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Pull Up A Chair And Watch The Show

, , , , , , | Friendly | June 5, 2018

(My mother has recently had both knees replaced, and is taking a while to heal. She’s able to walk, but when she knows she’ll be doing something that requires a lengthy amount of time on her feet, she prefers to use her personal motorized scooter. I have agreed to go shopping with her two months after her surgery, so I can push the cart for her. We have just finished checking out when she decides to visit the bathroom.)

Mom: “[My Name], sit in my chair while I’m gone.”

Me: “Why? I can watch the chair and the basket at the same time while sitting on the bench.”

Mom: “Just trust me. Sit on it. Otherwise, someone will try to take it.”

(Her chair doesn’t have a basket or the store’s logo anywhere on it, so it shouldn’t be mistaken for one of their carts, which is designed completely different from hers. However, I sit on it, and not even a minute goes by before I am approached.)

Woman: “I didn’t know lazy was a handicap. Get up; I need that cart.”

Me: “Excuse me? I’m not getting up. The store’s carts are at the front, with the buggies.”

Woman: “They’re all out. Get up. Looks like you’ve checked out already, anyway. Your fat a** can walk your buggy out of here.”

Me: “This is my mother’s personal scooter. F*** off.”

Woman: “B****, get your stupid, fat, lazy a** off! Before I get a manager!”

Me: “Okay, A: I don’t work here. B: This belongs to my mother. C: If we’re going to judge someone by looks alone, you seem to have walked around the store well enough by yourself to come all the way in from one side to the other, just to yell at me. You are not getting this chair!”

(My mother came out of the bathroom and, when I got up to let her sit back down, the other woman tried to sit in it. My mother yelled at her angrily, “Get out of my chair, you hag! I just had double knee replacement surgery!” It shocked the woman enough to hop out of the chair and scurry off. I still don’t understand why she was rude and trying to take a chair that didn’t belong to the store.)

 

Resigned Themselves To Just Being Sick

, , , , , | Working | June 5, 2018

(I heard someone tell this story on why they’re out of work. I don’t remember the exact words, so this is paraphrasing.)

Person: “He was sick, and was forced to work. His boss took him aside and proceeded to berate him. Because he was so sick, he threw up on his boss. After that he said, ‘That’s my resignation,’ and he quit.”

It’s Back-Breaking Work

, , , , , | Working | June 5, 2018

(I am riding a client’s horse and fall off. I break my back and am not really able to move or even stand due to the pain. It’s about 45 minutes before I’m due in for a retail shift. I call in to the store while literally laying in the dirt. A coworker answers the phone.)

Coworker: “Hello, this is [Store].”

Me: “Hi, [Coworker], this is [My Name]. Can I talk to [Boss]?”

(My boss is notably impossible to talk to on the phone, so she gives me the standard employee answer.)

Coworker: “She’s unavailable right now. What did you need?”

Me: “I just fell off a horse and can’t come in to work, as I’ll be heading to the ER. I was supposed to be in at noon.”

(It’s 11:30.)

Coworker: *blasé* “Okay, I’ll pass the message along.” *hangs up*

(About an hour later, my boss calls:)

Boss: “Hey, [My Name]. So, what happened?”

Me: “I fell off a horse and I can’t really move anything without pain. I’m heading to the ER for x-rays, so I won’t be in at all today.”

Boss: “Oh… but I have an appointment this afternoon; I have to leave at four! You won’t be in at all?”

(I am usually the closing manager on that night and my boss leaves at four.)

Me: “No, probably not.”

Boss: “Oh… um… Who do you think we can call? Do you think [Coworker #2] can come in?”

Me: “Up to you.”

Boss: “Well, I don’t think he can close. [Coworker #3] can’t come in, and I don’t want [Coworker #4] to close… Do you think [Coworker #5] could handle it?”

Me: “I don’t know. Maybe?”

Boss: “Um… Well, I really can’t stay. I have to make it to my appointment, and I can’t cancel.”

Me: “Yeah, sorry.”

Boss: “Okay, um… I guess I’ll call [Coworker #3] and see if he can come in. And I guess I’ll ask [Coworker #1] if she can stay late.”

Me: “All right, sounds good.”

Boss: “…”

Me: “They’re going to try and move me to the car now, so I’ll let you know how it goes.”

Boss: “Oh! Yeah, um… I hope you’re okay!”

(I was out of work for six weeks… and came back to six weeks of work piled to the ceiling back in my area. I still never figured out why I needed to be consulted on staff options while I was laying in the dirt with a fractured back.)

Peppered With Inconsideration

, , , , , | Related | June 5, 2018

(I’m intolerant to peppers, onions, and things like them. If I eat them, or things made with their juices, I will spend hours in agony. As such, I don’t go to Mexican places. My mother knows this.)

Mother: “I don’t want to cook, so let’s just go out to eat.”

Brother: “[Mexican Chicken Place]!”

Me: “No! I don’t want to end up eating rice again!”

Mother: “Nonsense! There are lots of things you can eat!”

(She pulls into the drive-thru and orders for us. She gets me corn and mashed potatoes.)

Me: *opens the box* “They put peppers in everything. I can’t eat this.”

Mother: “Stop being so difficult! Just eat your food.”

(I try to scrape the peppers off, but they really are on everything. It’s clear they were fresh, so their juices definitely got everywhere. I spend the next two days in my room and on the toilet.)

Mother: “Come out already! You’re so ridiculous! Stop being so antisocial!”

Not Seeing Eye To Eye, Part 4

, , , , , , | Friendly | June 5, 2018

(I have heterochromia, which means I have two different colored eyes. My left one is blue and my right one is brown/hazel. I’ve had many people comment on them, good and bad. Example #1: I’m taking pictures of the wildlife in the park for a school project. We’re taking a break and decide to make small talk.)

Me: “I like your bracelet.”

Partner: “Thanks, it was a birthday gift.”

Me: “Lucky.”

Partner: “Have you ever considered surgery to make both your eyes the same color?”

Me: “Does something like that exist?”

Partner: “Yeah. My aunt hates contacts but loves blue eyes.”

Me: “Unless it’s glaucoma or vision correction, I don’t feel comfortable going through expensive eye surgery.”

Partner: “But you’d look normal!”

Me: “My definition of normal and yours seem to be at different ends of the spectrum.”

(Example #2: Same park, weekend, I’m painting the pond.)

Mother: “Go on. Ask her, sweetie.”

Little Girl: “Excuse me, miss?”

Me: “Yes?”

Little Girl: “Are you a witch? Your eyes are odd.”

Me: “Shhh. If my father hears someone figured out my secret, he might give me twice my magic homework.”

Little Girl: “I promise I won’t tell.” *makes a “my lips are sealed” gesture and skips happily to her mother*

Related:
Not Seeing Eye To Eye, Part 3

Not Seeing Eye To Eye, Part 2
Not Seeing Eye To Eye