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Why Everything Seems To Take Forever

, , , , | Right | July 23, 2008

Library Patron: “I need to get on a computer.”

Me: “I’m sorry… as the sign on the sign-up computer says, the entire computer system is down.”

Library Patron: “Oh, I just need to check my email.”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but it’s everything.”

Library Patron: “Well, could you look up a book for me?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I guess I’m not clear. The ENTIRE system is down. We can’t do anything that involves the internet and that includes printing things out. We even use VOIP phones so we can’t call out.”

Library Patron: “Oh. Well, just look up what I have checked out right now, and tell me when it’s due.”

Me: “I can’t do that, either.”

Library Patron: “Can you check my email for me?”

Me: “No, ma’am. We use the same system.”

Library Patron: “But, I saw you typing!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, I’m working on a report on the word processor. This is something that doesn’t use the Internet.”

Library Patron: “Well, when will the computers be fixed?”

Me: “We don’t know.”

Library Patron: “Why?”

Me: “Because it’s broken. If we knew what was wrong, we’d be fixing it.”

Library Patron: “Does this happen often?”

Me: “Nope.”

Library Patron: “So you are saying it’s just a coincidence that the first time I need to use the computer, the system is down?”

Me: “Well, yes.”

Library Patron: “Do you actually do anything useful here?”

Me: “Well, normally I’d be troubleshooting the problem with the system, but for the past ten minutes, I’ve been having to answer your questions about it.”

Library Patron: *stomps off*

Altruism, How I Miss Thee

, , , , | Right | July 7, 2008

Library Patron: “I’ve donated a lot of books over the years. So, from now on I’d like all my requests for free, please.”

(Requests to transfer books from one library branch to another cost $1 per time.)

Me: “I’m sorry. We don’t have any policy to do that.”

Library Patron: “I’ve donated so many books over the years I think this is a special case! I should be given free requests and fines.”

Me: “I’m sorry, that’s not something you’ll be able to do. A lot of people donate books and we don’t give them free requests and fines.”

Library Patron: “But I’ve been supporting the library with all these donations I’ve been giving. I deserve something in return!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but the word donation implies you expect nothing in return… Otherwise, it’s not a donation.”

Library Patron: *lightbulb goes on* “Oh…”


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Stupidity Is The Mother Of Repetition, Part 2

, , , | Right | June 13, 2008

(A customer comes to the counter to borrow a DVD, I go into the back and get the one he wants, and all seems normal…)

Me: “May I have your card?”

Customer: *presents a bank card*

Me: “I mean your library card.”

Customer: “You mean I can’t buy it?”

Me: “No, you can only borrow from a library. You can buy DVDs in the shop around the corner.

Customer: “Oh… so I can’t buy it here? I have to borrow it?”

Me: “Yep.”

Customer: “I wanted to buy it.”

Me: “You can only buy it from shops. Are you a member of the library?

Customer: “No, I wanted to buy this DVD.”

Me: “You can’t buy things here, you can only borrow things when you’re a member.”

(By this point there is quite a long queue behind him, so I ring the bell for assistance.)

Customer: “What’s that bell for? Is it for getting a copy I can buy?”

Me: “No, it’s to get assistance for the other readers. If you’d like to buy a DVD, I’d strongly suggest you go elsewhere. ”

Customer: “So I can’t buy it?”

Me: “No.”

Customer: *pauses* “Oh… I wanted to buy it.” (After one more pause, he finally leaves.)


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I’m So Smrt, I Dn’t Hve To Raed

, , , , | Right | June 2, 2008

(A library patron comes to the desk with her laptop.)

Patron: “I’m having problems getting on the Internet.”

Me: “Well, if you’re connecting wirelessly, you need to log on to our network with your email address–”

Patron: “I know that! I’m not stupid. I put in my email and password and it won’t connect me!”

Me: “Okay, why don’t you try and log in here, and I’ll see if I can help.”

Patron: *logs on* “See! I enter everything and then it says Not Connecting You To The Internet. It’s been doing this for the past half hour… I keep closing it and trying again!”

Me: “Uh, that says Now Connecting You To The Internet…”

Patron: “No it doesn’t! It says Not Connecting You To The Internet!”

Me: “What’s that word?”

Patron:Now!”

Me: “And the others?”

Patron:Connecting You To The… erm. I have to go now.”


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Resistance Is Futile

, , , | Right | May 17, 2008

(A woman is filling out a library card application.)

Librarian: “Ma’am, I need your middle name, as well.”

Woman: “Why?”

Librarian: “We have a lot of duplicate entries, so we’re required to ask for middle names now.”

Woman: “I don’t want to give you my middle name.”

Librarian: “Ma’am, I already have your social security number. Giving me your middle name won’t hurt.”


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