I work in the legal field and walk to the local courthouse several times per week. I’ve developed friendly relationships with the security personnel at the door but there are dozens of them and they rotate between entrances and locations so it happens that I may go weeks without seeing the same person twice. I’m a little overweight but happy with my body. On this day, I’m wearing a top with an empire waistline. I’m chatting with the security officer (SO1) at the door when his shift relief (SO2) shows up.

SO2: Hey, [name!] Haven’t seen you in a while.
Me: Yeah, it has been a while. I heard your daughter was accepted to [college], that’s great for her!
SO2: Yeah, and speaking of good news, are you in a family way? *gestures to my stomach*
SO1 gasps and I look SO2 straight in the eye and say: Nope, just overweight.
SO2 immediately splutters and backtracks, saying: No, no, no, that’s not what I meant to imply, you just…I mean, you look —
SO1: STOP TALKING.
Me, grinning: Sorry, [SO2], if you ask a question that makes me uncomfortable, I’m going to give an answer that makes you uncomfortable. Tell your daughter I said hi.
I walked off to the sound of SO1 howling with laughter saying, “You idiot!!! You never ask a woman if she’s pregnant until you see her being wheeled into labor and delivery!”

I ran into SO2 again a few days later. He tried to apologize but I told him I really wasn’t upset. We’re still on friendly terms years later.

Caller: I was checking my order history online, and it’s saying my item that’s backordered is now going to deliver in 7-8 weeks? Is that right?

Me: (checks our system) Unfortunately, it does look like we are all stocked out, but I can look into expediting that for you. Did you want a call or email back?

Caller: (gives phone number) But just to let you know, you shouldn’t lie to people. The website is saying it’ll deliver tomorrow.

Me: That’s odd. Where does it say that?

Caller: When you type in the item number, it says it right there.

(Note: In the call center, we use the exact same website the general public uses, not a special internal version, so we can see exactly what the customers see.)

Me: (searches the part) I’m sorry, I’m not seeing that, it’s showing me 7-8 weeks delivery.

Caller: Yes, it is, now YOU’RE lying to me! I’m looking right at part abc1234!

Me: Part number abc1234?

Caller: Yes! Do you see it now?

Me: Yes, part number abc1234 does deliver tomorrow, but the part number on your order is xyz1234, which is out of stock.

(silence)

Me: Did you need to switch the part on your order?

Caller: (meekly) No…

Me: Then you’ll hear back from us this afternoon about whether or not we can expedite the part you ordered. (click)

My grandma is a really nice lady, but she has been demanding all her life. She has a different sense of urgency. When she got older and lost her only child, my dad, and then her husband, it got worse.
In this story her living room clock broke. She had a clock in all the other rooms, but my mom had to immediately go clock shopping with her. They went to about four huge furniture stores and eventually found one.
After paying, my grandma said: “Oh, but this one is cheap and it will break soon. I will have to buy a spare one, too.”
My mom looked at her like she couldn’t believe it.
The next day my grandma’s sister went to another three stores and they bought a second clock.
It takes a village to care for my grandma and can be a full time job sometimes.

I run a weekly Friday meeting, no one wants to be there but I changed it so you only have to attend once a month and only for 10 minuites.

Most people tow the line, a few people “forget ” but are quickly chewed out in the next meeting, as there are often seniour managers attending, they don’t do it again.

All apart from “Ricky” . Ricky recently changed jobs so needs to come to my meeting.
The first meeting he doesn’t attend, I give him a pass as he tells me “he forgot”.
The second time he declines because he “doesn’t have time”.
The third time he just doesn’t show, and on it goes.

After a while I receive a long email from Ricky’s boss, it goes something like this:

Ricky’s boss : Ricky, where are you with (project)?

Ricky : I’ve been really busy.

Ricky’s boss : I still need a regular update, this project is an international concern and millions are riding on it.

Ricky: i have been giving regular updates and the weekly meeting. I’ve heard (me) doesn’t do a great job sending out updates. He probably forgot to send it.

Ricky’s boss : is that correct (me)?

Me: hi both, I have sent Ricky 8 invitations to attend the weekly meeting and three emails to offer support offline. I put one meeting that was a one to one to catch up , these where all declined or not attended.

I didn’t get a response but Ricky suddenly started to attend the meeting , it turns out he really didn’t know what he was doing. Rather than take my help he just avoided me.

Because of the current health crisis people in the Netherlands aren’t allowed to be out in the streets after nine o’clock at night, unless they have an officially issued document stating it is necessary for work or an emergency. I have that document since I work in a retirement home and we kept doing our activities, including evening activities, such as movie nights during the lockdown. One night I’m getting home at about ten o’clock after Movie Night and I am stopped by a police officer.

Police officer: (very sternly) good evening, what are we doing out this late at night?
Me: evening officer! I’ve got my paperwork right here, just sec! (Ruffles through bag and shows document and ID)
Police officer: (sighs) thank you, that seems to be in order. And thanks for not chewing me out over that, have a good evening.
Me: wait, what? Why would anybody do that?
Police officer: (sad smile) you’d be surprised. I got yelled at by a couple of peole tonight. How I was a fascist and didn’t I understand they were saving lives… You know, that kind of stuf.
Me: huh. So… You know, as it says on my document, my job is basically to keep very old people happy.
Police officer: yeah I saw that, looks like a nice job.
Me: it really is! So… Here I am keeping people happy, and here you are keeping people safe.
Police officer: well, yeah..
Me: we kinda rule, don’t we?
(Silence)
Police officer: (beaming) yes. Yes we do.
Me: thanks for keeping an eye out officer, I hope your night gets better.
Police officer: it kinda just did. I just realised that I rule!