(I am a cashier at [Fast Food Restaurant]. I’m not feeling so hot this day. I’ve been putting up with a lot of back pain for the last two weeks, so I’m not as upbeat as I normally am, but I’m still really polite with my customers. This woman and her four kids come in, and they place a huge order.)

Me: *after reading back the entire order* “Okay. For here, that’ll be $26.14.” *trying to remember to smile*

(The customer hands me $30, and as I’m counting out her change, she tells me she has a quarter.)

Me: “Oh, okay.”

(I adjust my posture, trying to negate my back pain, and hold my hand out to receive her quarter.)

Customer: “Oh, you got an attitude problem. You don’t like how I count my change.”

Me: “Ugh… I…”

Customer: “Okay. I want a refund. Kids, we’re going to [Other Restaurant].”

(I literally didn’t say anything else to her. I gave her a sideways look and got my manager. At first, my manager took the customer’s side and went to write me up. The manager left me in the office for ten minutes while she went to get the customer’s complaint. When my manager came back to the office, she apologized and told me to get back to work. Apparently, at least two customers and a coworker pleaded with my manager, and told her that I didn’t do anything wrong. I came back just in time to see the customer’s kids looking extremely confused as they walked out. This isn’t an uncommon scenario, either.)

(This exchange occurs at a popular sandwich shop as I a start my order.)

Employee: “Welcome to [Restaurant]. I’m sorry to tell you that we’re out of meatballs, bacon, and cucumbers.”

Me: “Well, that sucks. Let me guess, you’ve gotten yelled at a bunch of times by customers thinking it’s your fault.”

Employee: “Once or twice, but it’s almost closing time and we get a new delivery tomorrow, so it hasn’t been too bad.”

Me: “That’s good. What are you out of again?”

Employee: “Meatballs, bacon, and cucumbers.”

Me: “Is any of that on the Chicken, Bacon, Ranch?”

Employee: *pauses* “Uh, yeah. The bacon.”

Me: “Oh, god, I’m one of THOSE customers.”

(I ended up ordering a different sandwich, and the employee had a good laugh at how tired I was.)

Me: “Okay, sir, your total is $12.90.”

Customer: *pulls card out and waves it around in the air*

Me: “Sorry, is that credit or debit?”

Customer: *continues to wave the card around in the air*

Me: “Gift card it is.”

Me: “Hi there, order whenever you’re ready.”

Customer: “I’d like two [Children’s] meals.”

(Waits a bit.)

Me: “Okay… do you want the hamburger, cheeseburger, four-piece or six-piece nuggets, or [Specialty Sandwich]?”

Customer: “The nuggets.”

Me: “Okay, which one?”

Customer: “The smaller one.”

Me: “Okay, and would you like apple slices or gogurt?”

Customer: “Apples.”

Me: “Would you like the boy toy or girl toy?”

Customer: “Whaaaat…? Okay, this is too complicated; I’ll catch ya later, sweetie.” *drives off*

(She came back about 30 minutes later, gave it another go, and she dealt with it more constructively.)

(A national fast food chain known for its burgers recently started serving breakfast, and one local branch of this chain has decided to celebrate the announcement by placing a giant, inflatable egg on top of their store. My mom and I are sitting at a red light outside of this restaurant when we see the egg.)

Mom: “That’s a big egg.”

Me: “Yep.”

(A pause.)

Mom: “I wonder how big the cow was?”