(My company switched their ordering system this year to large shipments every other month instead of regular shipments every month. Because of this, we can sometimes run out of popular candy in the last week or so before the shipment comes in.)

Customer: “What?! You’re out of [Popular Candy #1] and [Popular Candy #2]?! I’ve got to talk to a manager! Are you the manager?”

Me: *shrugging* “I’m the associate manager.”

Customer: “Well, now we’ve got to fight.”

Me: “Okay. Put ’em up!”

(I start “threatening” the customer by waving my fists at her cartoonishly. She laughs, but then accidentally knocks over a box of lollipops, spilling them on the floor.)

Me: “Oh, now we’ve really got to fight!”

(We didn’t fight, but she did buy a couple of lollipops.)

Customer: “Where are your bags?”

Me: “Middle shelf, next to the boxes.”

(The customer reaches for the top shelf of boxes.)

Me: “MIDDLE shelf, next to the boxes.”

(The customer moves their hand to the middle shelf of boxes.)

Me: “NEXT TO the boxes.”

(The customer moves their hand to the bottom shelf of boxes.)

Me: “MIDDLE shelf, NEXT TO the boxes.”

(The customer moves their hand back to the middle shelf of boxes, then hovers it the opposite direction of the bags.)

Me: “Other direction.”

(The customer turns and walks away from the boxes and bags entirely.)

Me: “Let me just grab one for you.”

(There are days when I have to go through this with multiple customers. And then there’s days where I’ll point at the bags on one shelf and the customer will successfully retrieve one from a different shelf.)

(A group of three teens — a boy and two girls — come into the store. The girls are singing, much to the boy’s annoyance.)

Girls: *singing* “Hiiighway to the danger zone!”

Boy: “No! Stop it!”

Girls & Me: *singing* “Riiide into the danger zooone!”

Girl #1: “See?! She gets it!”

(The boy makes frustrated noises as they browse the store.)

Me: *stage whisper* “Lana! Lanaaa… Danger zone!”

Girl #2: *pointing at me* “I like this one. This one’s cool.”

(A woman comes into the store with her very curious young daughter, maybe two or three years old. She’s asking what different things are.)

Daughter: “Wah dii?”

Mother: “[Candy #1].”

Daughter: “Wah dah?”

Mother: “[Candy #2]”

Daughter: “Wah dah?”

Mother: “[Candy #3]”

Daughter: “Oh! [Candy #3]! Well! I do not like [Candy #3]!” *pause* “Wah dii?”

(She must have been imitating someone, but to hear a toddler abruptly start enunciating clearly and then go back to baby talk was quite amusing.)

(This is from when I worked at a chocolate shop. Our busiest holiday is Easter; we stay open extra hours every year to sell hundreds of chocolate eggs and bunnies. The shop is in a mall, and mall hours on Saturdays are from 10:00 am to 6:00 pm. There are restaurants, bars, and a few shops that stay open later, but most shops close at 6:00 pm. On the Saturday before Easter, we are too busy to close at 6:00 pm. Finally, we serve our last customer at around 7:00 pm. We close the doors and start our massive clean-up and close-out. At 7:15 — an hour and a quarter after closing time — a woman bangs on the door. Because I’m standing right there and the doors are not sound-proof, I turn to talk to her.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but we’re closed.”

Woman: “I just want to buy one of those candy apples! They’re right there behind you.”

Me: “I can’t sell you anything right now. We actually closed at 6:00 pm.”

Woman: “But they’re right there, behind you! I just want to buy one.”

Me: “I can’t ring in any purchases. We’re closed, and we’ve cashed out the registers.”

Woman: “How hard can it be to ring in ONE candy apple?”

Me: “We’d have to open the till again, then cash it out after the purchase. It would take almost 30 minutes. We closed at six, it’s been a really busy day, and we want to get home.”

Woman: “Let me give you a little advice. This is NOT how you run a business. You need to respect the customer. You are being so inconsiderate. I bet you’re out of business within the month!”

(It’s worth noting that selling one candy apple would have cost the store money, since they would have had to pay me for an extra half hour of work for a $3 purchase. Also, this happened 15 years ago. The store is still open, and it’s a very successful business!)

This story is part of our Easter 2024 roundup!

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