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Better Off Popular

, , , | Right | February 23, 2009

(I am a lifeguard and jumped in to help a boy who had wandered into deep water. This interaction happens with his mother after I help the boy out of the water.)

Mother: *running over* “What happened?!”

Me: “Everything is okay, ma’am. Your son just went too deep into the water. He should be fine.”

Mother: “Well, why the h*** did you help him?”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Mother: “Why did you have to jump in and help him?”

Me: “Well, ma’am, it’s my job, and your son was having trouble swimming–”

Mother: *interrupting* “You idiot! You embarrassed my son in front of everyone! Don’t you think you should have thought about how embarrassing that must have been for a little boy?!”

Me: “Actually, no I didn’t think about that. I was more concerned about your son drowning than him being embarrassed.”

Mother: “That’s ridiculous! Why the h*** would you ever be more concerned about THAT?!”

Simultaneously Fighting And Financing The Man

, , , | Right | February 23, 2009

(This took place at a department store makeup counter. Everyone at the counter was wearing big makeup masks at the time.)

Customer: “Why are you wearing that?”

Me: “Well, we’re having a ‘theme day’ to be creative and have fun with the makeup we sell.”

Customer: “You know it’s bad for you, right?”

Me: “The makeup?”

Customer: “Yeah! All the CLEVER people say that!”

Coworker: *jumping in* “Well, we have educations here, too, and–”

Customer: “Yeah, sure… you’re educated to sell this… this, stuff!”

Me: “Whether the makeup is bad for you or not depends on the ingredients. I’m happy to look every one of those up for you if you’re worried about the makeup harming you.”

Customer: “Yeah, right. All the dangerous ingredients are going to go right through my skin… and… the CLEVER people say that!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I’m a chemistry major as well as a makeup artist, so I actually do know about the ingredients. I can assure you that–”

Customer: *turns to my coworker* “Could you help me find a blusher in a color that would suit me, please?”


This story is part of the Hypocritical Customers roundup!

Read the next Hypocritical Customers roundup story!

Read the Hypocritical Customers roundup!

Perhaps Multiple Choice Might Be Easier

, , | Right | February 20, 2009

Customer: “I’m after some cold and flu medication.”

Me: “Sure, do you take any other medication?”

Customer: “Um… no… I don’t thi-… wait, yes, but it’s… actually no, no, I don’t.”

Me: “Okay then, and are you allergic to anything?”

Customer: “God, this is too hard!” *storms out*

Surely, One Missed Anatomy Class Can’t Hurt…

, , , , | Right | February 19, 2009

(A woman walks in with her daughter one afternoon.)

Me: “Hello, how can I help you?”

Customer: “There’s something wrong with my daughter.”

Me: “Oh?”

Customer: “Her eyes keep closing on their own!”

Me: “…ma’am, that’s called blinking.”


This story is part of our Even More Dangerous Parent’s roundup!

Read the next Even More Dangerous Parent’s roundup story!

Read the Even More Dangerous Parent’s roundup!

That Hot Tub Had Better Be Filled With Spermicide

, , , , , | Right | February 17, 2009

(A woman comes in walking with her daughter trailing behind her and cuts in front on several people.)

Customer: “Excuse me, but someone here yesterday told my 15-year-old daughter she was pregnant and I would like to complain.”

Me: “Ma’am, I can straighten this out. If you wouldn’t mind waiting in line, these people were–”

Customer: “This won’t take long. I just need you to apologize for lying!”

Me: “Ma’am, I didn’t diagnose your daughter so if–”

Customer: “She can’t be pregnant; she’s 15 AND a virgin. She’s waiting until marriage so unless this is the immaculate conception, I’m going to need an apology.”

Me: “Ma’am, like I said, I did not personally–”

Customer: “How hard is it to get an apology here!? YOU CANNOT JUST GO AROUND TELLING YOUNG GIRLS THEY ARE PREGNANT! THIS IS WHY THE TEEN PREGNANCY RATES ARE SO HIGH, YOU KNOW!

Me: “Ma’am, it doesn’t quite work like that. Now, if you could just–”

Customer: “All I want is an apology. My daughter has been traumatized!”

Me: “Fine, I’ll call the doctor and I’ll see if he can speak to you for a moment.”

Customer: “Tell him to get his butt down here right away, too. My daughter had to leave her boyfriend in the hot tub!”