[Coworker] thinks he is the funniest guy in the company, despite several complaints and several warnings from Human Resources about it. He has the unchangeable opinion that he “should be able to make jokes about anything” and “if you don’t like it, then you just need to lighten up.”

The problem is that he chooses deliberately sensitive subjects and he’s not even funny, just offensive. I doubt he believes the things he says; he’s just trying to be funny or liked. But it often has the opposite effect.

We are in a training session and [Coworker] won’t stop making stupid comments and cracking jokes. It gets to the point where no one can hear the trainer speak and everyone is clearly getting frustrated.

Me: “[Coworker], just shut up, okay? We are trying to listen.”

Coworker: “Oh, please. This is all obvious, anyway. Lighten up, will you?! Sheesh.”

He stops right up until the first break, so I leave it be. We come back and [Coworker] instantly makes a “joke” about white people and compares me to a slaver. It’s only me and three other learners in the room who are white.

Me: “Seriously, [Coworker]? Not okay!”

Coworker: “What? You don’t get to be offended.”

Trainer: “Everyone, please! I am trying to deliver a training session. I’m not sure what [Company] thinks about all this, but I need you to pay attention and keep talking to a minimum.”

We struggled through the rest of the day with minimal interruptions. After the session, I stayed back, thanked the trainer, and apologised for what happened.

The next day, [Coworker] wasn’t in, but he often has random holidays. After a week, I asked around. It turned out the trainer made a complaint directly to the head of HR. Being external to the company, they took it very seriously, and [Coworker] was suspended without pay.

I was asked if I wanted to make a complaint but I explained that I just wanted him to stop. They said that they would “make that happen,” and to be fair, when he did come back, the stupid jokes disappeared, and it was so much easier to get along with him.

[Employee] joined us straight from university where she was a mature student. She seemed like a really unusual match for the department. She had no previous experience and no relevant qualifications. She seemed nice if you got past her constant white noise about how great her time in university was and how it changed her and how being an older student was great — just a whole lot of information no one asked for.

But she seemed nice enough and she got on with things. I did start to notice that she was very picky with what orders she took. This isn’t an issue until one day.

Employee: “I can’t do this.”

Me: “What’s wrong?”

Employee: “This design. I just can’t handle it right now.”

I look over and it seems a simple task, all the client’s instructions are there, and it’s a pretty easy scope.

Me: “Why don’t you take five and come back to it with a clear head?”

Employee: “Yes, good idea. It’s just so… ugh.”

She goes outside and the rest of us look at each other completely confused. She is gone for fifteen minutes before she comes back in. She takes one look at the order and freaks out again.

Me: “What’s the matter?”

Employee: “This man, this misogynist wants me to design naked women.”

It’s an artistic design of a woman holding a product.

Me: “That man works here and is only relaying the client’s orders.”

Employee: “Well, you need to get him to tell the client to change it.”

Me: “We don’t do that. The client tells us what they want and we do it.”

Employee: “Well, I will quit, then!”

The room is quiet with the sound of no one caring.

Employee: “I’m going outside.”

She was gone for an hour, only to come back and not do any work. Someone else finished the design — which turned out to be a “by women for women”-type brand — but we can’t have anyone in the team just refusing to do work. She was given another week, but then she threw another fit over a request to use pastel colours and again wanted the client to change their mind.

She was gone the next day.

My first experience working retail was also my last; the customers were bad but the staff were worse. There were some good people there, but they were in the minority. Most staff didn’t care about anything and wouldn’t cross the street to help you.

I was put with [Coworker] to learn the ropes. After an hour, I was sick of him. He wouldn’t train me or even talk to me; if I asked a question he would shrug or tell me to figure it out.

We were restocking shelves. [Coworker] wouldn’t let me help because I was doing it “wrong” but wouldn’t say how to do it “right”. I think I was doing it too quickly for him and he wanted to take as long as possible.

A man acting oddly walked past us both. A moment later, he knocked the stuff from [Coworker]’s hands, grabbed the charity collection from the till, and ran for it.

Not long later:

Manager: “Did anyone get a good look at him? [Coworker], he was near you.”

[Coworker] shrugged.

Manager: “What does that mean? Did you get a look or not?”

Coworker: “I don’t know, maybe. Does it matter?”

Me: “He stole from charity. Yeah, it matters.”

Coworker: “Doesn’t affect me, though, does it?!”

Me: “I got a look at the guy. I’m happy to give the details if I can swap partners.”

Manager: “I think that’s probably fair. Come to my office.”

I gave a description, and I think they caught the guy, getting most of the money back. I lasted six more months until I moved for university.

What’s worse is I found out the charity collection was for a dementia charity, something that both of [Coworker]’s grandparents struggled with.

The company had a big BBQ picnic a few months back. Everyone bought in their own folding chairs so we could all sit in the car park together. I managed to leave two behind and forgot about them for a couple of weeks. By then, someone had taken them to the smoking shelter and they were already disgusting.

I was going to chalk it up to my own stupidity and leave them, but a while later, I bought a pressure washer and figured I may as well give cleaning them up a go.

I picked up the chairs and went to put them in my car

Coworker: “Hey! Where are you going with them?”

Me: “Oh, they’re mine from home. I left them here a while back, but I need them.”

Coworker: “But that’s my smoking chair.”

Me: “No, that’s my chair from home. Look, it even has my name on.”

It also looked nothing like any other chair in the company.

Coworker: “But that’s been in the smoking hut for months. I need that!”

He grabbed the chair.

Me: “I’m not going to ask nicely. You know it’s not yours; you can see my name is on it. Let go!”

He pulled as I did, only to slip, fall backward, and land in an oil patch from one of the trucks. I told him to stop being so childish, and if he didn’t pack it in, I’d put a complaint in. He put one in against me, anyway, which I immediately refuted, being as he was on camera the whole time.

More than that, now he had complained about seating, the company looked at the shelter and found the makeshift shanty town it had been turned into. It had cardboard flooring and tarp curtains, and someone had actually damaged the metal siding of the building so they could plug their phone in while standing outside.

The whole shelter was ripped out and replaced with a safe and legal one, making the chair thief very unpopular.

We had a bit of a party at the weekend, and come Monday evening, we were taking stock of what we had left.

My husband was in the kitchen.

Husband: “We’ve still got a bottle of wine we haven’t finished.”

Then, he looked in the fridge.

Husband: “Looks like we got some leftover sausages, too.”

Then, he burst into song.

Husband: “Christmas time, sausages and wine…”

Me: “Aargh!”