(I buy a new screen for my PC and then find a free seat on the subway to sit down, holding the package vertically on my lap. The subway fills up quickly, until an older lady stands beside me with no place to sit down. Despite the weight of the screen, I offer her the seat and try to stand up… when suddenly she slaps the top of the package and forces me back into the seat. Startled, I look at her for a second, until she says:)

Woman: “I’m not that old to be offered a seat; don’t you dare to stand up. Wait at least ten years to try that again.”

(Well… Okay, then.)

(I am working at a movie theater taking tickets while a very popular space movie is out. Sometimes we get people asking what time a movie might end because they are picking someone up.)

Customer: “What time does [Movie] end?”

Me: “What time did it start?”

Customer: *not paying attention* “[Movie].”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, what time did [Movie] start?”

Customer: *getting aggravated now* “The [Movie]. When does it end?”

Me: “I know, ma’am, but I need to know what time it started to tell you when it ends.”

Customer: “Why? Can’t you see it on there?”

Me: “Yes, but I need to know when, because we have had different showings all day.”

Customer: *starting to raise her voice* “Oh, come on. How many showings have you had?”

Me: “Currently, out of the fifteen auditoriums in this theater, five of them have been showing [Movie], and each of them have shown this movie at least four times so far today. So, what time did the movie start?”

Customer: “Oh. Well, it started at [time].”

Me: *long sigh*

My family and I are visiting Europe and Armenia over summer, and while in Vienna, we stop for dinner at a tavern. The waiter brings us the German menu, which is about the size of a ruler, but folds out. The German shouldn’t be a problem since my sister and I both speak German, but since we both learned high German, the menu in Austrian German makes less sense.

We ask the waiter for an English menu, and he goes off to get one. He comes back a few seconds later with a huge menu, complete with pictures and descriptions. We all burst out laughing as the waiter walks off.

I guess they do think Americans are stupid.

(I’m in an elevator leaving a subway station. Entering with me are an old man and a young woman, the latter with a baby stroller filled with shopping bags.)

Old Man: *leaning above the stroller* “Hey, sweet baby, look at me!”

Young Woman: *with suppressed laughter* “There is no baby.”

Old Man: *still face to face with nothing but plastic bags* “Why won’t he talk to me? He’s so quiet!”

Young Woman: *no longer amused* “That’s my shopping.”

(We exit the elevator. The old man still doesn’t want to let go of the imaginary baby and sets out to follow her. I start walking in the other direction until his tone changes and my conscience kicks in.)

Old Man: *angrily* “Did I scare him? Why doesn’t he answer when I talk to him?”

Me: *calling back towards them* “Hey, [Some Random Female Name], where are you going? Come on, hurry, our exit is over there.”

(She was very relieved to take the long way to the original destination.)

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