Welcome To Glorious Nation Of North Americastan

, , | Right | February 5, 2009

Customer: “Do you sell any other calling cards here?”

Salesperson: “No, just the ones on that rack. Sorry.”

Customer: “I need to call the States and I don’t want to get charged for long distance! I need a card that can call from Canada to the US!”

Salesperson: “Those calling cards can call to the US.”

Customer: “But it says they only work in North America!”

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Do Not Doubt The Credibility Of The Map

, , | Right | January 30, 2009

Me: “Thank you for calling **** Travel, this is ****, how can I help you today?”

Customer: “Um, yes. You’re located in Alaska, right?”

Me: “Yes, sir.”

Customer: “Is that near Hawaii?”

Me: “No, sir. Not at all.”

Customer: “Yeah, I wanna talk to a manager. This map shows y’all are right next to each other, and I wanna know why one’s so dang hot and the other’s so dang cold.”

Me: “Sir, you’re actually reading the insets on a map of the continental United States. Alaska and Hawaii are several thousand miles apart.”

Customer: “I don’t believe you.”

Me: “I’m sorry.”

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My Hand Is Bigger Than Texas

, , , | Right | January 16, 2009

(The customer is calling to book reservations for her family at a large Orlando theme park.)

Customer: “I want a hotel room with an ocean view.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am; Orlando is located in Central Florida, and is not on the coast. Would you like me to book you a room with a view of the lake instead?”

Customer: “No! I don’t want a d***ed view of the lake. I know you can see the ocean from there! I’m looking at a map of Florida right now, and it’s obvious how narrow it gets there. The ocean is very close on both sides, so book me a d*** ocean view room!”

Me: “You might want to check your map for a scale. I’ve been to Florida many times, and Orlando at least an hour’s drive to the ocean. There is no way you can see the coast from the resort.”

Customer: “Fine! I’ll just call another travel agent who’s actually willing to help me book what I want.”

Me: “Er… ma’am, if you can find an ocean view room in Orlando I will personally pay for your vacation out of my own pocket. Good luck with that.”

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Land That I Love

, , , | Right | January 6, 2009

(I receive this call from a customer requesting web site support.)

Customer: “I want to order from you, but it says that my state is ‘Invalid’!”

Me: “What state are you putting in?”

Customer: “‘The Great State Of Texas!'”

Me: “Are you putting that whole phrase in the box?”

Customer: “Well, it ran out of room after the ‘t’ and the ‘h.'”

Me: “When you put in the state on our site, you need to use the two-letter state code set up by the United States Post Office.”

Customer: “What do you mean by that?”

Me: “The United States Post Office has a code for each state and territory of the United States. Texas would be ‘TX.'”

Customer: “WHAT?! HOW ARE THEY GOING TO KNOW TO SEND IT TO THE GREAT STATE OF TEXAS IF IT ONLY SAYS ‘TX’?! MY ORDER WOULD BE LOST!”

Me: “Actually, I’m pretty sure that the United States Post Office would know that ‘TX’ is ‘The Great State Of Texas.'”

Customer: *types it in* “Oh, look at that; it worked. Can you hold on for a second? I want to call the Postmaster of our town and confirm this.”


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I Always Travel By Rocket

, , | Right | December 31, 2008

Me: “Thank you for calling [Call Center]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “How far are you from Las Vegas?”

Me: “233 miles.”

Caller: “So that’s about what, an hour, hour and a half?”

Me: “Only if you drive about 230 miles an hour.”

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