(I work at a well-known convenience store on the east coast that includes a deli, offering sandwiches, soups, and sides. This occurs about 20 minutes after a customer picks up his order for two soups.)

Customer: “I came in earlier and ordered a baked potato soup and a chicken corn chowder, but you gave me two corn chowders, instead.”

Me: “Sorry about that. Let me just go grab your soup.”

(He hands me the container of corn chowder and I exchange it for the same size of baked potato soup.)

Customer: *yelling* “You did it again! You gave me the wrong soup! What’s wrong with you?”

Me: *checking it, just to be sure* “Sir, I’m confident that this is the baked potato soup.”

Customer: “What are you talking about? This is chicken corn chowder.”

Me: *trying not to sound like an a**hole* “Sir, the chicken corn chowder has corn and chicken in it. You can see there’s no corn in this; it has potato and bacon in it like it says on the menu.”

Customer: “What? I… That isn’t what I wanted. I wanted the baked potato!”

Me: *racking my brain* “Well, that’s what I just gave you… Did you want… mashed potatoes?”

Customer: “Yes.”

(The kicker? He must have eaten an entire container of soup, thinking it was corn chowder, that contained absolutely none of the same ingredients. It doesn’t even have any corn.)

(I work at a popular smoothie shop where we have two kinds of protein powder customers can add. Most people just say “protein” and I have to ask them to specify.)

Me: “Would you like to put any [extras] in that today?”

Customer: “Yeah, protein.”

Me: “Is that whey or soy protein?”

Customer: *looking very serious* “Oh, whey, of course. Soy is very bad for you, you know.”

(I don’t know how I manage to keep a straight face, but I finish the transaction in perfect professionalism, hand him the key to the bathroom when he requests it, and go straight to the shift leader once he’s disappeared.)

Me: “That guy just told me he definitely wanted whey protein because, and I quote, ‘soy is bad for you.’”

Shift Leader: “You mean the guy who just came in smelling like a pack of cigarettes?”

Me: “Yup! That guy!”

(Our whole store smelled like cigarette smoke for a good ten minutes after he left. But, “soy is bad for you!”)

Customer: “I hardly ever use this, just a little during the holidays. I have no idea why it needs to be repaired.”

Me: “Okay, well, it’s still under warranty, so we can certainly cover that for you. Now, the turnaround time for the repair is going to be at most four weeks.”

Customer: “Woah, wait that long? That’s a long time to go without using it, don’t you think? Why so long?”

(Our auto insurance call center shuts down at 10:00 pm everyday. It is 9:55 pm.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Call Center]. My name is [My Name]. How may I help you today?”

Customer: “I don’t care who you are. I hope this is being recorded. I have called in multiple times and no one has helped me yet!”

Me: “I apologize for your experience, sir. If you want, I can get my manager on the phone to help you out.”

Customer: “No, you will do my claim and no one else.”

Me: “All righty then, sir. Let’s get started.”

(I continue to take his information to finish his claim. We are one step from being completed with his claim when I hear the customer cursing someone else out on the other side of the line and then a loud bang.)

Me: “Sir, is everything, okay?”

Customer: “Why are you worried about what’s going on over here? Aren’t you supposed to be taking my information for the claim?”

Me: “Sir, I heard a loud bang and was just wanting to make sure everything or everyone was all right.”

Customer: “Mind your own d*** business, you piece of s***!”

(Little do I know that my manager is shadowing my call and has already called the police to trace the number.)

Manager: *pulls one earphone off my head and mutes my call* “Keep him on the phone for a few more minutes.”

Customer: “Excuse me, are you even listening? I thought it was your job to take my call,and listen to what I say, and take my information.”

Me: “I have been listening, sir, and we have one more step to do. Here are the dates that are available to get your vehicle in the shop.” *tells customer the dates* “Which would work best for you?”

Customer: “Let’s go with [date].” *sirens in the background*

Me: “Thank you, sir. Would you like this information to be sent to you via email or via text?”

Customer: “Here’s my phone number for the text. I have to go now; I’m in trouble.”

Me: “Thank you for calling [Call Center]. Again my name is [My Name], and I hope you have a wonderful and blessed day, sir.”

(We have a family business that sells gravestones. My husband is manning our shop when an elderly man walks in.)

Husband: “Good afternoon.”

Customer: “I want to order a stone for my wife.”

Husband: “If you’d like to come through to the office, and take a seat, I will show you some samples, and designs.”

(The elderly man walks very carefully, feeling his way with his stick, up to the two steps and into the hallway. After half an hour or so, the transaction is complete and the man stands up.)

Customer: “Where are the steps? How many are there?”

(He feels his way slowly down them, walks to the door, and asks:)

Customer: “Wasn’t there another step here?”

(My husband is concerned as to how he will manage to walk up the road, as there are a number of roads to cross. He mentions this to him, only to be told:)

Customer: “Oh, its all right; I have my car keys here.”

(He walked over to the car outside, got in, and drove away.)