(I am making an emergency run to the nearest big box store before my yard sale to pick up some stakes to hold signs. Because I am in a hurry and because I am a scientist, I am wearing torn jeans and a ripped, ugly green shirt with printed pictures of dismembered limbs and tentacles in jars. A woman approaches me in the gardening section.)

Woman: “Oh, man, I can’t find what I need. These aren’t right.” *gesturing at the wooden stakes in front of me* “I need, you know, that thing for tomatoes.”

Me: “Huh, I think I saw some of those on the way in. Maybe at the halfway point of the aisle here?”

(She wanders down to look.)

Woman: “No, I don’t see them.”

(I have found what I need by this time so I head towards the register. When I reach it, I notice tomato cages nearby, so I notify the first woman, who thanks me. Then, the woman at the register in front of me speaks up.)

Other Woman: “Can I get checked out here?”

Me: “Uh, I don’t know. Maybe?”

Other Woman: *a little huffier* “Well, I think it’s supposed to be open.”

Me: “Why don’t you find a sales associate and ask them to help you, then? I won’t take your place.”

Other Woman: “Oh, you don’t work here?”

Me: *little laugh* “No, of course not.”

(I spot a sales associate in the next aisle, stocking shelves, so I step over and ask if she’s able to check us out. As she returns to the register and begins to scan the second woman’s items, I hear:)

Other Woman: “Well, you looked like you work here.”

Me: “Really? In this shirt? Are you serious?”

(She paid for her things and scurried out without another word!)

(I’m a barista, making drinks for customers at a pretty popular coffee chain. Store policy is to remake drinks if a customer has a complaint, even if we know we’ve made the drink correctly. One woman has ordered a mocha frappuccino. I make the drink and put it on the bar, where she’s waiting. She takes one sip and makes a face.)

Customer: “This isn’t right.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, ma’am. What’s wrong with it?”

Customer: “There’s chocolate in this.”

Me: “Did we add too much? I can remake the drink for you with half the amount of chocolate, if you’d like.”

Customer: “What? No! A mocha’s not supposed to have chocolate in it at all!”

Me: “Um… Mocha means coffee and chocolate, ma’am.”

Customer: “No, it doesn’t! I’ve gotten a mocha plenty of times before, and it didn’t have any chocolate in it at all!”

Me: “So, you just want something coffee-flavored? I can make you a coffee frap, no problem!”

Customer: “NO! I don’t want a coffee frappuccino. I want a mocha frap, no chocolate!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, our recipe guide includes chocolate in the mocha frap. I’m not sure what you’re asking for.”

Customer: “It’s very simple! You make a frappuccino! You put the coffee in it! You put the mocha in it! You do not put the chocolate in it!“

(Rather than try to explain that our “mocha” syrup is, in actuality, chocolate syrup, I simply nod and take the cup back. I end up making her a coffee frap with a half-pump of mocha syrup.)

Me: “All right, ma’am, I think I got it right this time. Please let me know if it’s not what you’re looking for.”

Customer: *taking a sip* “This is much better! Honestly, I don’t know what was so hard for you to understand; all you had to do was put in the mocha and leave out the chocolate.”

(She filed a complaint with my manager.)

(My grandmother is incredibly stubborn and refuses to listen. She is also in serious debt because she has proven time and again that she cannot handle her money. She had to move in with us because she ended up filing for bankruptcy. Money is also tight for us at the moment, so we rarely splurge on things like eating out. This happens at dinner one night.)

Grandma: “You know what I want for dinner sometime? I want you to go to [Italian Restaurant] and get a big thing of their salad and bring it home.”

Me: “Just the salad?”

Grandma: “Yes.”

Me: “And what would the rest of dinner be?”

Grandma: “What’s wrong with salad?”

Me: “Nothing, it just doesn’t fill me up.”

Mom: “I can buy a Caesar salad kit and some [Italian Restaurant] dressing at the store for you when I go shopping. Actually, I might have some here.” *gets up to look*

Grandma: “No, I want the salad from [Italian Restaurant]!”

Dad: “Mom, [Italian Restaurant] is all the way on the other side of town. We are nowhere near [Italian Restaurant].”

Grandma: “How far away is it?”

Dad: “Half an hour to forty-five minutes, depending on the time of day and how you hit the lights.”

Grandma: “No, it’s not.”

Dad: “Yes, it is! A lot has changed since you left the area twenty years ago! Besides, [Italian Restaurant] is really expensive and there’s nothing worth getting there.”

(My dad only says this because he hates Italian food.)

Mom: *returning with dressing* “Look, [Grandma], I have the dressing. I will buy a Caesar salad for you and you can put this on.”

Grandma: “No. I want a salad from [Italian Restaurant]. I’ll pay for it myself.”

Dad: “With what money?”

Grandma: “My money.”

Dad: “You don’t have any money!”

Me: “If you really want to go to an Italian restaurant, we can go to [Local Independent Italian Restaurant]. It’s just as good as [Italian Restaurant], but it’s only ten minutes away.”

Grandma: “No! I want salad from [Italian Restaurant]! It’s the best!”

(My parents told her no several more times. She ended up pouting in her room the rest of the night and all of the next day.)

(I’m a new employee in a hotel, working with a trainer on my first day. I’m trying to concentrate, but a few goofy guys keep bothering us while she’s trying to train me.)

Goofy Guys: “Hey, hey! We need a cab! We need to buy beer!”

Trainer: “Okay, just wait there until it comes. It’ll take 30 minutes.”

Goofy Guys: “Hey! We can’t wait that long! Why is it so long?!”

Trainer: “That’s just the way it goes.”

(She continues training me, explaining our work. Meanwhile, the goofy guys keep interrupting and making loud, goofy jokes. Finally, the cab comes to pick them up, but before they leave…)

Goofy Guys: “Hey, you two! You know what?! When we come back, we’ll jump over each other like a leapfrog, through the door! It’ll be epic! What do ya think?!”

(The trainer just smiles so they go away, and we continue training. Hours later, the door opens and the goofy guys return.)

Goofy Guys: “Hey! Look at this!”

(One by one, true to their word, they started leap-frogging over one another through the door, down the hall, and up to their rooms. It was one of the weirdest things I’ve seen, yet hilarious at the same time!)

(I work at a cafe where we line up drinks on the bar when they’re ready. I’ve just placed one woman’s drink down and immediately, she starts talking.)

Customer: “This doesn’t look right.”

Me: “What do you mean?”

Customer: “It’s supposed to be darker.”

Me: “Well, if you take a sip and don’t like it, I can remake it for you.”

Customer: “You don’t have to remake it. It’s just supposed to be darker.”

Me: “All right, ma’am.” 

(I step away to make the next drink. When I place it at the bar, the first customer is still there.)

Customer: “It doesn’t taste right.”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, ma’am. Do you want me to remake the drink for you? Free of charge?”

Customer: “No, you don’t have to remake it. It just doesn’t taste right.”

Me: “I’m sorry about that, ma’am.”

Customer: “There’s supposed to be more of a coffee taste.”

Me: “Do you want me to get you a shot of espresso? You could pour that in and it would add more of a coffee flavor.”

Customer: “No, don’t do that.”

Me: “All right, ma’am.”

(I go to work on another drink, and after a few moments, I return to the bar. The first customer is still there.)

Customer: “It’s not right.”

Me: “Are you sure you don’t want me to remake the drink for you?”

Customer: “No, but it’s just not right.”

Me: “Ma’am, what can I do to make this situation better for you?”

Customer: “Well… Could you make me a fresh one?”

Me: *pause* “Yes, ma’am, right away.”

Related:
Has No Problem Espresso-ing Herself, Part 6
Has No Problem Espresso-ing Herself, Part 5
Has No Problem Espresso-ing Herself, Part 4