The Perfect Man

, , | Right | January 10, 2020

(I work at a 24-hour coffee shop inside a university campus. I’ve seen plenty of people in the morning in which they’re not fully human.)

Me: “Here you go, miss, a large mocha!”

Customer: *stares at the cup*

Me: “Miss?”

Customer: *grabs the cup, raises her head, and stares right through me*

Me: “Uh… are you okay?”

Customer: “I love chocolate. One day, I’ll make a chocolate man, marry him, and then eat him!

Me: “You do that.”

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Robbed Of Their Chance To Rob The Place

, , , | Legal | January 6, 2020

One day, while I am standing on the sidewalk, waiting for my ride, I see some junkie pull a knife on the cashier of a nearby pharmacy. Now, this wouldn’t be that surprising, except for the fact that there’s a police station right across the street from said pharmacy, just behind me. 

I don’t even get out my cellphone; I just tap on the window and point when a couple of the officers inside look up from their paperwork.

They realize what’s happening, bolt out of the door, run seven yards, and tackle the would-be robber. Idiot.

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It Made Cents To Just Stick To The Original List

, , , , , | Working | November 12, 2019

It’s my first day working at a very small office. I don’t really have a specific role; I just do whatever is needed. My boss asks me to make a “shopping list” with all the office supplies we’ll need during the month, and their respective prices taken from the stores’ websites. I present a list of $208 worth of items. 

The next day, my boss takes the list but goes to a completely different store that I hadn’t considered in my research, and ends up buying other things. Between these discrepancies and some sales, her total spending comes up to… $208.10. She laughed and said she should’ve taken me to the casino for good luck.

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Allow Me To As-cyst You

, , , | Healthy | November 8, 2019

(I’m a licensed nurse. I work at a hospital, and I also make some money on the side by assisting a dermatologist at a private clinic when she needs an extra pair of hands for surgery. This patient has a cyst under the skin beneath her hair.)

Patient: “You have done this before?”

Me: “Sure! It’s actually pretty simple. We make an incision on your skin right here, drain the cyst, clean around, and sew you back up. I’m going to numb the area, so you won’t even feel a thing.”

Patient: “All right, then.”

Me: “Uh… look, honey, I’m going to have to shave your hair — a tiny spot right here — so that the doctor can see. I know, I know you won’t like that — no girl ever does — but I have to. Don’t hate me!”

Patient: *shrugs*

Me: *cuts the hair, and shaves the area*

Patient: *completely deadpan* “Oh, no, look at what you’ve done. Now I hate you.”

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Unfiltered Story #168982

, | Unfiltered | October 6, 2019

I Work as a manager in a pizza chain that also has video games and atractions for kids and family that happens to be a buffet, but right now we are short on personal so I am working as a cashier today, we open at 12:00 pm and it’s about 13:30 hrs, when two gentlemen and a girl walk in.

Me : Hi! Welcome to [Company’s name] pizza! My name is [my name], you come to the buffet today?

Customer #1: No we actually just came to ask.

Me: Right! So here’s a flyer with our prices, which are…-
(The youngest gentleman interrupts)

Customer #2: We want to know what is the cheese you use
(using those words exactly)

Me: um…?

Customer #3: Well… Cheese?
(The girl answered so sarcastically that I started to become a little bit confused)

Me: Well yes, it’s cheese.

Customer #2: NO! I want to know WHAT IS the cheese that you use!

Me: I’m sorry, the cheese we use is mozzare…-

Customer #2: UGH NO! WHAT IS THE CHEESE?

Me: My apologies, sir, I don’t quite understand your question. We use cheese. Which comes from processed Cow milk.
(At this point I’m started to get frustrated because he raised his voice at me)

Customer #2: CHEESE!!

(As he kept raising his voice and I am the manager, I decided to be sarcastic to see if this way I could finally understand what The hell did he meant with his question)

Me: We use dehydrated cheese.

Customer #2: I KNEW IT!!!! YOU ALL USE THOSE FAKE THINGS AND MAKE US BELIEVE THAT IS ACTUALLY FOOD!

The customer storms out and the others two just followed him quietly.
That’s a way to start a day.