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How To Cut Through The Complaints

, , , | Right | November 9, 2022

Caller: “I just got a pizza from you and I need to complain; you didn’t cut the pizza all the way! What are you going to offer me for compensation?”

Manager: “We’ll send someone out straight away, ma’am.”

She was not happy when I turned up with just a pizza cutter!

Pause That Pamplemousse Posthaste!

, , , , , , , | Right | November 3, 2022

I work for a major pizza company as a delivery driver. The pizza company owns the cars, they own the insurance on the cars, and there are certain procedures that must be followed when an accident occurs, no matter how minor.

One day, I’m out delivering pizzas. Traffic gets bad, and I’m forced to stop. The Pamplemousse behind me stops way too close to my car. I signal to change lanes. The Pamplemousse behind me changes lanes and stomps on his gas, clipping my car.

It’s not a lot of damage, but there is now a dent on my company car, so I must follow procedure. First, I call dispatch and let them know. Then, I call the police. The police decline to report to the scene, and 911 lets me know that it’s okay for me to leave the scene.

I return to the pizza place. They’ve already started remaking the pizzas that I had taken out for delivery. I “dock” my car to the relevant Bluetooth connection and upload the videos between the relevant timestamps from the cameras. By the time the videos are done uploading, the pizzas have been remade.

I drive back out to deliver the pizzas, hot and steaming fresh. When I get to the first customer’s house, I notice something odd. His car is a bit dinged up, and it looks fresh.

I knock on the door, and a somewhat cranky-looking man answers.

Man: “I sped all the way home. I even got into a traffic accident to get here in time, and you arrive late!”

This was my Pamplemousse from earlier.

Me: “I’d be happy to take down your complaint.”

I felt a sort of smug sense of satisfaction as I walked him through reporting his complaint on the official corporate recorded line.

As far as I’m aware, the company’s insurance company got their money from his insurance company. Probably. They certainly didn’t take any of the damages out of my paycheck, and that’s what’s important.

I still see pizza deliveries occasionally pop up going to his address, but I have not yet had the personal pleasure of taking one to him and seeing how he’s doing.

This Is Why You Think Before You Buy

, , , , , | Right | CREDIT: TylPlas26 | November 2, 2022

My old coworkers used to deliver furniture, and they told me this really annoying tale.

A woman had apparently bought a couch and asked for it to be delivered. Unfortunately, this customer did zero measuring to make sure it would fit through her doorways. When my coworkers got there, they discovered it was going into a large mobile home — the kind that look more like regular houses.

They struggled for over an hour to carefully squeeze the couch through the narrow doors and hallways until they finally got it into her living room.

As they were setting it up, the customer suddenly asked:

Customer: “What’s your return policy?”

They were hoping this wasn’t going where they thought, so they asked her why.

Customer: “Now that it’s in my living room, I don’t really like how the colour looks in here.”

They were livid.

Coworker: “We just spent over an hour trying to get this couch into your home. You’ll have to take the matter up with the associate who sold you the couch at the store.”

My coworkers phoned the store, gave the associate the heads up, and let them know how much they had struggled to get the couch in.

Then, it came time for the customer to talk. She explained why she wanted to return it.

Associate: “You can return it, but given how hard it was for the guys to get the couch in and the inconvenience it caused, you’ll be looking at a refund that’s around [a quarter of the couch’s cost].”

The customer changed her mind on it and decided to try and live with the colour.

One Person’s Error Is Another’s Free Groceries

, , , , , | Working | October 3, 2022

I placed an online grocery delivery order with one of Australia’s largest supermarkets. I realised the morning of the delivery (after the cutoff to change things) that the payment information on the order was wrong — my fault. The order had not yet been shopped, so they hadn’t attempted to charge the card.

I called customer care and explained the situation to them. They told me I couldn’t make changes after the cutoff. I had to admit defeat. I knew the order would be cancelled if the card couldn’t be charged, and sure enough, around midday, I got the email telling me that the order was cancelled.

But mid-afternoon, the order was delivered.

Me: *To the delivery driver* “I got an email that this order was cancelled because the payment information was wrong.”

Driver: *Shrugging* “Call customer care.”

I spent the entire afternoon calling customer care and the store that filled the order.

Customer Care: “Because the order was cancelled, the system doesn’t give us the option to let you pay now.”

Eventually, the lady told me:

Customer Care: “We’ll have the store investigate how your order was delivered without payment, and we’ll let you know.”

Around three weeks later, I finally got an email from the customer service team.

Manager: “Dear [My Name], thank you for contacting us regarding your recent [Store] order.

“I am writing to you in regards to your query about your cancelled order. Once an order is cancelled, it cannot be reinstated. It is entirely the store’s error that they have delivered a cancelled order. Unfortunately, we cannot take payment for that order, but we certainly appreciate the sentiment.

“In the rare cases that this happens, the customer is entitled to keep the order as we advise that we cannot take it back due to health and safety concerns. If you have any further queries, please do not hesitate to call us at [phone number].

“Once again, [My Name], my sincere apologies for being unable to meet our goal and provide you with a convenient service.

“Yours Sincerely, [Manager].”

Life As A Delivery Guy In Konohagakure

, , , , , , , | Right | CREDIT: beleth____ | October 1, 2022

There I was, a pizza guy in my twenties, making my runs while contemplating just how worthwhile it was to throw my life away for minimum wage, having thoroughly had it with the world as a whole, and in the sort of mood where I would gladly fistfight God himself over the slightest inconvenience.

It was all business as usual. I arrived at the house. I got out of the car, went up to the door, and rang the bell. It was all so pathetically normal. And I was wholly unprepared for what was to happen next.

The door flew open. Behind it stood a child, no more than eight years old if I were to guess. But this boy was far from innocent. His hands moved in a flash, executing signs in rapid sequence. His eyes burned bright with fighting spirit. His shrill voice cried out:


I was devastated. A lowly genin like me could never withstand such a flawlessly executed Katon no Jutsu — not without extensive training and chakra cultivation. From that single attack, with a cry of pain, I fell to my knees, defeated. The superior ninja eagerly took his plunder and vanished without a trace.

But before I could leave, he returned, in his hand an offering of money. His clan leaders had already paid his debts, but it seemed he hadn’t been informed, so I told him:

Me: “The Uchiha clan already took care of it.”

With a smile as bright as the rising sun, he threw down a smoke bomb and disappeared to start his next mission. And with that, I withdrew, wondering how I would ever recover from such a crippling defeat.