Library Patron: “I need some help comparing heating prices.”
Me: “Okay, let me show you a website where you can compare the different gas companies.”
(I lead the patron to computer, and type in the website address.)
Me: “Here you go. Just type in your information.”
Library Patron: *looking at the keyboard* “These letters are all mixed up!”
Me: “Uh, well…”
Library Patron: “Have they always been like this?”
Me: “Only since the 1800s. Here, let me do the typing.”
(I’m checking out another patron’s books. Suddenly, a customer screams and points at me, in the process elbowing another patron out of the way.)
Library Patron: “WHY DIDN’T YOU TAKE THE CHICKEN NOODLE SOUP OFF THE STOVE?!”
Me: “Um, I’m sorry, ma’am, I’m helping someone right now….”
Library Patron: “You let it get all FATTY on the top!”
Me: “…I’m sorry?”
(The library patron begins to cry.)
Me: “Why are you crying?”
Library Patron: “I don’t know, cuz dads are microwaving their kids and s***!”
Me: “…”
(At a library, completely surrounded by books…)
Me: “Hi, how can I help?”
College Student: “Where are the books that you can, like, read?”
Me: “…”
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Library Patron: “Do you guys have books?”
Me: (I turn and give a side glance to the shelves of books on my right) “Nope. It’s all online.”
The customer needs help adding his music into his iTunes library. I show him how, and this happens:
Customer: “Uggghhh!”
Me: “What happened?”
Customer: “Well, I’ll be honest. It’s adding my p*rn.”
Me: *silence* “Oh…”
Customer: “Please make it stop! I don’t want p*rn on my iPod!”
Me: “Click the little X near the top.”
Customer: “Okay, it stopped.”
Me: “Try adding the My Music folder again.”
Customer: “It’s doing it again! Oh, God!”
Me: “Okay, uh… let’s just move it from your My Music folder to a new folder in My Documents.”
Customer: “Okay, I’ll do that.”
(A few seconds of silence pass while he moves the files)
Customer: “Oh, man. It’s gonna take 24 minutes for all the files to move.”
Me: “Twenty-four minutes? Are you sure?!”
Customer: “Yes, I’m sure.”
(I show him how to do some other unrelated action while the p*rn is moved)
Customer: “All right, great. Now that we’re done concealing my shame…”
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