Customer: “Do you guys do price matching?”

Me: “Yes, we do.”

Customer: “Okay, well Wal-Mart has this vacuum on sale for $27.99 and you have it on for $34.99. Will you match that?”

Me: “Yes, that’s no problem. I just need to see a copy of the Wal-Mart flyer with that vacuum.”

Customer: “You don’t have the flyer?”

Me: “…No. We don’t carry Wal-Mart’s flyer.”

Customer: “You want me to drive all the way home to get Wal-Mart’s flyer and come all the way back here? Are you sure you don’t have it here?”

Me: “No, we don’t have Wal-Mart’s flyer.”

Customer: *angrily* “Well, you SHOULD! Jesus Christ, do I have to do everything?”

(Customer mutters and walks away.)

This story is part of our Lazy Customers roundup!

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Read the Lazy Customers roundup!

Customer: “Do you have any maps of South Africa?”

(We’re in Ontario, Canada.)

Me: *having a look* “No, it seems we don’t. Your best bet will be to check online or to wait until you get there.”

Customer: “But you have maps of everywhere else! I looked on the computer and it said you had them!”

Me: “Did we have any in stock?”

Customer: “You have maps of places all over the states, but not South Africa.”

Me: “I guess there’s more interest because people can drive there.”

Customer: “This is discrimination! I want a map of South Africa.”

Me: “Let me go check the computer again.” *runs*

This story is part of the South Africa Roundup!

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Read the South Africa Roundup!

Me: “Hi, my name is [My Name] at College], and I’m calling this evening to talk to [Name] about her college search. Is she available?”

An older man who answers.

Man: “Sorry, she’s still got a few weeks left in jail.”

Me: “Uh… okay. Would you mind just taking down a couple of pieces of contact information for her?”

Man: “I could take the information down, but I just don’t know how well it’d go, what with all the drugs she’s on right now.”

Me: “I’m sorry, is this a joke?”

Man: “No, no joke…”

This story is part of the College-Admission-Fails roundup!

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(A customer comes to the bakery and asks me if we sell some ointment.)

Me: “Sorry, but we don’t sell that here.”

Customer: “Where can I get it?”

Me: “I would suggest one of the local pharmacies.” *I name a few, including B & J’s Pharmacy*

Customer: “Is B & J’s Pharmacy…a pharmacy?”

Me: “Yes…”

(This one came from my manager. A customer called Target and asked about a jacket that was on sale.)

Customer (very snooty): “Hello, I would like to know if you have any Corbin Wells jackets in stock.”

My Manager: “Corbin Wells? I don’t think we sell that brand.”

Customer (getting angry): “Well, it’s on page ten in your ad!”

My Manager: “Let me see.” *she turns to page ten* “Ma’am, page ten is electronics.”

Customer (extremely angry): “You DO have the ad in front of you, don’t you?”

My manager: “Yes, I have the TARGET ad in front of me.”

Customer: “Oh, Target? That’s not the ad I’m looking at.”

My manager: “What ad are you looking at, ma’am?”

Customer (still snooty): “Kohl’s.” *click*