Customer: “How much is this bag?”

Me: “That bag is actually part of a deal: if you purchase twenty dollars worth of product you can get the bag for an additional ten dollars.”

Customer: “That’s not what I asked. How much is the bag?”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. The price of the bag itself is forty dollars.”

Customer: “So why’d you tell me all of that other garbage?”

Me: “I was just telling you the deal we had going on with the bag. If you spend twenty dollars, you can get the bag for ten dollars.

(I glance at her shopping bag and notice other items.)

Me: “… and it looks like, with those lotions, you’ll be spending around eighteen dollars, so if you spent another two dollars, you could get the deal.”

Customer: “Why can’t I just buy the bag?”

Me: “You can buy the bag. It’s just a better deal the other way. You’re already close to spending twenty dollars with those two lotions, so if you reached twenty, you’d get the bag for ten.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous. Any time I come into this store, you people always try to get me to buy more of your junk than I want.”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m not trying to push you to buy anything… You’d just be saving a lot of money. Spending around thirty dollars and getting more items, rather than spending around sixty and getting fewer items.”

Customer: “Well, I don’t care. If I wanted to buy something else, I’d have put in in my shopping bag. This is all I want, so don’t go trying to get me to buy anything else. I’m ready to check out.”

Me: “Okay, then. I can ring you out.”

(We both proceed to the cash register, where she purchases the two lotions and the tote bag.)

Me: “Alright, that’s going to come to $61.77 after tax.”

(The woman goes to swipe her card when her daughter comes up to the register, adding a $6 lip gloss to her purchase. The woman nods, and I ring it through as well.)

Me: “And the new total is going to be $36.21.”

Customer: “Why did the price go down so much?!”

Me: “…Seriously?”

This story is part of the Customers-Are-Their-Own-Worst-Enemy roundup!

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(This incident happened right before we closed on Christmas Eve. A woman has purchased a shirt and a pair of pants. I ring her purchase and tell her the total.)

Me: “That’ll be $39.98.”

Customer: “WHAT? No, no, no. That’s not right. No. How much was the shirt?”

Me: “$12.99. The pants were $26.99.”

Customer: “NO, THEY WEREN’T! They were $12.99, just like the pants! I got them from right over THERE!” *violently stabs her finger in the direction of the rack*

Me: *sighs* “Okay, hold on one second, ma’am… I’ll check.

Customer: *to coworker* “I’m about to put this b**** on blast, you watch.”

(I read the sign and confirm that the shirts on one side of the rack are $12.99, but the pants on the other are $26.99. This is also written out on the sale sign.)

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but the sign says right here that the pants are $26.99.”

Customer: “What?! Well how was I supposed to know that? I saw $12.99 so I thought $12.99! I don’t read letters, I only read numbers!”

Me: “Well… our signs have both letters and numbers, and you have to read both to understand the sale.”

Customer: “No way am I paying $26.99 for these pants! Change it!”

Me: “It’s not our error, ma’am. The sign is correctly written and posted on the correct rack, even in the correct position. There’s nothing I can do.”

Customer: *slapping counter* “FINE. There’s no reason why I should have to read signs! I only read numbers, not letters!”

This story is part of the Christmas Eve roundup!

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(I work at customer service and this lady could not return a lamp because it was past our 90-day return policy.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, the transaction for the lamp does not show up on your credit card. Has it been more than 90 days?”

Customer: “No, I don’t think so! Try it again.”

(I try two more times and sure enough, the same thing happens.)

Me: “Ma’am, if you bought the lamp more than 90 days ago, it does not show up in our system anymore. We can do a store credit return if you would like, but you would get the lowest price which is about $3 less.”

Customer: “Fine. It was 92 days ago! Now can I return it?”

Me: “I cannot do that. That purchase is not in our system anymore and the computer will only allow me to give you store credit at that price.”

(A long argument ensues and I tell her the same things.)

Customer: “Well, you know what? I’m going to buy this lamp again and then use THAT receipt to return it!”

Me: “Why would you want to do that? You would technically own two and then you’re returning one. It makes no difference.”

Customer: “Then I’ll buy a NEW one and use that receipt to return my broken one!”

Me: “I cannot allow you to do that. I am the supervisor and would have to report that sort of potential activity to our store security and managers.”

Customer: “How did you know what I’m going to do?!”

Me: “…um, because you just told me?”

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Me: “Just this scarf for you today?”

Customer: “Yes — and could you please cut the tag off? I’m planning to wear it straight out of the store.”

Me: “No problem.”

(After the transaction is completed…)

Me: “Have a nice day!”

Customer: “Um, can I have a bag, please?”

Me: “Err… I thought you wanted to wear your scarf out of the store?”

Customer: “Well, yes, but I still need a bag. Where else would I put my receipt?” *stuffs her large wallet into her purse*

Customer: “Do you sell any other calling cards here?”

Salesperson: “No, just the ones on that rack. Sorry.”

Customer: “I need to call the States and I don’t want to get charged for long-distance! I need a card that can call from Canada to the US!”

Salesperson: “Those calling cards can call to the US.”

Customer: “But it says they only work in North America!”

This story is part of our 3rd Terrible At Geography roundup!

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