(Note: The public computers in our office have been down and I’m in the process of repairing and cleaning them. As such, I’ve taped “Do Not Use” signs on the computer monitors. A client walks in, sits at the desk, pulls the sign off the monitor, and proceeds to try and use the mouse and keyboard.)

Client: “Why isn’t this working?! I need to check my email!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but the computers aren’t working right now. I’m fixing them now. They should be up by this afternoon.”

Client: “I need to check my email right now! I demand you make them work!”

Me: “Sir, I’m sorry, but you can’t use the computer right now.”

Client: “And WHY NOT?!”

(I point to the computer tower on my work desk that’s currently in pieces.)

Me: “This is the computer, sir.”

Client: “So? I shouldn’t need that thing to make it work! All the important parts are still right here!”

(The “important parts” he’s referring to? The monitor and keyboard.)

(The company I work for is in the business of hosting websites. I receive a call from a customer who is having trouble logging into his control panel.)

Customer: “I can’t login to my website.”

Me: “What’s your domain name?”

Customer: “[username]@yahoo.com.”

Me: “That sounds like an email address to me, not a domain.”

Customer: “That’s my dominion.”

Me: “Your domain name should be something like www.[sitename].com.”

Customer: “Right, it’s [username]@yahoo.com.”

Me: “Sir, that’s not a domain name.”

Customer: “Yes, that’s my dominion!”

(I am trying to help a customer retrieve a lost page on his website.)

Customer: “So, why was my page lost in the first place?”

Me: “Well, I’m not sure, sir. What were you doing before you lost the page?”

Customer: “I was editing it.”

Me: “Okay, what part did you edit?”

Customer: “Well, I edited the heading, and I noticed the page was blank when I was scrolling down.

Me: “So, why did you click save?”

Customer: “Well, I thought it would just pop back up.”

Me: “No, sir. You just saved a blank page over what you had, and erased everything.”

Customer: “Well, you guys should put that in big bold letters at the top of the page. ‘Don’t save page if main area is blank!’.”

Me: “Good afternoon, [Software Company] Tech Support. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I have a complaint about your software. My employees keep exiting the files without saving. I need you to fix that problem with your software.”

Me: “Sir, when you pick to exit the application, it asks you if you are sure you want to exit without saving.”

Customer: “I know. I think they are just hitting enter at the question.”

Me: “Sir, the default is no.”

Customer: “Well, they must be answering yes.”

Me: “I’m not sure how we can change the software to make it easier for your employees to understand.”

Customer: “Can you add a second box after the first box, asking if they are really sure they want to lose what they just entered?”

Me: “I can put that request in, sir. But I doubt that development will change the software.”

Customer: “Why not?! It’s a bug in your software! I want it fixed!”