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On The Need For Hazard Pay, Part 33

, , , , , , , | Right | CREDIT: Crazer-Razerr | December 7, 2022

 I work for one of many self-employable delivery apps that deliver food for various restaurants.

On this particular day, I have gotten assigned two orders that are relatively close to each other. I pick up the first order and get the second, too. The first order, of course, gets dropped off first. It takes me about ten minutes to get to the first address and drop off the order, but I can’t drop it off immediately since I have to hand it to the customer. This takes an additional five minutes since it takes them forever to answer the door. Once that has been completed, I am on the way to the next address.

I get to the next house to drop off this order, and this one also requests that I hand it directly to the customer. I knock on the door and a lady answers. She has this look on her face like I just kicked a puppy or something. She crosses her arms.

Lady: “Took you long enough! We saw you go all over the place except here to drop our food off. Care to explain?”

I am kind of shocked, but using my best customer service voice, I reply:

Me: “Sorry, ma’am. I was assigned two orders, and I was instructed to take the first order first since it was closer, I assume. If there is an issue, you can contact [Delivery App] support and they can try to work with you.”

She is not happy about this.

Lady: “I want my order remade, and I want it for free, or I’ll call the restaurant and have you fired!”

She has been very rude to this point and I really don’t want to help her further.

Me: “Ma’am, I don’t work for the restaurant. I am an independent contractor. I am so sorry, but there is nothing I can do.”

After that statement, she becomes irate. She starts to clap her hands.

Lady: “Okay. You wait right here. I got something for you.”

I decide it’s time to leave. Before I can completely get off the front porch, her husband comes out! He is at least six feet tall, and he starts to scream at me to hold it right there.

Now, for further context, I have trained in multiple martial arts and self-defense for years. I hear this man come out and yell, and I immediately turn to face him because you never want someone who is potentially aggressive to have your back. I am still backing up, but now I have turned to face him, only feet away.

He starts advancing toward me, screaming.

Man: “You are going get us our f****** refund or else!”

I reply with the same statement I told the lady, but in a softer tone to attempt to de-escalate this man. As I am in mid-sentence, he pushes me back hard. As soon as he pushes me, my instincts and training kick in. As I regain my footing (I didn’t get knocked down), I square my stance and put my hands up to my face in case he tries to swing at me. I start to yell back at the guy and order him not to get any closer or put his hands on me. (This is my warning.)

He then throws a wild punch which I slip back with a lean, and then I counter with a front kick to his stomach. This lands flush, confirmed by a notable “Oof” sound. He folds slightly, exposing his face, so I followed up with a one-two as trained. After eating a one-two, he falls to one knee. I move back slightly to disengage and tell him to stay down so I can leave. (Once again, you never just turn your back on an aggressor.)

He gets up, red in the face. He screams at me again.

Man: “F*** YOU! I’LL KILL YOU!”

And he attempts to charge me. He throws another wild punch and another. I eat one but slip and duck under the second to get around to his back. From here, I attempt to wrestle him down. He keeps trying to punch me and even elbows me once in the face before I am able to trip him and take him down. I do my best to pin him, but I’m not successful until he rolls toward me and I mount him. He is mad!

Man: “I will f****** kill you! Get the f*** off me!”

He tries to bench-press me off of him and almost gets up a couple of times. He is strong!

Me: “I’m not getting off of you until you calm down!”

Now, he starts to punch, scratch, and bite me. In response, I give a good couple of hammer fists to get him to cover up, and once he does, I get higher on his chest to pin his arms above his head. We remain there until the cops come.

Once they arrive, they order me off him and PUT ME IN CUFFS! I am put in a squad car until a cop comes to get my statement and asks me what happened.

Me: “They wanted a refund, and I couldn’t give it to them since I’m just a [Delivery App] driver.”

Cop: “The lady here called and said you threatened her and that you were assaulting her husband on their front lawn. Do you have any way to prove your side?”

Lucky for me, I have a dash cam in my car, and I left the windows down. The cam caught some of the action from the front door on video and the rest caught audio of the man demanding a refund and threatening me, me telling him to back off, some audio of the struggle, him telling me he was going to kill me, and even me telling him to calm down.

Apparently, a neighbor across the street had a doorbell camera, and it also captured the incident with video and some audio.

The cops then let me go. They got my information and told me that my story seemed straight. I pressed charges against the man and was told by the cops they would call me if they had more questions.

I also reported them to [Delivery App] and included a copy of the police case number from the record in my county. That should be sufficient to get them banned.

On The Need For Hazard Pay, Part 32
On The Need For Hazard Pay, Part 31
On The Need For Hazard Pay, Part 30
On The Need For Hazard Pay, Part 29
On The Need For Hazard Pay, Part 28

Did You Leave Your Brain In The Shop, Too?

, , , , | Right | December 7, 2022

Client: “My Internet doesn’t work!”

Me: “Can you tell me what you see on the computer screen?”

Client: “It’s black!”

Me: “Is your computer turned on?”

Client: “Of course it is! The green light is on!”

Me: “Can you try restarting the computer?”

Client: “I can’t; the tower is in the shop!”

Me: “…”

Me: “So, the green light is on your monitor?”

Client: “Yeah! My computer!”

Even If I Worked Here, I Couldn’t Help You

, , , , , | Right | December 6, 2022

I’m picking up food from a restaurant chain. As I get to the door on my way out with my food, a little old lady with a cane is walking up to the door from outside. I hold the door open for her, she thanks me, and I start to head toward my car. I’m stopped by a woman who’s approaching the restaurant with her family.

Woman: “Your parking lot is full! Ugh! You need to put in more parking!”

Me: “What?”

Woman: “I said you need to put in more parking! The parking lot is full! There was nowhere for us to park!”

Me: “Oh! I don’t actually work here.”

Woman: “Oh. Well, I thought you worked here because you were holding the door. Sorry about that.”

She went on inside with her family, leaving me confused. Just because I hold open doors for little old ladies with canes, that doesn’t mean I’m an employee who’s required to do so; I was just being nice. And even if I was an employee, did she want me to go inside and ask some customer eating their dinner to get in their car and scram for this woman and her family?

The really funny part is that this restaurant sits in the middle of a shopping center. Many of the storefronts in said center have been closed and empty for years, so while the restaurant-specific parking area right next to the building is fairly small (and partially taken up by curbside pickup spaces), the parking lot for the whole shopping center always has a TREMENDOUS amount of available parking.

I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 46
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 45
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 44
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 43
I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 42

Sticky Situations Aren’t My Cup Of Tea

, , , , , , , | Right | December 6, 2022

I love honey on my toast and in my tea, so I usually carry some in a couple of mini jars when I’m travelling. They literally hold about two teaspoons each. I’m having a buffet breakfast in my hotel, and they don’t have honey, so I’ve brought my tiny jar to my table.

The family at the next table spots it.

Child: “Mum, look! I want honey!”

Mum: “Excuse me. Where did you get the honey? We didn’t see any.”

Me: “I don’t think they’ve got any. I brought this with me.”

Mum: “I’ll go ask.”

Off she goes, and I carry on enjoying the last of my breakfast, spreading honey on my toast.

Mum: *To her daughter* “They haven’t got any. We’ll ask the nice lady.”

Dad: *To me* “Excuse me. They haven’t got any. Can my daughter have some of yours?”

Me: “No, sorry. It’s just enough for one.”

Mum: “But she just wants a bit. Can’t you spare a bit?”

Me: “No, sorry, but it’s really just enough for me.”

Daughter: “Daaaaad, I really want honey.”

Dad: “Look, she’s just a kid. Can you just give us a bit for her?”

Me: “No. I can’t.”

I spoon the last of my honey into my tea and put the jar into my pocket.

Mum: *Angry now* “Oh, well, that’s nice. Sorry, [Daughter], the lady won’t give you any honey.”

The daughter starts crying.

Dad: “Are you happy now? Look at her!”

Me: “I’m not the one who promised her honey when there wasn’t any. Yeah, I’m happy. Looks like your day’s going to suck, though.”

I took my tea and headed to my room while the daughter had a complete meltdown behind me.

When Your Manager Daylight Saves You

, , , , , , , | Right | December 6, 2022

The recent daylight savings switch reminded me of this encounter. I am opening the store, and a woman is standing there looking very angry.

Customer: “You were supposed to open an hour ago!”

Me: “Sorry, ma’am. This is our normal opening hour, but it was daylight savings overnight, so maybe you didn’t adjust your watch?

Customer: “How dare you say this is my fault?! Get me your manager… now!”

My manager is summoned and the customer’s complaint is heard.

Manager: “I see, ma’am. Can I see the time on your watch?”

Customer: “It’s 10:05.”

Manager: “That’s amazing, ma’am. Can you tell me what the future is like?”

Customer: “What?!”

Manager: “The future? Since you insist that the time on your watch is the only one that is right, but the time everywhere else in the nation is 9:05, I can only assume you must have traveled back in time to get here. Tell me, did they solve climate change? Is there a human city on Mars?”

Customer: “I’m going to call corporate!”

She storms back into the parking lot, with my manager keeping an eye out.

Manager: *To me* “Ah, maaaan, she’s driving a mini-van. I was hoping for a DeLorean.”