A client hired me to redesign their business cards after they got a new corporate identity. I asked them to email me their logo in AI or EPS format. They sent me a low-resolution JPG with a watermark symbol on it.

I did a mock-up of a card using the low-res logo as a placeholder and let them know that once I received their vector logo, I could just insert it into the design.

Client: “Yeah, you’re just going to have to go ahead and use what we supplied.”

Me: “Are you sure you don’t have an AI or EPS file of the logo kicking around?”

Client: “Our old designer won’t release the vector files until we pay them, so we’re just not going to pay.”

I fired the client.

Two months later, I saw the owner at a networking function. He handed me his card, which was my design. They’d had the cards printed from the proof I originally sent — which included the low-resolution JPG logo with a giant watermark over it.

A client was referred to me to have her hardware product repackaged. Somebody was assembling these things in his garage, and frankly, they didn’t look very professionally made. 

Me: “Okay, I’ll quote 100 hours at [rate] to redo this from the ground up. It’ll be in a more attractive, more durable case, and most importantly, you’ll be able to get it manufactured in bulk quantities instead of the way you’re doing it now.”

Client: “That sounds fine, but I can’t afford your quote.”

Me: “I understand. It’s tough to scale up a small business. So, I’ll tell you what: if you let me build the first 500 units, I’ll build an extra margin into the manufacturing quote to recover my design and engineering expenses. You won’t be out any money upfront, and I’ll recover my fee as your customers pay you.”

Client: “Okay, sounds great!”

Six months or so later, I’ve built about 100 units and momentum is building. I’m hopeful that [Client] might be able to sell the additional 400 I need to break even within the next six months.

Client: “We’ve looked at the numbers, and we’ve decided that your price is too high for these. We can get them made by [Designer] for [just about exactly my fee margin less].”

Me: “Yes, our agreement was that they would be more expensive so that I could recover my design fee.”

Client: “Yeah, but we can get them made cheaper since you did the redesign. So that’s what we’re going to do.”

Client: “On the map, can we make Virginia bigger?”

Me: “You mean zoom the map in so you can see Virginia more clearly?”

Client: “No, just make Virginia bigger and leave the map the same scale.”

Me: “I’m not sure it’ll fit then.”

Client: “Trust me, it can. I have a bit of experience fitting my girth into tight spaces.”

The client was making light of his weight.

I’m checking in on a client after designing (beautifully letter-pressed, expensive) business cards, among other things, for their restaurant.

Me: “How’s everything going?”

Client: “Not great. We can’t use our business cards! They’re all wrong.”

Me: “What’s the problem with them?”

Client: “The email address and the web address are totally wrong. No one will be able to reach us, so we boxed them all back up and put them in the back.”

I ask to see the cards, and I inspect them.

Me: “They look fine; all of the information is correct. What’s the problem?”

Client: “All of the information is in caps, but when you go online, email addresses and website URLs are lowercase. They won’t work.”

I work at a sound studio, and we do recording sessions for clients making ad jingles, announcements, and voiceover work among other things.

A client is with me in the studio while the voiceover actor is in the recording booth. The voiceover actor works with us often and was chosen by the client based on their online portfolio (with samples of their work). This voiceover actor is also African American.

Client: “Hmm, I don’t know. Make them sound blacker.”

Me: “I really need you to make me know what you mean by that.”

Client: “Just… make them sound blacker.”

I pushed the studio mic toward the client:

Me: “You tell him that.”

Suddenly the client was very happy with the recording!