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Do You Even Google, Bro?

, , , , | Right | May 12, 2022

I work at a gym and am currently answering calls.

Me: “Hello, thank you for calling [Gym]. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Uh, yeah. Do you know if [Restaurant] near you guys is open?”

Me: “Sorry, sir. I do not.”

Caller: “Oh. Well, could you check for me?”

Me: “Pardon?”

Caller: “Ya. Can you walk over there and see if they are?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I can’t leave the building. I would suggest looking up their number and calling them to find out.”

Caller: “How would I find out their number?”

Me: “They probably have it listed on Google.”

Caller: “Can you do it for me? Call them and then call me back and let me know?”

Me: “Sorry. We are quite busy at the moment, and since this is unrelated to the gym, I won’t be able to assist you.”

He begrudgingly accepted that answer, muttering something along the lines of how I was providing poor customer service. I looked up his number in our system and no memberships popped up, so he wasn’t even a member of the gym!

Boo For Him, But Yay For You!

, , , , , , | Working | May 12, 2022

About twenty years ago, I was working freelance, helping several small local businesses with their bookkeeping and data input. I was used to working in the owners’ houses on old equipment or even taking work home to deal with.

One of my clients knew of a small business whose owner had just decided to computerise their accounts system and had employed a worker who claimed to be an expert in computers and accounts, but said worker had abruptly left them after only a couple of weeks, and it was suggested I might like to take over. As it only involved a few hours each week, it fit well with my other commitments, so I went to meet the business owner.

They showed me their rather old computer, running Windows 3.1, set up in their dining room, and asked me whether that was okay with me, as their previous employee had insisted they needed an office to work in and a state-of-the-art new computer for them to use, which the business could not afford.

As soon as I moved the mouse, I realised there was a slight problem; the cursor hardly moved. I just turned the mouse upside down, removed the retaining ring, tipped the ball out, and scraped a thick layer of gunk off the rollers inside. When I put it back together, it worked perfectly. The look on the owner’s face was great — to see the “load of rubbish” made to work so easily confirmed their poor opinion of the previous employee’s expertise in computers. The computer didn’t need to go online, so the fact that it used an outdated version of Windows did not matter, and it turned out they had made a mess of setting up the accounts, too!

I worked one morning a week for that business for fifteen years until the owner decided to retire.

This Job May Require Telepathy, Part 4

, , , | Right | May 12, 2022

I work in customer service for a newspaper subscription. People call in asking to have their address changed fairly often and also sometimes to cancel their subscription. A customer called in two days ago and had me cancel their previous cancellation of the subscription, which I did.

Today, they call in again.

Customer: “Why is my newspaper arriving at the wrong address?!”

I start frantically searching our system to see who messed up their address and find zilch.

Customer: “We cancelled our subscription about a week ago, and during the remaining time the newspaper was supposed to go to our daughter’s place, which is where the newspaper now is going, but we called in about resuming the subscription.”

Me: *Internally screaming* “I don’t see it mentioned that you wanted the newspaper back to your original address. I can certainly make sure it arrives there from here on.”

Customer: “Hmph. About time!”

Related:
This Job May Require Telepathy, Part 3
This Job May Require Telepathy, Part 2
This Job May Require Telepathy

“Black”… “Bright”… Riiiiiight…

, , , , | Right | May 12, 2022

A client asked me to build a website with very specific colors (grey and white) and even gave me a website to base the design on. Then:

Client: “There isn’t enough color on the site.”

Me: “But you specifically asked for only grey and white.”

Client: “I know, but it doesn’t have enough color.”

Me: “Okay, we’ll tweak the original idea. Did you have any colours in mind?”

Client: “Let’s go with something bright and matching.”

Me: “Luckily, almost any color will go with white and grey as the base palette.”

Client: “How about black?”

Me: “…especially black.”

Here We Pokémon Go Again, Part 45

, , , , , | Right | May 12, 2022

The store I work at sells popular trading card games: think Magic: The Gathering, Pokémon, Yu-Gi-Oh!, and the like. The store is set up so there are glass-fronted cases with the more expensive product in them, with the cheaper stuff on the countertops.

In the Pokémon section, there are a couple of boxes on the countertop with cheaper cards in them. Each card is in its own color-coordinated sleeve, and each box clearly indicates prices per colored sleeve. For example, each card in a green sleeve is $1, each card in a purple sleeve is $2, each card in an orange sleeve is $3, etc.

A regular comes in one evening, and we all dislike this kid. Sadly, I pull the short straw as I’m the one manning the front counter, and it’s quiet enough we don’t need too many people up front. I say my hello spiel as the kid comes in, continue what I’m doing, and watch him out of the corner of my eye.

This kid pulls at least fifty sleeves from the Pokémon boxes and lays them all out on the counter. It’s fine; this isn’t the first time this has happened, it’s a slow night, and I don’t need the countertop at this time.

This kid spends a good ten minutes hemming and hawing, pulls out twenty or so of the cards that he wants, and puts the rest back. He lays all his chosen cards out on the counter, one by one.

Kid: “What’s the total for all of these?”

I ring him up, and his total (with tax) is over fifty dollars.

The kid stares at me, slack-jawed and bug-eyed.

Kid: “How could it be this much?! I only pulled, like, twenty cards!”

He pulled twenty cards of various prices, each CLEARLY INDICATED BY THE BOXES THEY ARE IN, and wanted the total to be UNDER $10.

The kid takes the cards back, goes through them again, and removes a single card

Kid: “Okay, how much is my total now?”

The total was now roughly fifty dollars. The kid took the cards back, went through them again, and removed another single card.

This went on for a good fifteen minutes. He finally, FINALLY made his purchase… of three cards.

The worst part is that this happened not once, not twice, but THRICE, the last time with him arguing with me that one of the cards was a dollar because he found it in the dollar box.

The card was in a purple sleeve, making it $2. It was a $2 card. I know it was because I put it there. It may have gotten misplaced, but there is a reason the cards are in color-coordinated sleeves: because of things like this.

This kid clearly does not know how this process works.

Related:
Here We Pokémon Go Again, Part 44
Here We Pokémon Go Again, Part 43
Here We Pokémon Go Again, Part 42
Here We Pokémon Go Again, Part 41
Here We Pokémon Go Again, Part 40