mad, Part 4

, , , , | Right | October 18, 2020

I have a side hustle on my days off. My job in an oilfield has a rotational schedule where I work two weeks then get two weeks off. I make plenty of money at my job, but it doesn’t hurt to make a little extra cash.  

I am, in essence, a tour guide for the region I live in. I don’t have any planned tours but usually, just take people to see neat places that they would not know about or think to go to.

I am adamant about getting paid upfront. Customers sign an agreement that guarantees to protect my truck from messes or damage. So far I have never had any issues, fortunately, and people always enjoyed the places I showed them.

Except for one family. 

They seem friendly enough when they sign the contract and I collect my fee. Once money changed hands with this family, the attitude changes; they begin treating me like I am a second-class citizen.

I drive the around to some of the most beautiful scenery you can find. It’s rare people are left speechless by these places and never have I seen someone not be impressed. Until now. Every place I show them just seems to disappoint them. I can’t deny I am a little offended by their indifference, but whatever, I have my money.

When I get back to town and drop them off at their hotel, it gets interesting.

Customer: “You can just park in the back and leave the keys at the desk. Tell them they are for the Smith family.”

Me: “I’m sorry, what?”

Customer: “This truck, just park it in the back. We might use it later.”

Me: “This is my truck. I’m not leaving it here, that’s not part of the deal”

Customer: “Oh please, there is no way you can own a vehicle like this. It obviously belongs to your company.”

Me: “I do this job self-employed, on my days off from my regular job. I assure you, this is my truck. I can show you my name on the title.”

Customer: “Young man, if you don’t do as your told I will be forced to call your boss.”

I am thirty.

Me: “You mean me? I am my boss.”

Customer: “Okay, smart a**, get your boss on the phone, right now!” 

I think about just driving off but then have a better idea. I call my supervisor at my real job. He’s been in the oilfield for fourteen years and could be quite the cusser. He knows what I do on my days off and even sends people my way a sometimes. He answers and I just say:

Me: “One of my clients is demanding to speak with my boss, so here she is.”

I hand her my phone.

Customer: *sounding smug* “I tried to tell your driver to leave the truck here so we could use it but he lied and said he owns it—”

I can hear him yelling.

Boss: “ARE YOU F****** STUPID?”

I don’t discern anything else but I know he gives her a good thrashing. She just walks to the window, and hands me my phone.

Customer: “He wants to talk to you.”

She then walks away.

Boss: “That fix your problem?”

Me: “Yeah, thanks [His Name].”

Boss: “Anytime brother.”

Absolutely Trucking Mad, Part 3
Absolutely Trucking Mad, Part 2
Absolutely Trucking Mad

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Leaving A Paper-Fail, Part 2

, , , , | Right | October 17, 2020

I work in a secondhand store. A customer comes to my till to cash out with two packages of lined paper.

Customer: “I think I should get a discount on this paper since it’s past its expiration date.”

I’m very confused, since I have never seen an expiration date on paper before, and I start looking for a date on the paper. After a couple of seconds, I realize what she’s talking about.

Me: “Ma’am, that’s not the expiration date of the paper; it’s the expiration date of the coupon. Paper doesn’t have an expiration date.”

Customer: “Well, I can’t use the coupon that comes with it so I should get a discount.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but it’s already at its lowest possible price.”

It’s $0.99.

Customer: “Fine, but I don’t think that’s fair!”

Leaving A Paper-Fail

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