Unfiltered Story #294217

I work in the legal field and walk to the local courthouse several times per week. I’ve developed friendly relationships with the security personnel at the door but there are dozens of them and they rotate between entrances and locations so it happens that I may go weeks without seeing the same person twice. I’m a little overweight but happy with my body. On this day, I’m wearing a top with an empire waistline. I’m chatting with the security officer (SO1) at the door when his shift relief (SO2) shows up.

SO2: Hey, [name!] Haven’t seen you in a while.
Me: Yeah, it has been a while. I heard your daughter was accepted to [college], that’s great for her!
SO2: Yeah, and speaking of good news, are you in a family way? *gestures to my stomach*
SO1 gasps and I look SO2 straight in the eye and say: Nope, just overweight.
SO2 immediately splutters and backtracks, saying: No, no, no, that’s not what I meant to imply, you just…I mean, you look —
SO1: STOP TALKING.
Me, grinning: Sorry, [SO2], if you ask a question that makes me uncomfortable, I’m going to give an answer that makes you uncomfortable. Tell your daughter I said hi.
I walked off to the sound of SO1 howling with laughter saying, “You idiot!!! You never ask a woman if she’s pregnant until you see her being wheeled into labor and delivery!”

I ran into SO2 again a few days later. He tried to apologize but I told him I really wasn’t upset. We’re still on friendly terms years later.