Welcome To Tentacles’R’Us  

, , , | Right | November 20, 2019

(I am making an emergency run to the nearest big box store before my yard sale to pick up some stakes to hold signs. Because I am in a hurry and because I am a scientist, I am wearing torn jeans and a ripped, ugly green shirt with printed pictures of dismembered limbs and tentacles in jars. A woman approaches me in the gardening section.)

Woman: “Oh, man, I can’t find what I need. These aren’t right.” *gesturing at the wooden stakes in front of me* “I need, you know, that thing for tomatoes.”

Me: “Huh, I think I saw some of those on the way in. Maybe at the halfway point of the aisle here?”

(She wanders down to look.)

Woman: “No, I don’t see them.”

(I have found what I need by this time so I head towards the register. When I reach it, I notice tomato cages nearby, so I notify the first woman, who thanks me. Then, the woman at the register in front of me speaks up.)

Other Woman: “Can I get checked out here?”

Me: “Uh, I don’t know. Maybe?”

Other Woman: *a little huffier* “Well, I think it’s supposed to be open.”

Me: “Why don’t you find a sales associate and ask them to help you, then? I won’t take your place.”

Other Woman: “Oh, you don’t work here?”

Me: *little laugh* “No, of course not.”

(I spot a sales associate in the next aisle, stocking shelves, so I step over and ask if she’s able to check us out. As she returns to the register and begins to scan the second woman’s items, I hear:)

Other Woman: “Well, you looked like you work here.”

Me: “Really? In this shirt? Are you serious?”

(She paid for her things and scurried out without another word!)

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