Customer: *on the phone* “Yeah, I found you guys on Google. I’m trying to find a laser gun that, you know, you can shoot a plane down with?”
Me: “Um… we sell laser printer cartridges, not lasers…”
Customer: “Oh… I guess I couldn’t really throw a cartridge that far at a plane, huh?”
Me: “Uh… no?”
Me: “Thank you for calling [Company] Pay Per View. This is [My Name] speaking. How can I help you?”
Customer: “Uh, yeah… I, uh, used up all my credit, and I need you to give me some more.”
Me: “You can purchase credit on our website, or through the automated system on the phone. Would you like assistance with either of those?”
Customer: *yelling* “NO! WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?! YOU SAYING I’M STUPID?!”
Me: “Um, no… I was just offering to–”
Customer: “WELL, NOW I WANT IT FREE! I DEMAND £20 FREE CREDIT!”
Me: “I can’t just hand out free credit like that; that’s not how it works. If you have a complaint, I can transfer you to that department–”
Customer: “NO!” *suddenly quiet* “Where is your office located?”
Me: “We’re in [Location].”
Customer: “RIGHT! I’M GONNA COME DOWN THERE AND F*** YOU UP! I KNOW YOUR NAME, F***HEAD! I’LL F****** FIND YOU!”
Me: “…”
Customer: “Wait, where is [Location], exactly?”
Me: “Um… about an hour out of the city by bus or car.”
Customer: “What?! Really? That far? Nah… I’ll probably leave it so. Thanks anyway. Bye.” *hangs up*
This story is part of the Customers With Wild Mood Swings roundup!
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(A man walks up to the service desk and wants to return his yogurt.)
Me: “Sure, is it expired?”
Customer: “No.”
Me: “Did you just need a different flavor or something?”
Customer: “No.”
Me: “All right, what’s the reason for returning it?”
Customer: *shakes the yogurt* “Listen to that!” *shakes it again near my ear* “Doesn’t sound right!”
Me: “I see…”
Customer: “Yogurt shouldn’t sound like that.”
(This was at a government office on a Navy base.)
Me: “[Program Office], [My Name] speaking. Can I help you?”
Caller: “Can I speak to the homeowner?”
Me: “Sir, this is a naval base, not a residence.”
Caller: “Are you sure?!”
(A customer comes into the store about once or twice a month. She walks up to the new releases, and then proceeds into the center of the store where we don’t have many security cameras and stuffs the movies into her purse. We know she has been doing it for quite some time, but we legally aren’t allowed to stop her. However, we get a new manager.)
Me: “Just leave her alone. She’ll be gone soon.”
Manager: “Watch this.”
(The manager walks up to the woman as she finishes stuffing the movies into her purse.)
Manager: *smiling* “Good evening, ma’am, can I help you steal anything else today?”
(The customer went white and ran out of store. She never showed up again.)
