Man: “Oh, miss! I notice your shirt says the ‘[Company] Steam Train.’ You work there?”

Me: “…yes?”

Man: “So there are, like… trains?”

Me: “Of course…”

Man: “So why are you at [Store]? Shouldn’t you be doing your job? There are no trains here!”

Me: “Sir, it’s called a lunch break.”

Man: “Oh…” *radiates a healthy scarlet color*

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(I receive a call from a customer.)

Customer: “Hi, I saw this book on television and I was hoping you’d have it in stock…”

Me: “Why, sure, ma’am. If you can just give me some more details, I will look it up on our computer.”

Customer: “Well, it was on Oprah recently, and it was a red book. And it had an award for it or something.”

(I check through our database of books that were recently shown on TV. Nothing comes up that remotely fits that description.)

Me: “Ma’am, I’m not seeing anything on our computer. Our company gets a list of books that are on television recently, and I can’t seem to find it. May I ask when you saw the particular episode?”

Customer: “Yeah, it was about five… maybe six-ish… years ago. Come on, do your f****** job. I already told you it was red! Find it already!”

Me: “Um, I’m sorry, ma’am, but this only lists books that were shown within the past two to three months. I can do a normal search if you can give me any other details, such as the author or genre–”

(She cuts me off.)

Customer: “F*** you! It’s RED! It’s rectangular! DO YOUR JOB AND FIND IT FOR ME OR I’LL HAVE YOU FIRED! YOU’LL NEVER WORK IN THIS TOWN AGAIN!”

(I just stopped talking and handed the phone to the manager on duty. I could hear the woman still frothing at the mouth, even as I walked quickly away from the phone! From what I hear, of course, we never figured out what it was, but she hung up eventually, screaming all the while she’d have our store torn down for being such incompetent people.)

This story is part of our Customers With Super-Vague Requests roundup!

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(We keep lids for our yogurt cups behind the counter and ask each customer if they need one when we give them their order.)

Me: “Would you like a lid for that?”

Female Customer: “No, thank you.”

Me: “Alright, have a nice day.”

(She continues to just stand there after I walk away.)

Female Customer: “Fine! I guess I don’t get a lid then!”

Customer’s Boyfriend: “You just told her you didn’t want one.”

Female Customer: “Oh yeah…”

Me: *facepalm*

(The following took place outside a small dentist’s office. The client requested an electric sign that that was a full-color copy of their business card, it took four weeks to fabricate and cost $3500.)

Dentist’s Wife: “Wow, that turned out JUST perfect! My husband is going to be so pleased to see that up when he gets back.”

Me: “I’m glad you like it, we’re very happy how it all came together.”

(A crane truck and two installers hoist the sign in the air, attach it to the 16′ pole and turn the lighting on.)

Dentist’s Wife: “Oh wait, that’s… that’s not right, you need to take it down now, I don’t believe this!! I want our money back!”

Me: “Ma’am? What’s wrong?”

Dentist’s Wife: “Well look at it, will you? It’s not right, it’s not the same as our card.”

Me: *pulling out my paperwork* “Now ma’am, both you and your husband approved the design, you signed off on the comps, the shop drawings, the contracts and all the permitting. We just can’t be expected to–”

Dentist’s Wife: “Any fool can see that these do not look the same! Oh, my husband is going to be so mad with you people!”

Me: “But why? We’ve worked closely with you on every step of the approval process, they are identical in every way.”

Dentist’s Wife: “Just look at this and you can see how different they are!”

(She holds the business card up at arm’s length and closes one eye.)

Dentist’s Wife: “Look! Look! The sign… the sign, it’s just so much… bigger!”

This story is part of the Artists-Versus-Clients roundup!

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Me: *answering the phone* “Hello, [Buffet]…”

Customer: “Um, yes, I need to order something. Um, I just don’t know what it is. Can you tell me?”

Me: “Maybe can you describe it?”

Customer: “Uhhh, yeah, it had some sort of meat and a sauce and vegetables…”

(We have over a hundred items on our menu, almost ALL of them have a meat/vegetable/sauce combination.)

Me: “Well, do you know if it was chicken or beef?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Well, was it spicy or sweet?”

Customer: “I don’t know.”

Me: “What sort of vegetables we in it?”

Customer: “Just regular ones.”

Me: “Ma’am, we have over a hundred items on our menu, most of them being a combination of meat, vegetable, and a sauce. If you can remember something specific about it I might be able to guess what you had since I’m familiar with the items on the menu. Is there ANYTHING you remember about it?”

Customer: “Yeah I told you, it was really good and had meat in it!”

Me: *gives up* “I’m sorry, ma’am, I’m not sure what you had.”

This story is part of our Customers With Super-Vague Requests roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

15 Hilarious Stories About Customers Demanding The Impossible

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