(I work at a popular chain grocery store as a bagger. Most people that come in are fine with plastic bags, or they bring their own, but some people request paper. On this day, a customer comes up and immediately requests paper, to which I oblige. Due to the size of a cereal box that comes through, which is one of the larger ones, I have to put it in sideways, leaving half the bag for the chips, but it’s narrow. I start trying to get the chips in, without squishing them. The customer stares at me while I do this.)

Customer: *mockingly* “Is it really that hard to put chips in a bag?”

Me: “Well, sir, I’m trying to make sure they don’t get squished.”

Customer: “It’s not that hard.”

(By this point I’ve gotten them in, with very little squish-age. He then quickly grabs it and walks away, glaring at me as he goes. My coworker, who was checking, looks at me after he leaves.)

Coworker: “You have to seriously be bored to come into a store just to antagonize a bagger.”

As my grandfather, Bill, had just passed three days earlier, my sister, her husband and I pack in a car for a six-hour drive.

I’m listening to my music and my sister waves to get my attention. She and her husband were talking and her husband had said that my grandmother and all of us should watch Kill Bill.

Took him a second before he realized what he said.

(I work at a relatively well-known chain restaurant. My friend — who is Hispanic but speaks fluent English — is the hostess for the night. At this job, the hostesses also take the to-go orders, fix the side stuff for the to-go orders, make sure the orders come out correctly, and check the customers out. Basically, they take care of any to-go order transactions from start to finish. The phone rings and my friend answers it, and I can tell she is taking a to go-order. I hear her repeat herself several times until she gives me a befuddled look, and I go up front to try to see if I can help. I then take the phone from her to see if I can have more luck.)

Me: “Yes, sir, this is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I was trying to order a salad, but I couldn’t understand that little Mexican girl.”

(I’m a bit confounded, as she hardly has an accent at all, and it’s pretty offensive to refer to her as “little” or “Mexican.”)

Me: *still trying to be polite* “I’m sorry about that, sir. What can I get for you?”

Customer: “I would like your large house salad, with fried chicken added, with [dressing].”

Me: “Okay, one fried chicken salad with dressing. Would you like anything else?”

Customer: “No! That’s not what I said! I want your large house salad, with fried chicken added!”

Me: “Yes, sir, that is a fried chicken salad.”

Customer: “No! I don’t want that. What is so hard to understand?! I want a salad with lettuce, cheese, tomatoes, croutons, and onions, and I want fried chicken added to it.”

Me: “Yes, sir, that’s what the fried chicken salad is.”

Customer: “But I don’t want a fried chicken salad! I want the large house salad with fried chicken added!”

Me: “Okay, sir. So, that’s one large house salad with fried chicken added with [dressing]. Will that be all for you?”

Customer: *being very rude* “Yes! FINALLY. Thank you!”

(I then ring the order into the computer as a fried chicken salad, as that’s what it is. My friend and I are laughing for a minute at the insanity of it when the phone rings again. I am closer so I go to answer it.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Restaurant]. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, I called a large salad in, with fried chicken added, about five minutes ago.”

Me: “Yes, sir, and what can I do for you?”

Customer: “Cancel my order. I’ve just been in a wreck.” *click*

(My coworker and I sat baffled the rest of the night by the fact that immediately after a collision, his biggest concern was to call and cancel his salad.)

(I work at a small coffee bar. I usually keep the cream in the fridge behind the counter to save on waste. Every time someone orders a drink that doesn’t come with milk, I ask if they want room for cream.)

Me: “Hi! What can I get for you?”

Customer #1: “Small black coffee, please.”

Me: “Do you want room for cream in that?”

Customer #1: “No, thanks.”

(Another customer comes up to the counter. They seemingly know each other.)

Me: *to [Customer #1]* “How are you paying?”

Customer #2: “I got it.”

Me: “All right. Can I get you anything, ma’am?”

Customer #2: “A small latte, please.”

(She pays for both drinks and I go fill the first cup with coffee, almost full because he said no room.)

Me: “Here’s a small coffee.”

([Customer #2] takes the cup, and I start making the latte.)

Customer #2: “Excuse me? Can you pour a little bit of this out?”

Me: “Sure.”

(I dump some of the coffee out, thinking maybe [Customer #1] wants to put sugar or something in the coffee. I hand the cup back and start making the other drink again.)

Customer #1: “Can I get some cream, please?”

Me: “…?”

Me: “Thank you for calling [Movie Theatre], the best seat in town. This is [My Name] speaking; how can I help you?”

Caller: “Do you have hot dogs?”

Me: “Yes, sir, we do!”

Caller: “Do you have hamburgers?”

Me: “No, sir, I’m sorry.”

Caller: “Will you let me bring a hamburger in?”

Me: “No, sir, we can’t allow outside food or drink in our auditoriums. I’m sorry.”

Caller: “So, if I go to [Burger Joint] and get a hamburger, will you let me bring it in?”

Me: “No, sir, it’s our policy that we can’t allow outside food and drink. I do apologize.”

Caller: “So, if I gave you a hamburger, you wouldn’t let me bring a hamburger into the movie?”

Me: “No, sir, I do apologize; it’s policy.”

Caller: “So, what if I bring a large, two-topping pizza, will you let me in?”

Me: “Um… No, sir, that’s outside food and we don’t allow that.”

Caller: “Even if I give you some?”

Me: “No, I’m sorry. We can’t allow it; it’s policy.”

Caller: “What if I sneak it under my shirt?”

Me: “I mean, if you sneak it under your shirt and podium doesn’t see you bring it in, I guess you can have it, but if we catch you with it you can’t bring it in.”

Caller: “May I speak to a manager?”

Me: “I am one.”

Caller: “Okay… Who’s your boss?”

Me: *says boss’s name*

Caller: “So, if I bring him a large, two-topping pizza, will you let me bring it into a movie?”

Me: “Sir, no, I’m sorry. We don’t allow anything that’s not bought at our concession stand.”

Caller: “It’s my friend’s birthday today.”

Me: “I understand, but we can’t let you bring it in.”

Caller: *hangs up*