Me: “…ma’am, I’m sorry, but unless you had insurance during that time, you will have to pay for the insurance we purchased for you.”
Customer: “I don’t understand why you people are demanding we PAY for this s***! And the electric company wants money, too! How am I supposed to take care of my babies when all of you are demanding money for stuff?! WHAT ABOUT THE BABIES?”
Me: “Thank you for calling [Tech Support]. How can I help?”
Customer: *very irate* “Yeah! I didn’t pay my Internet bill and now it’s saying my account is suspended and I want to know why!”
Me: “Okay, you didn’t pay your bill, we suspended your account, and you would like to know why?”
Customer: “Yes! Why? Why did you suspend it?”
Me: “All right, let me take a look here… My system shows it suspended the account because you didn’t pay the last bill we sent.”
Customer: “I know I didn’t pay the bill! Have a little f****** sympathy here! Are you customer service?”
Me: “I’m tech support.”
Customer: “Where is customer service at?!”
Me: “Our billing department handles all our customer service issues. I’ll transfer you down to them.”
Customer: “You’re acting like a real a**hole; you know that? You need to have more empathy for people!”
Me: *in the most uppity happy-go-lucky voice ever conceived; I almost gagged from bringing so much joy up* “You have yourself a fabulously sunshine-filled day, sir!”
Customer: “WHAT’S YOUR F****** NA–” *click*
(Gotta love that transfer button…)
Me: “Yes, how can I help you today?”
Customer: “Well I need one of those things that go in back of my phone. What’s it called?”
Me: “I’m not sure what it is, ma’am.”
Customer: “Oh yeah, I remember what it is. A stem cell…”
Me: “A what?!”
Customer: “You know, a stem cell so I can make calls… the little card thing…”
(She was thinking of a SIM card; I died laughing when she left!)
Me: “Welcome to [Pizza], how can I help you?”
Customer: *sincerely* “Do you have any Chinese food?”
Me: “Errr… no.”
Customer: *still earnest* “Ohhh… really? What about Thai food?”
Me: “Oh! Yes.”
Customer: “Really?”
Me: “No. Not really. Just pizza.”
This story is part of the Humorless Customers roundup!
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Read the Humorless Customers roundup!
*customer hands over a tree skirt for her Christmas tree*
Customer: “That’s all! And I have a coupon…”
Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but it appears that the tree skirt is already on sale, so you can’t use the coupon.”
Customer: “Really? It doesn’t say anywhere that it’s on sale.”
Me: “Well, the ad that the coupon comes in also says that ‘All Christmas decorations’ are on sale for 30% off. Your coupon is for 40% off, so its not that big of a difference. It says on the coupon that you cannot use it on sale items…”
Customer: “Can’t you just give me the regular price and discount it with the coupon?”
Me: “Ma’am, you’re only losing out on… six dollars. I really don’t want to lose my job over your six dollars.”
Customer: “I BELIEVE I’M BEING CHEATED! I’M NEVER SHOPPING AT THIS ESTABLISHMENT AGAIN!”
(The customer came back two hours later to buy the exact same tree skirt.)
This story is part of the Christmas Eve roundup!
Read the next Christmas Eve roundup story!
Read the Christmas Eve roundup!
