I’m checking in on a client after designing (beautifully letter-pressed, expensive) business cards, among other things, for their restaurant.

Me: “How’s everything going?”

Client: “Not great. We can’t use our business cards! They’re all wrong.”

Me: “What’s the problem with them?”

Client: “The email address and the web address are totally wrong. No one will be able to reach us, so we boxed them all back up and put them in the back.”

I ask to see the cards, and I inspect them.

Me: “They look fine; all of the information is correct. What’s the problem?”

Client: “All of the information is in caps, but when you go online, email addresses and website URLs are lowercase. They won’t work.”

I work at a sound studio, and we do recording sessions for clients making ad jingles, announcements, and voiceover work among other things.

A client is with me in the studio while the voiceover actor is in the recording booth. The voiceover actor works with us often and was chosen by the client based on their online portfolio (with samples of their work). This voiceover actor is also African American.

Client: “Hmm, I don’t know. Make them sound blacker.”

Me: “I really need you to make me know what you mean by that.”

Client: “Just… make them sound blacker.”

I pushed the studio mic toward the client:

Me: “You tell him that.”

Suddenly the client was very happy with the recording!

A client has sent us a brief for shooting a brand awareness video. Their requirements seem ambitious, but not impossible, and we get back to them with a quote.

Client: “What! Why is it so much money?!”

Me: “Well, we’ve provided a breakdown of the costs in the document, but most of that will be the camera equipment and the on-location shooting.”

Client: “Apple say you can shoot feature-film quality shots on their iPhones! Use iPhones for the video. That means you can take all that camera equipment costs off.”

Ugh. I hate those Apple ads for exactly this reason.

Me: “What you’re asking for is not possible on an iPhone.”

Client: “Fine, use an iPhone Pro Max, then.”

It didn’t work out…

We were contracted to develop a website. Everything — from concepts, to backgrounds, to scripts — had to be presented and approved directly by the client so we could move forward. Also, payment had been demanded to be done only after the site’s delivery.

After constant and multiple changes and three months of work — and a month overdue on payment — I email the client. He asks for a meeting.

Client: “Hi! So, the site is okay but not that great, you know? We didn’t really like it. Maybe you could meet me halfway and give me 50% off the price?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but you accepted and rejected every little change, and you said you liked the end product at our last meeting.”

Client: “Well, you know… sometimes a person says they liked something but they don’t. You should have more empathy!”

Client: “I need a logo, website, business cards, flyers, a huge poster for advertisement, and some designs for a cup.”

Me: “Okay. I’ll need to learn a bit more about your company. Do you have any copy, or—”

Client: “I don’t have time to write. You write something.”

Me: “But I don’t know anything about you.”

Client: “Never mind. You’ll think of something.”

Me: “Anything else?”

Client: “Oh, yes. Don’t be expensive, please.”

I hung up.