(A customer with an eight-year-old child comes over and asks us to recommend a board game as a present for her husband. It’s immediately apparent she knows nothing about board games. I pull out our favourite gateway game and extol its many virtues: ease of learning, replayability, family-friendliness, etc. The customer seems happy, takes the box to look at, and fixates on game’s age rating, “8+.”)

Customer: “My husband is 36. This says eight.”

Me: “Ma’am, the age rating mostly informs about difficulty of rules. I know five-year-olds who play with family, and many adults who enjoy this game with friends.”

Customer: “But my husband is 36 years old. “

(I’m thinking, okay. Maybe the husband will play with his buddies and not with her. Something meatier, then. I take down a strategy/economy game and explain it, emphasizing required strategy, deep decision-making, and cutthroat player competition. She takes a look and sees a “12+” on the box.)

Customer: “It’s 12. He is 36.”

Me: “The age on the box is, roughly, when a player can understand the rules and play unassisted. An eight-year-old couldn’t play this alone; there’s too many things to keep track of. A 12-year-old could play, but not at a great level. An adult would be able to see and plan and use all the game has to offer. I promise it won’t be too easy or boring.”

(I go into this “teaching mode” for a few minutes, explaining and pointing out examples of how some of the most mind-bending, headache-inducing, multi-hour games only have “14+” age ratings and some of the greatest, most popular games worldwide are “8+” or “10+”. By the end, I can see in her eight-year-old son’s eyes that he understands. The customer is holding a box, thoughtfully looking at a picture of a game in progress. Then she raises her head.)

Customer: “But my husband is 36.”

(Eventually she picked out and bought an outdoor game of throwing wooden sticks at targets, presumably because it didn’t have an age listed anywhere on the box.)

Cashier: “Hello, ma’am. How may I help you?”

Customer: “I need a refund for this game!”

Cashier: “Was it defective?”

Customer: “It released evil spirits into my house!”

Cashier: “I’m sorry, ma’am. Unless it was defective, it cannot be returned once opened.”

Customer: “MY HOUSE IS CURSED BECAUSE OF YOU!”

(I see the title of the game at this point, Wii Play Plus, and know exactly what she is talking about.)

Customer: “YOU WILL GIVE ME A REFUND OR I WILL SUE THIS STORE FOR EVERY F****** PENNY!”

Me: “Excuse me, ma’am. The ghost mini-game does not actually detect real ghosts.”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “The Wii takes advantage of the Wii MotionPlus to detect where it’s pointing even if it’s off the screen. There are no actual ghosts in your house.”

Customer: “Well, I never! Who thought that was a good idea? People could get confused easily!” *flounces out, game in hand*

(The cashier wordlessly handed me a 75%-off coupon.)

(My mother and I are out shopping and she wants to pick me up the new game for Christmas to be sweet. I, in turn, have just purchased her a nice bottle of wine, which I am holding in a state bag. We go to [Video Game Store]. A woman and her son, who is around 16, are in line in front of us. The cashier is male and probably 20 years old.)

Son’s Mom: “I want to buy the new [Grand Theft Auto] game for my son.”

Cashier: “Oh, sick, man. It’s rated ‘M’ for nudity and violence, though. Like, you get to go to strip clubs and stuff!”

Son’s Mom: “I didn’t know that.” *to her son* “Did you know that?”

Son: “Yeah, that stuff is kind of part of the franchise.”

Son’s Mom: *shrugs and buys the game*

Cashier: “You’ll definitely enjoy it, man!”

My Mom: “Hi, I would like to buy this game.”

Cashier: “Are you buying it for her? It’s rated ‘M’ and there’s a bit of female nudity and violence. I really can’t recommend it to someone under 17.”

My Mom: “It’s a good thing that she’s never seen female nudity or violence in her 23 years she’s been alive.”

(I’m the manager on duty. I’m working in the back while my employee takes care of customers up front. It’s July but we’ve had a lot of people interested in reserving the new Call of Duty game that will be out in November.)

Employee: “This guy just called and wanted to know if we have Call of Duty: Black Ops 3. I told him it won’t be out until November.”

Me: “Okay.”

Employee: “Well, he asked if I’d sneak him a copy if he gave me $200.”

Me: “Seriously?”

Employee: “Yeah. I told him no, but he wants to talk to a manager.”

Me: “Wow. He’s seriously on hold for that? Wait, are you sure it’s not [Disgruntled Former Employee who’s prank called us before]?”

Employee: “I’m pretty sure it’s not him.”

Me: *picks up the phone* “Thank you for holding. This is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Hi, yes. I was just talking to your associate, [Employee], and he told me that I could get Black Ops 3 if I gave him $200.”

Me: “I don’t believe at all that [Employee] would have said that. Besides, that game doesn’t come out until November.”

Customer: “Well, he said that he’d sell it to me for $200.”

Me: “I can assure you that he did not tell you that. Even if I hypothetically believed you, it doesn’t change the fact that the game will not be released until November and we won’t physically have it in the store until then. So, is there anything I can actually help you with?”

Customer: “Well, what if you sold me the game and I gave you $200?”

Me: “No. Absolutely not.”

Customer: “But I’d give you $200. No one has to know.”

Me: “No.”

Customer: “Well, [Employee] said he’d sell it to me. Just put him back on the phone and you can listen in secretly and you’ll see.”

Me: “That’s not going to happen. He didn’t tell you that, and we don’t even have the game.”

(The customer starts trying to interrupt me at this point, and so far I’ve stayed remarkably calm, but I’m starting to lose my patience.)

Me: “I really don’t have time for this, so if you have a real question or something that I can actually help you with, then please feel free to call back, but right now I’m done with this conversation.” *click*

(I just started working at a game store that has an upper floor where people can go play games in private, and can also order some snacks. My new boss is telling me that before closing time I must go and clean the gaming rooms.)

Boss: “Be sure to check everywhere. You’ll be surprised by the ways customers can dirty up the place.”

(I go ahead and clean up the place. I do find a surprise while doing so, and when finish, I relate to my boss:)

Me: “Seems one of the kids that was here earlier didn’t finish his cheese snack and, for whatever weird reason, decided that the best course of action was to stuff the half-finished bag inside the couch.”

Boss: *chuckles* “I wish I could tell you that’s the weirdest thing I’ve found.”