Girls Don’t Fart; They Just Explode When They’re Forty

, , , , , , , | Related | April 5, 2021

My sister-in-law has recently started a new job. She and I generally get along, even though she can be a little… odd sometimes. She has a set of rules that she enforces with my niece and nephew. Some make sense; others do not, as you will see.

To help her out, I offer to watch my niece while she works until she is old enough to go to school in a few months’ time. I absolutely adore my niece so I am delighted to get to spend more time with her.

Things seem to go well… or so I thought. My sister-in-law calls and says she’d like to talk to me about something. I suggest she swing by after she finishes work. She agrees.

I’m a little nervous since she sounded a little angry on the phone. I wonder what I could have done wrong. As far as I know, I’ve followed her rules, such as limiting screen time, not letting her watch certain shows, like Spongebob — she thinks the show is inappropriate for children — and not giving my niece too many sweets, etc.

When she arrives, my sister-in-law looks very grim.

Sister-In-Law: “I need to talk to you about something you did.”

Me: “Something I did?”

Sister-In-Law: “Yes. [Niece] told me that while you were watching a movie you… you…”

She looks deeply uncomfortable for a moment. I am fearful of what she is going to say. What horror could I possibly have committed?

Sister-In-Law: “You… passed wind in front of her!”

Me: “Oh, yes, but don’t worry. I made sure to say, ‘Pardon me.’”

My sister-in-law is a real stickler for making sure my niece and older nephew use their manners, which I 100% agree with and support. Like I said, some of her rules make perfect sense. However, you’re about to see one which does not.

Sister-In-Law: “You’re supposed to go to the toilet and do it!”

Me: “What?”

Sister-In-Law: “Girls don’t… pass wind… in public!”

Me: “I wasn’t in public. I was on my sofa. In my living room. In my house.”

Sister-In-Law: “Well, girls shouldn’t do it in front of people!”

Me: “Why not?”

Sister-In-Law: “I’m not going to have this conversation with you. You should know better! From now on, I must insist that you go to the toilet to do your… your business.”

Me: “I don’t agree with it, but if you’d rather [Niece] do that in the toilet, that’s fine. I’ll make sure she does. She’s your kid, not mine, so you can raise her any way you like. But I’m not about to get up to go to the bathroom just to fart in my own home.”

Sister-In-Law: “What do you mean, you don’t agree with it?”

Me: “You’re teaching her to be ashamed of her body’s natural processes. I notice you never make [Nephew] leave the room.”

Sister-In-Law: “He’s a boy.”

Me: “Why should that matter? Everyone farts. It’s a normal, natural part of the human body. I get you might want to limit that sort of thing in certain places. [Brother] and I were always taught never to fart at the dinner table or in enclosed spaces if we could help it, but otherwise, we were free to ‘pass wind’ wherever we needed to. It’s unhealthy to keep it inside.”

My sister-in-law wasn’t having any of it and kept insisting that it was “improper” and “rude” for girls to fart anywhere except the toilet. She hadn’t mentioned this rule at all when I offered to take care of [Niece], which is odd because she listed every other rule. I guess she just assumed this was a rule that all women followed.

In the end, I told her that if she wanted somebody who would go off into another room to “pass wind,” she should start looking for a babysitter or a nanny or something. At this, [Sister-In-Law] relented, but she wasn’t happy about it.

I told [Brother] about it and he said he’d talk to her about it. He had no idea she had been making [Niece] leave the room to fart.

[Niece] continued to come and stay with me, and [Sister-In-Law] didn’t insist that she had to leave the room to pass gas, so maybe [Brother] was able to talk some sense into her.

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He Lost The Chair Stare

, , , | Right | April 5, 2021

A customer is looking at the desk chairs, and after trying out a few, he finds one he likes.

Customer: “I’ll take it!”

He starts to push it towards the front. I follow, as it’s one of several display models, but my boss is fine with the floor models being sold if customers want them. We get to the front, but rather than stopping at the desk, the man keeps walking toward the door with the chair.

Me: “Sir, you are going to have to pay for that.”

He turns to look at me and lets out a really fake-sounding laugh.

Customer: “Oh, I’m just going to take it for a test drive and see how it looks at home.”

I’m not sure if he is joking or not.

Me: *With a chuckle* “I’m sorry, we don’t offer that service.”

He stared at me for a little bit before pushing the chair over to my desk, and then he turned and walked out. I put it back, wondering what kind of store he shops at that actually lets you take things home without paying for them.

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Not Quite The Photo Finish You Wanted

, , | Right | April 4, 2021

I work in customer care for a large manufacturer that makes a variety of food items. Sometimes if food is stored incorrectly, or for too long, or in negative environments, it can be affected by insects.

Customer: “Hi, I bought this [item] yesterday and it has worms. What are you going to do about it?”

Me: “Hello, sir, we are so sorry to hear that! I can definitely assist you further; we just need a few details in order to proceed. If you can provide me with your email address, I can send you a mail asking for further details like which store you got it from, photos of the affected food, and batch details so we can see what is going on and trace when it was made.”

Customer: “What? I don’t want to touch it! Why don’t you come here and look at it, instead?”

The customer is at least four hundred miles away, and even though we have agents, it’s a bit silly to drive out all that way to look at a $5 item when the customer can easily give us these details.

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I’m unable to come out and look at it myself, but if we can have these details, I can have your concern raised with our team, and send you a replacement [Item].”

Customer: “No! I refuse to touch it and take photos. I don’t know what has contaminated it. It’s a health risk to myself and my family! But I will be taking a lot of photos to put all over social media and Whatsapp, so people know what a terrible product you have and how you refuse to help me!”

Me: “Apologies, sir, if I’m understanding correctly, you don’t want to take a single photo for me to assist you further, but you would like to take a variety of photos to put over social media, to say we won’t help you?” 

Customer: “Yes! You are being difficult and putting me at risk, so I’m going to put it all over social media and Whatsapp!”

Me: “Well, sir, if you don’t have an email address and would prefer sending it over SMS, instead, we do have an office number and a Whatsapp number that can be used.”

Customer: “No, I don’t have a Whatsapp number. I can’t do that. You just refuse to help me. I’m going to record this conversation so I can put it on social media, too! This is terrible service!”

He just said that he has Whatsapp, and now he doesn’t?

Me: *Pauses* “All right? Well, if you can give me any information over this call, I should still be able to assist you further. It’s no problem at all. Whichever is easiest for you.”

What followed was a fifteen-minute call while the customer held the [item] in his lap to read all the information I required and gave me his address to send the replacement [item], instead of taking a photo of it to send to me. I’m still confused about the whole ordeal.

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Customer-Employee Relations Are As Brittle As Glass

, , | Right | CREDIT: MaybeMabelDoo | April 4, 2021

I once had a customer who seemed to be completely, perfectly wrong. He brought in one of our shopping bags containing a broken juice glass that had chipped in his dishwasher. This happens, and I was trying to figure out which set it was from while we argued about whether his replacement should be free.

Customer: “The sign says it’s dishwasher safe. It broke in the dishwasher.”

Me: “Dishwashers have boiling water and extreme dry heating. All glass is unaffected by those conditions, making it dishwasher safe. If it bangs around due to over-filling, that’s on you.”

Customer: “No! It means that the glass cannot be broken while in a dishwasher.”

After chatting for a while, I finally realize we don’t have any sets that match his glass. It also doesn’t look familiar, and I got my start in the glass department three years ago. He admits he has owned the glass for at least three years. We still keep a limited quantity of discontinued pieces, so I start asking some of the veteran salespeople if they recognize the design. None of them do. Then, the man admits that he has owned his glass for over a decade. He still feels that we owe him a replacement, as he has apparently not already had his money’s worth.

On a hunch, I check our competitors’ websites and find his glass at one of them.

Me: “If you take this to a [Competitor] store, they will likely replace it for you.”

By this time, the man is getting really frustrated. He keeps talking about how we are obligated to replace the glass due to our false advertising claiming glass is dishwasher safe. Using very small words, I explain that we do not sell that glass and never have.

Customer: “I’d be willing to accept another glass of a similar shape and size.”

I show him the [Competitor] page for his glass.

Customer: “No, I bought this here!

He did not have a receipt or the credit card which he used for the original purchase. He just wanted a small glass for free in exchange for his broken glass. I apologized and refused, explaining as politely as I could that he was being totally unreasonable.

He left in a huff and complained to corporate. They called the store and told us to give him a $25 gift card to make it up to him; he would be coming back that afternoon. My boss and I discussed it and decided to offer him one free juice glass of his choice, instead. He picked out a glass which retailed for $1.25. We took his broken glass in exchange.

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There Snow Limit To That Entitlement

, , , , | Right | April 3, 2021

The store that I work at is right next to a fairly big bus station, so we have a problem of people parking their cars in our lot rather than the bus station’s parking lot. Our store manager doesn’t care enough to actually do anything, so we just have to smile and bear with customers complaining about there not being enough parking, due to a bunch of our spaces being taken up by non-shoppers.

A woman comes in, buys a fair amount, and then requests someone to help load her car. When we get out, she walks up to a car that is covered in snow. We’ve had a week or so of snow at this point, but today has been bright and sunny, so it is obvious that she is one of those who parked here long-term while she went on a trip or something. Still, knowing that it wouldn’t do any good to mention it, I just smile and prep to load her bags.

She pops open the trunk, I start putting the bags in, and then she comes from around the car with an ice scraper in her hand and tries to hand it to me.

Me: “Um, no, thank you?”

Customer: “You need to scrape off my car.”

I am kind of shocked at her audacity.

Me: “I’m sorry, but I’m just here to help load your car.”

Customer: “But it’s your fault it is covered in snow.”

Now even more shocked.

Me: “I’m very sorry, but we don’t control the weather.”

Customer: “You should have brushed it off earlier.”

I didn’t trust myself to speak without laughing or mocking her, so I just shook my head, dropped the last few bags in her trunk, and then turned and pushed the cart away. Thankfully, she didn’t try to chase me or anything, and I will admit to finding it quite funny when I came out to help someone else load their car about ten minutes later and saw this woman trying to chip away at the half-melted mound of snow on her car.

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