An Idiot At Hand Is Worth Two In The Bush

, , , | Right | August 20, 2009

(Note: GPS systems in the area around our hotel rarely work.)

Caller: “I’m lost. How do I get to you?”

Me: “Where are you?”

Caller: “I don’t know! I’m lost!”

Me: “What are you near?”

Caller: “Bushes.”

Me: “You’re going to have to be more precise. I can’t tell where you are just by your description.”

Caller: “They’re small bushes!”

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GPS Needs Some Maine-tenance

, , , | Right | August 19, 2009

Me: “Okay, which sandwiches off the menu would you like?”

Customer: “I want olives.”

Me: “Yes, but what kind of meat, sauce, cheese? We have our recipes up there for you.”

Customer: “Look, all I want is olives. And sauerkraut.”

Me: “I don’t have any sauerkraut for you, sir.”

Customer: “They have sauerkraut at other places! Like in Maine!”

Me: “But not here. I’m sorry. And we are not in Maine.”

Customer: *deadly serious and worried* “We’re not?”

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Misunderstanding The Great Melting Pot

, , , | Right | August 12, 2009

Me: “Hi, what would you like to order?”

Customer: “Can I get some breadsticks?”

Me: “I’m sorry, we don’t have breadsticks.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. Can I get… what was it called? Chow mein?”

Me: “No, I’m sorry, we don’t serve chow mein. We have something like that called yaki udon, though.”

Customer: “What? Why don’t you have chow mein?”

Me: “That is a Chinese dish and this is a Japanese restaurant.”

Customer: “They’re different?!”


This story was included in our Chinese Restaurant Roundup.

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Changing The World, Two Letters At A Time

, , , | Right | August 11, 2009

(I’m a customer at a restaurant and overhear this conversation between another customer and the waitress.)

Customer: *to waitress* “Can you tell me how long it is from here to Bah-nah-f-f?

Waitress: “I think you mean Banff, sir.”

Customer: “No, Bah-nah-f-f.”

Waitress: “There is no city or town by that name in Alberta.”

(The customer pulls out a map and points to Banff.)

Customer: “Yeah there is, right here. BAH-NAH-F-F!”

Waitress: “That’s pronounced Banff, sir.”

Customer: “Nope, it’s pronounced BAH-NA-F-F!”

Waitress: “Sir, I’ve lived in Alberta my entire life, and can assure you it’s pronounced Banff.”

Customer: “Well, that’s just stupid! When I get there, I’m changing the pronunciation.”

Waitress: “You’re gonna go to Banff and just change the pronunciation of the name?”

Customer: “Yes!”

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Betsy Ross 2.0

, , | Right | July 23, 2009

(A customer has been staring doubtfully at one of our wall maps of the United States. I witness him frowning speculatively and then counting each state slowly.)

Me: “Sir, can I help you with anything?”

Customer: “It seems your map of the U.S. is out of date. There aren’t enough states.”

Me: “Hmm. That’s odd. Let me see.”

(I examine the map, but can find nothing amiss.)

Me: “Nope, it looks perfect to me. Is there something I’m missing?”

Customer: “Yeah, there’s only fifty states on this map.”

Me: “That’s correct.”

Customer: “But there are fifty-two states. Alaska and Hawaii were fifty-one and fifty-two. They’re on the map; I just can’t figure out which ones are missing…”

Me: “…none of them are missing, sir. The United States has only fifty states. Look, we have flags too. For every state, there’s a star.”

(He proceeds to count every star on the flag. In disgust, he puts the flag away.)

Customer: “Your flags are out of date, too! I’m telling you there are fifty-two states in the USA! You need to update your merchandise and learn about your country!” *storms out*

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