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It’s Always In The Last Place You Look… And Were

, , , , , | Right | April 10, 2020

(I work at a restaurant. It’s close to closing time and the inside bar is closing. There are still some customers outside on the terrace finishing their drinks. I’m cleaning tables when a woman approaches me.)

Customer: “I think someone took my handbag; can you check if someone handed one into the bar?”

Me: “No problem. I’ll be right back.”

(The bartenders inside say nothing has been handed in so I go back and tell this to the woman. I continue cleaning when she approaches me again five minutes later.)

Customer: *irritated* “Ahem. I found my handbag.”

Me: “That’s great!”

Customer: *still irritated* “It was exactly where I had left it, where I had been sitting earlier.”

Me: “Erm, good.”

Customer: “You didn’t look very hard, did you?”

Me: “Erm, you asked me to ask at the bar for it; I presumed you would have checked the last place you were sitting.”

(The woman stares at me smugly for about ten seconds before swinging her bag over her shoulder dramatically.)

Customer: “You should have looked harder!”

Me: *speechless*

Some EXTRA Branding Awareness

, , , , | Right | March 4, 2020

(I am working in a large grocery store packing shelves when a customer approaches me with two different brands of toilet paper in his hands.)

Customer: “Do you see these two packs of toilet roll?”

Me: “Yes?”

Customer: “Well, [Brand #1] costs 20p more than [Brand #2].”

Me: “I’m not sure of the exact prices, but I’ll take your word for it.”

Customer: “Here’s the thing. I was just over at the fruit and veg weighing scales and [Brand #2] weighs more than [Brand #1]. You get more for value for money if you buy [Brand #2]!”

(The customer is now clearly excited that he has somehow got one over on the evil corporation.)

Me: “Okay…”

Customer: *whispering* “Keep that to yourself; if the boys up above find out they’ll raise the price of [Brand #2] before you know it!”

Me: “Will do…”

This story is part of the Toilet Paper roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

10 Relatable Stories About Housework And How To Avoid It


Read the next Toilet Paper roundup story!

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Well, You’ve Been A Real Ham…

, , , | Right | February 10, 2020

(The place where I work has a canteen including a deli where you can get sandwiches made. I am queueing at the sandwich counter behind a guy who is relatively high-up in the organisation. He is in the middle of ordering a sandwich.)

High-Up Guy: “A slice of ham…”

(The chef opens a new packet of ham. There are about twenty slices and they are all identical looking.)

High-Up Guy: “Give me a lean one if you have one.”

(I start giggling at the sheer madness of this request. They all look exactly the same. The chef catches my eye and I can tell he is now trying not to laugh. My giggling becomes uncontrollable and I step out of line to recover. The chef is now openly smiling and the high-up guy looks really embarrassed as he finishes ordering. The high-up guy takes his sandwich and leaves, still looking really embarrassed. I step up to the counter.)

Me: “Oh, my God, did he expect you to look through them all?”

Chef: “Yes. Yes, he did.”

To Be Fair, He’s Too Stupid To Steal Anything

, , , , | Right | January 30, 2020

(This is something I deal with on a regular basis.)

Customer: “I cannot remember my account name or password.”

Me: “Okay, I will see what we can do for you. Can I have the phone number on the account?”

Customer: “I don’t have it.”

Me: “Okay, can I have your address?”

Customer: “I’m not sure.”

Me: *every time!* “I’m sorry, but you have not provided enough information for me to find an account.”

Customer: “This is a f****** joke, mate. I’m paying for a service that I can’t get access to; this is illegal.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t help you if you have forgotten your details.”

Customer: “I want my account back now!

Me: “I’m sorry, but I cannot find an account because you don’t have any details.”

Customer: “Fine! Well then, I will create a new account, but I want everything for my old account transferred to my new account.”

Me: “I’m sorry but this is not possible, as I need to find an account, and then I need you to pass security.”

Customer: “If you don’t give me either my account back or all my stuff on a new account, I’m bringing you to court for theft. It’s theft, not giving me my stuff back!”

Me: “I’m sorry you feel that way, but before contacting a solicitor or legal aid, I advise you to read the terms of use you agreed to; it states clearly to keep your details up to date at all times.”

Customer: “Well, f*** you. You’re f****** disgraceful! All I want is my account back.”

Me: “Thank you for calling [Call Center].” *then I say in the friendliest, most upbeat and cheerful voice I can* “Have a wonderful day!”

The Woman From Auntie

, , , , , | Related | December 29, 2019

(I am holding my new nephew and talking to my sister — not the baby’s mother.)

Me: *cuddling baby* “Isn’t it nice to finally be an auntie?”

Sister: “I’ve been an auntie for five years.”

Me: “Who?”

Sister: “Your kids!”

Me: “Oh, yeah, I forgot you were their auntie.”