I’m a personal shopper. Many of our customers are entitled, a few are downright nasty, and two of them we want to ban, but corporate won’t let us. They complain so much that we have to have a manager check their order every single time, but that never stops them from going to corporate to get free stuff.

We also have some genuinely nice customers. I’m shopping for a sweet old lady, but I have one thing out of stock. I give her a call.

Me: “The only thing out was [Brand] shrimp scampi. Did you want to go with another brand? Or, [Brand] also had this cilantro lime shrimp thing, if you wanted to try that instead.”

Customer: “Oh, I think there’s another brand with something similar. I think it’s frozen with vegetables. If you find something like that, I’ll take that. If not, then just leave it off.”

Me: “Okay, I will take a look and see if we have that.”

I hang up and head to the frozen section. A brand known for its steamable vegetables that also has ready-made frozen meals has a shrimp scampi option, so I grab that and add it to the order. A little while later, the customer calls me back.

Customer: “Yes, I had placed an order earlier, under [Customer], and I talked to someone about subbing the shrimp.”

Me: “Yes, that was me.”

Customer: “Okay, I remembered the brand name: [Brand #2]. I think they have a shrimp thing.”

Me: “They do. I found one of their meals that was shrimp scampi, so I got you that.”

Customer: “Isn’t that really expensive?”

Me: “It’s on sale right now, so it was only a dollar and some change more than what you originally ordered.”

Customer: “Oh, that’s not too bad. I’ll try it, then. Thank you.”

Me: “You’re welcome. Have a good day.”

I go about my day. A little while later, this customer calls a third time.

Customer: “I know I’m being a pain in the a** by continuing to you, but I was wondering if it was too late to add something to my order?”

Me: “No; however, you would have to pay at the curb for the add-on. The way our online payment system is set up, we can’t go back in and charge you more once we capture your total. We have a card reader so you can pay by card at pickup.”

Customer: “Would cash work?”

Me: “Yes, you can pay with cash.”

Customer: “Great. I wanted to add some [Brand #3] bleach. I don’t need a great big thing of bleach, now. A small- to medium-size bottle will do.”

Me: “Small- to medium-size [Brand #3] bleach. Anything else?”

Customer: “That’s it. Do you know how much that will be?”

Me: “Just a moment while I check.”

I run to the cleaning aisle and grab a bottle of bleach.

Me: “The price tag said $2.89, so with tax, that will be about $3.”

Customer: “Okay, thank you. I know I’m being a pain in the a** to you right now, and I promise this is the last time I will call you today.”

Me: “You’re not a pain to shop for, trust me.”

Customer: “No, I know I am. Anyway, I think my pickup time was at one, so I will see you then.”

A little after one, our delivery phone rings.

Me: “Hi, last name, please?”

Customer: “It’s your pain in the a** customer, [Customer].”

Me: “Okay, I’ll be right out.”

I quickly grab her order and take it out to her car.

Customer: “I’m sorry again for being such a pain in the a** today. I know you guys are busy.”

Me: “Believe me, you are not a pain.”

I don’t think she fully believed me. But a customer who was polite, patient, and not angling for free stuff, who picked up at her scheduled pickup time and not five to ten hours later? I wish our pain in the a** customers were like her.

I’m taking a walk, going a little slow because I’m still recovering from an ankle injury, and I start crossing the street — admittedly jaywalking — right as a small convertible, roof down in the sunny weather, pulls up from a cross-street and gets ready to turn. A truck pulls up behind her after a few seconds and honks almost immediately, since she’s waiting for me, and I almost feel guilty about my slow pace until the young lady in her little car twists around to glare at him.

Lady: “There’s a pedestrian! Quit acting like an a**hole!”

Truck Driver: “Hey, watch your mouth! I could run right over you.”

Lady: “So, do it, then!”

The truck driver didn’t seem to know how to respond, and with a flip of her ponytail, the girl turned back and started moving, since I was finally out of the way.

I don’t usually enjoy road rage, but something about that young woman in her tiny car chewing him out without hesitation and calling his bluff just tickled me that day!

I’m a personal shopper at a store. We have six shoppers at my store, plus three or four of the clerks at the customer service desk who can help us shop if we get busy, and we have a couple of baggers who can help us take orders out to the cars if we need it.

We can have up to eighty customers on any given day. Unless a customer has made a name for themselves, the odds of us remembering preferences and whatnot are highly unlikely. Most customers know to write a note in the comment section if they want something specific, like green/yellow/brown bananas, no plastic produce bags, no phone call, etc. This is especially true in our bakery section, where they have a lot of different varieties all under the same PLU, like fresh rolls or bagels for instance. If they do not give a preference, then it is up to the judgment of the shopper.

One of our customers recently discovered that our bakery section has a five-count of cannolis for sale. The cannolis come in two options: plain or chocolate. The chocolate flavor is more popular, so that’s the flavor that’s sitting on the shelf. If someone wants plain ones, they have to be specially made.

The first time this customer orders the cannolis, she, of course, gets chocolate, since that’s what’s on the shelf. She asks if plain ones are available for next time, and she is told yes, and to put in a note in the comment section saying she wants plain ones. 

The second time she orders the cannolis, two or three weeks later, she does not put a note in saying she wants plain cannolis. Someone else shops this order, and again they give her the chocolate ones that are on the shelf. When she picks up, I end up delivering her order to her.

Customer: “This is the second time I’ve gotten chocolate cannolis! That’s not what I want!”

Me: “If you’d like, I can see if the bakery can quickly make you some plain ones.”

Customer: “I don’t have time to wait for that.”

Me: “Next time, if you’d like plain cannolis, you need to put a note in the comments section of your order.”

The third time, again, two or three weeks later, yet another shopper shops her order, and again, no note, so she gets the chocolate ones again. There is a rush of deliveries when she picks up, so I’m outside helping when she comes, and I hear her yelling at my coworker.

Customer: “You should know what I like! I shouldn’t have to write a note!”

The fourth time, I finally shop her order. She orders two packs of cannolis. Yet again, there’s no note about her wanting plain cannolis, but lucky for her, I remember the hissy fit she threw, so I ask the bakery manager if she can make two five-count packs of plain cannolis. The manager agrees and gets started. The problem is, there’s only enough filling to make one of the five-counts. There’s more filling in the back, but it’s frozen solid and will take thirty to forty-five minutes to thaw.

It’s maybe twenty minutes before this customer is supposed to be by to pick up, so I give her a call. She does not answer, so I leave a message, explaining that I have one pack of cannolis, and if she would like the other, she will need to wait, and to please call me back. I’m already past my time to leave for the day, and management is breathing down my neck about leaving so I don’t go into overtime, so as soon as I finish up with her order, I punch out, but not before explaining the situation to a couple of my coworkers. I have to grab a couple of things for dinner before I leave the store, though, and as I’m standing in line, one of my coworkers comes running up to me.

Coworker: “That lady you told me about is outside. She’s claiming you never called her to ask about the cannolis.”

My coworker is newish and doesn’t really know what to do.

Me: “Please explain to her that A, I did call her and I left a message; B, the filling for the other set is frozen and will take a while to thaw, but if she wants to wait or come back, we can have it ready for her; and C, I only charged her for one pack of cannolis.”

I later learned that the customer decided she would come by the next day to pick up her cannolis, since she couldn’t wait half an hour and didn’t want to come back. Fair enough. The problem is, she decided she was going to come back AFTER she had left the store. She did not call us to ask us to have the cannolis ready for her. She called the bakery around seven the next morning and said she wanted the plain cannolis ready for her, but not when. The poor opener in the bakery had no clue what was going on. She did come and ask us if we knew what was going on, but again, the customer did not tell us she wanted to come back that day to pick them up, so we told her it was a customer from yesterday and not to worry about it.

The customer came by around 6:30 in the evening. I was gone by then, and the only shopper left was someone who was off the day the customer first came in. There were two customer service clerks who had a vague idea of what was going on, so they jumped in to help defuse the situation. The customer did eventually get her cannolis, but she ranted on about how we should know what she wants by now.

Dear online customers, you are not the only customers we serve. We are, in fact, very busy. If you want something specific, write a note. We will not remember, especially if you do not place an order every week.

Related:
That’s How The Cannoli Crumbles

A customer flags me down. He is standing by the canned vegetables which are on sale for five for $5 or something like that.

Customer: “You’re out of those green beans. Are there any more in the back?”

He points to a hole on a shelf that’s arm level. I look on the shelf and see a whole bunch shoved to the back.

Me: “Actually, there’s some in the back. How many did you want?”

Customer: “No, there aren’t any on the shelf. You need to go to the back and check.”

I pull out a can and hand it to him.

Me: “There’s still some on the shelf. How many did you want?”

Customer: “Five, but there aren’t any more on the shelf.”

He continues to rant about how I have to go into the back. I say nothing as I reach back and pull all the cans to the front of the shelf. I hand him his five cans.

Me: “There you are.”

Customer: “You still need to get more from the back. There’s none on the shelf.”

I look at the fifteen or so cans still on the shelf.

Me: “Okay.”

The customer grumbled as he walked away. It’s not my fault he was too lazy to bend over two inches to look for more cans on that shelf. And I know it was laziness since I saw him bending over to get a bunch of stuff off the bottom shelf later that day.

I am in the waiting area of a small office. The office manager is changing the toner in the copier.

Office Manager: “We meet again, copier. Now, having changed your toner multiple times, I have become the master. Do not try to resist me. Feel the power of the printing-things-correctly side.”

I am trying desperately not to laugh, but as she closes the toner niche, I call out.

Me: “Use the Force; trust your feelings!”

Without even turning around, she makes the Jedi mind-trick gesture at the copier as she hits restart. As it buzzes back to life, she grins at me.

Office Manager: “I used to threaten it, but apparently, it speaks Jedi!”