(At the cafe where I work, the food line is right behind the register. Customers can see the employees take their food out of the toaster and finish preparing it.)

Customer: *runs up to counter* “I forgot to say if there’s tomato on that I don’t want it!”

Me: “Tomato does come on that sandwich but I’ll tell him to leave it off.” *turning to my foodline worker, who just pulled the sandwich from the toaster* “[Coworker], she doesn’t want the tomato on that!”

Coworker: “Gotcha!”

Customer: *shooting a look of disgust from [Coworker] to me* “Nuh-uh! NUH-UH! Nobody talks over my food! I want a refund! Y’all nasty!”

(I am bagging for one of the cashiers. One lady comes up with a bag of two kinds of grapes. Due to policy, the cashiers have to weigh them separately, even if they cost the same. My coworker carefully pulls out one of the sets of grapes and sets it on a paper towel so she can weigh it.)

Customer: “What are you doing?!”

Coworker: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we have to weigh the grapes separately.”

Customer: “I want new grapes! You touched them!”

Coworker: *looks really confused at this point* “Ma’am—”

Customer: “You know what? Never mind!”

(The transaction gets finished, the customer leaves, and both of us are dead confused.)

Me: “What the heck was that about?”

Coworker: “I have no idea, but it seems like she doesn’t know you’re supposed to wash grapes… or how many people stick their hands in those bags.”

(I work at a very well-known pet store that sells live animals. A few months into working there a visibly concerned elderly gentlemen comes up to me.)

Elderly Man: “Excuse me, miss, I believe one of your hamsters is… giving birth.”

(I know this is very unlikely considering males and females are housed separately, but mistakes are occasionally made. I go over to where the alleged pregnant hamster is.)

Me: “Um… sir, these are male hamsters, it’s impossible for any of them to be giving birth, and there aren’t any babies in the tank.”

Elderly Man: “But what’s coming out of that one’s butt?”

Me: “…those are his testicles, sir.”

Elderly Man: *visibly embarrassed considering he was with his wife and grandchildren* “Well, thank you for checking out the situation for us.”

(I haven’t seen them in the store since.)

(I answer the phone.)

Me: “Marketing department. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

(The caller doesn’t speak, but I can hear noise in the background.)

Me: “Hello, this is [My Name].”

(I can still hear background noise.)

Me: “Hello? Anyone there?”

Caller: “Oh, yeah, I just wasn’t ready to talk yet.”

Me: *thinking* “Then why did you call?”

Related:
Calling Is Not Their Calling, Part 2
Calling Is Not Their Calling

(I’m heading into the grocery story where there are two sets of sliding doors with the carts located in the middle. As I walk through the first doors I notice a cart parked blocking the interior doors. Inside the cart are tools and a tool box. Just inside the doors, a man is setting up a ladder and checking the automatic door sensor. I move to the side, get a cart, and wipe down the handle with the provided anti-bacterial wipes. By the time I finish this, the man has removed the ladder and is moving the cart away from the door.)

Me: “Can I enter through this door now?”

Maintenance Man: “Yes, ma’am, I’ve just finished my work.”

Me: “Thank you!”

Maintenance Man: “I don’t mean to take up your time, but I wanted to tell you that I’ve been here for an hour and you’re the first person to ask me if it’s okay to use this door.”

Me: *incredulously* “Really?!”

Maintenance Man: “I’ve had people push past me to get in and one woman even cussed at me when I told her she needed to use the other door.”

(He points to the “exit” door which is literally ten feet away.)

Me: “Well, thank you very much for fixing the door!”

(I left to do my shopping, wondering why people can’t just be nice!)