I work in a living history museum, where we dress up and work using the tools and methods appropriate for the time period the museum focuses on. While some of the tools we use or have on display look odd compared to their modern counterparts; others are often recognizable.
Visitor: “What are those iron things up there on the mantle?”
Me: “Those are irons.”
Visitor: “Oh, what are they used for?”
Me: *Pause* “Ironing.”
Coming back to work from lunch, I am cut off by a guy who stops in the middle of the road because a fire truck has pulled up to turn out of the fire station. He stops for absolutely NO REASON; the fire truck isn’t going anywhere code. It has no lights or sirens on, nothing.
I throw up my hands as if to say, “What the f*** are we waiting for?” The guy jumps out of his car and storms up to my window.
Guy: “I’m stopping because the yellow light is flashing! That means that they are pulling out, and legally, that means I have to stop!”
Me: “No, that light always blinks yellow to warn you to pay attention because they do come out of there quickly, and at that point, you are to stop!”
Guy: “Wrong!”
The fireman overhears the whole conversation and yells from the fire truck:
Fireman: “Sir, she’s right! That light always blinks yellow as a caution to pay attention, not because we were pulling out.”
Embarrassed, the guy hops back into his car and storms off. I follow him up to the front of our building where he parks and gets out and walks to our door. Realizing we are closed for lunch, he turns around right into me.
Me: “Can I help you with something?”
Guy: “Why are you following me?”
Me: “Sir, I work here!”
He won’t be a return customer!
(I am dealing with a heart condition that I’ve only just learned about. Anything that raises my heart rate or blood pressure too much can send me into a gasping fit as my heart tries to keep up. It should be noted that I have Asperger’s and can get unreasonably upset if I have to repeat the same answer multiple times. My boss is aware of this and working with me on how to handle it. I’m currently in a meeting with another team, retroactively discussing an issue we had.)
Other Manager: “Well, we just don’t understand how this even happened.”
Me: “According to the audit logs, someone logged into the account and performed [action]. That lead to the system recognizing that’s what the user wanted, so it did [other action] for it.”
Other Manager: “Well… can you guarantee this won’t happen again?”
Me: “Well… No… can’t guarantee that someone won’t log into the account and perform [action] again.”
Other Manager: “Why doesn’t the system protect against that?”
Me: “Because it’s what is supposed to happen anytime someone performs [action]. Every other team uses it in that manner. It’s just that your team doesn’t need it; I’m not even sure why someone on your team needs to use that function.”
Other Manager: “Oh, they don’t. We didn’t even know that’s what it does.”
Me: “Well, then, it sounds like the solution is to tell your team to stop doing it.”
Other Manager: “Well, can you guarantee it won’t happen to us again?”
(That cycle repeats itself a few times. Around the fifth time we get to that question, I lose control of myself and throw my politeness out the window)
Me: *angrily* “NO! Can you guarantee that your team has more brains than you do?!” *starts gasping and slumps down onto the ground*
Other Manager: *oblivious* “I just don’t see how this even happened!”
My Boss: “[Other Manager], I’m going to stop you right there. First, we need to get [My Name] to the hospital.” *looks at other person in meeting, who is already calling 911* “Second, [My Name] has already answered that four times. He’s answered all of your questions four times and I’m satisfied with what he’s given you. Go figure out how to stop your team from being as stupid as you are because right now, your stupidity is literally killing one of my best.”
Me: “Thank you for calling the Law Office of [Lawyer]. How may I help you today?”
Caller: “I missed a call from this number; is this a restaurant?”
Me: “No, ma’am, I’m sorry. This is a law office.”
Caller: “Oh! I’m sorry, then. Thank you!” *Hangs up*
Not even two minutes later, I take a call from the same caller. This time she has the right number and I take her message for the lawyer to call her back. Before the call ends…
Me: “Thank you for calling! I’ll make sure the attorney gets your message.”
Caller: “Thank you! And by the way, this is not a restaurant, right?”
(While working on getting new full-time work, I take on a couple of extra part-time jobs so I lose money more slowly while I’m still under-employed. One of those jobs is working at a store that specializes in selling secondhand Apple devices. The store also does repairs and I am hired as a technician. At this point in my life, I’m in my thirties, I’ve already been working in IT in some form for ten years, I have a Bachelor’s degree in Computer Engineering, and I have many industry certifications including a full CCNP. I’m interviewing for $100K+ jobs, so fixing laptops and iPhones in the backroom of a shop is more than one step back for me, but the extra money is helpful.
The manager is the only full-time position; there are two part-timers besides myself. The manager is not the most reliable person and frequently doesn’t show up or leaves and doesn’t come back for the day. He also refuses to ever turn down a repair job, leaving me to struggle at tracking down replacement parts for ten-year-old or older laptops and hope they function correctly when I install them. I’ve told him that he should insist that those customers replace their computers, but he’d rather I just repair any computer he throws at me.
Eventually, my time there is coming to an end. I have several promising interviews and need the time to prepare for them, but I agree to remain on-call until I start my new job. My boss has put out an advertisement but is quite disappointed by all the applicants he has been receiving.
This takes place after a twenty-year-old college student comes by to discuss his application with the manager and me. The guy is in college and has a little part-time experience, but he also spends a lot of time tinkering with devices he gets his hands on. I think he’d be great for the position, but my manager seems to disagree.)
Me: “What’s wrong with that guy? He’s sharp and eager to please.”
Manager: “He’s got no professional experience, no certifications, and he’s still in college!”
Me: “Are you… Wait, are you trying to find someone with my qualifications?”
Manager: *shrugs* “Something close, at least.”
Me: “[Manager]… I took this job as a temporary gig to make ends meet before starting a new professional job. You’re not going to find another 33-year-old Cisco Certified Network Professional who wants to make $16 an hour fixing iPhones. This is a job for a young, technically-minded person who’s just starting out in the job market, and quite frankly, they’d be better at it than me. I have one bad hand on top of a coordination disorder. I’m not well suited for working with tiny phone and laptop components. These kids are going to be faster than me and less likely to break things. That’s one of the reasons I switched from end-user support to networking. Yeah, he might need to use Google more often than I do, but that guy would be a great long-term replacement for me.”
(The manager still did not seem too enthusiastic despite my plea, and my last day came shortly after. The manager and the owner’s nephew were left to do all repairs themselves, but they were only experienced in fixing MacBooks and iPhones, so their ability to fix PCs was hampered without a tech. I stayed on as on-call only, but they only ever had me come in once before I accepted a new position out of state. I came by six months later when I was visiting Maryland and stopped into my old store. The manager was MIA that day, but there were two employees including the young man we interviewed before I left. Either the manager took my advice or he realized he had no choice but to hire him. I chatted and got caught up with them. The manager had been becoming less reliable since I left and would take off work to run errands or to study for a class with increasing frequency. I frankly cannot understand why the owner still keeps him around.)
