I work in a grocery store deli and am helping an older man decide what he should have for dinner.
Me: “I recommended the chicken pot pie because they are delicious and a good meal for one.”
Old Man: “Chicken pot pie? My three favorite things!”
It made me crack up and brightened up the rest of my day.
At my store, radios are worn by managers, customer service clerks, department managers, and personal shoppers. Because so many people wear radios, conversations are kept as short as possible and very rarely last over a minute. We also have earpieces so customers can’t hear our conversations. Too often this happens:
Customer: “Where is [item]?”
Me: “Where is what?”
Customer: “[Item].”
Cue management conversation on the radio.
Me: “I’m not sure. Let me ask.”
I pause since I can’t talk when others are talking on the radio, but I have my finger on the talk button ready to ask once the conversation ends. The customer gets impatient.
Customer: “Aren’t you going to ask?”
Me: “I’m sorry, but I have to wait. They’re talking at the moment.”
The customer waits all of five seconds.
Customer: “Ugh, forget it! You’re clearly useless.”
He stormed off just as the conversation ended and I was able to ask.
My mom, my girlfriend, and I are heading out on a camping trip, and we stop by the store on the way. We need some last-minute food, mainly cereal for me and my girlfriend since Mom didn’t know what to get for us. Since we don’t live together, we are equally as ignorant about each other’s preferences, and we spend a while deciding.
Girlfriend: “What about Rice Krispies?”
Me: “No, I don’t find them filling. Raisin Bran?”
Girlfriend: “No, too boring. How about Honey Nut Cheerios?”
Me: “Okay, but I only like the no-name brand.”
Girlfriend: “But I only like the name-brand!”
I shrug helplessly.
Girlfriend: “There are corn flakes…”
Me: “Yes! Corn flakes! Let’s get that!”
Girlfriend: “Well, maybe there’s something else.”
We spend another few minutes debating over various cereals before deciding to each get our own small box, only big enough for three bowls each, perfect for a three-night camping trip. She gets some kind of granola and I get corn flakes. We get to our campsite, set up, fully enjoy ourselves, and go to sleep, and the next morning we all break out our individual cereals.
Girlfriend: “Oh, this is bad. Can I have your cereal, instead?”
Me: “No! I wanted corn flakes; I got corn flakes! If you wanted corn flakes, you should have gotten corn flakes!”
Girlfriend: “I thought you only said you liked corn flakes because I said I liked corn flakes. I didn’t want you to get something you didn’t like!”
Me: “No, I said I liked corn flakes because I like corn flakes. And there’s only enough for me, so you can’t have them!”
She made do and we enjoyed the weekend. She did eventually enjoy the granola when I thought its fruitiness would be a better base for a cheesecake than graham crackers and fed it to her on her birthday a couple of weeks later.
(I’m buying a gift card for a popular online retailer at a local grocery store along with some basic foodstuffs. The cashier does the brief “These cards are used for scams, etc.” explainer, and then this occurs when I try to pay.)
Cashier: “And how are you paying?”
Me: “Debit, please.”
Cashier: “Okay, go ahead, but you can’t tap your card, because of the gift card.”
Me: “Okay, fine.”
(I wait for the machine to prompt for my card.)
Cashier: “You can’t tap, because of the gift card. You have to insert your card.”
Me: “Yeah, I got it.”
(I continue to wait for the machine prompt.)
Cashier: “Sir, you can’t tap; you have to insert the card, because you’re—”
Me: *cracking* “Lady, do you see the name and logo on my coat? [Company] Payment Systems. The company who builds and programs the card readers here. I know the process; I’m waiting for you to finally push the option for debit so I can put my card in like the machine will prompt me to!”
(The cashier finally selected debit. I get that customers don’t always listen to directions, but don’t sit there doing nothing because you don’t think they heard or understood you.)
I am a bagger at an organic grocery store where you receive five cents off your bill for every reusable bag you bring in to use. A man and his wife have just walked up with two reusables in their cart which I take out and load with groceries; I only needed to use one.
Cashier: “How many bags?”
Me: “One.”
Customer: “Two.”
Me: “I used one.”
Customer: “Two.”
Me: “I only used one bag to pack your groceries.”
Cashier: “How many bags?”
Customer: “Two.”
Me: “No, I only used one. The cashier is asking how many bags I used so she can calculate your bag refund.”
Customer: “I have two bags.”
Me: “I only used one.”
Cashier: “So, one bag?”
Me: “Yes.”
Customer: “But I have two bags!”
