You Can Only Do So Much Against Stupid

(I am dealing with a heart condition that I’ve only just learned about. Anything that raises my heart rate or blood pressure too much can send me into a gasping fit as my heart tries to keep up. It should be noted that I have Asperger’s and can get unreasonably upset if I have to repeat the same answer multiple times. My boss is aware of this and working with me on how to handle it. I’m currently in a meeting with another team, retroactively discussing an issue we had.)

Other Manager: “Well, we just don’t understand how this even happened.”

Me: “According to the audit logs, someone logged into the account and performed [action]. That lead to the system recognizing that’s what the user wanted, so it did [other action] for it.”

Other Manager: “Well… can you guarantee this won’t happen again?”

Me: “Well… No…  can’t guarantee that someone won’t log into the account and perform [action] again.”

Other Manager: “Why doesn’t the system protect against that?”

Me: “Because it’s what is supposed to happen anytime someone performs [action]. Every other team uses it in that manner. It’s just that your team doesn’t need it; I’m not even sure why someone on your team needs to use that function.”

Other Manager: “Oh, they don’t. We didn’t even know that’s what it does.”

Me: “Well, then, it sounds like the solution is to tell your team to stop doing it.”

Other Manager: “Well, can you guarantee it won’t happen to us again?”

(That cycle repeats itself a few times. Around the fifth time we get to that question, I lose control of myself and throw my politeness out the window)

Me: *angrily* “NO! Can you guarantee that your team has more brains than you do?!” *starts gasping and slumps down onto the ground*

Other Manager: *oblivious* “I just don’t see how this even happened!”

My Boss: “[Other Manager], I’m going to stop you right there. First, we need to get [My Name] to the hospital.” *looks at other person in meeting, who is already calling 911* “Second, [My Name] has already answered that four times. He’s answered all of your questions four times and I’m satisfied with what he’s given you. Go figure out how to stop your team from being as stupid as you are because right now, your stupidity is literally killing one of my best.”