Some time ago, the UK switched its £5 and £10 notes from paper to plastic. Most people are indifferent to the change, but some are very vocal about how much they hate the new plastic notes. I get at least three customers a day complaining about them, but this one stands out.
Customer: “I f****** hate these new plastic notes.”
The note in question was a £20 note. Still paper.
The owners of the shop where I work have taken measures to protect staff and customers from any viral infection. These include a self-scan policy — which a lot of people find fun! — and card-only payments.
I have this customer come through my till. She starts unloading her shopping onto the counter, and as always, I give her a little time. A lot of customers know about self-scan by now so I like to give them a chance to get prepared, unload some shopping, and get bags ready.
Customer: “Give me a bag, as well. I left my car at home today to get some exercise so I might need a few.”
I now realise this customer might not know, so I give my standard instructions.
Me: “We are asking customers to self-scan at the moment if that is all right, just for everyone’s protection. Help yourselves to as many bags as you need.”
Customer: “What?”
Me: “We’re asking all customers if they can scan their own shopping.”
She picks up a packet of crisps and starts looking around dramatically.
Customer: “And where am I meant to do that?”
Me: “There’s the scanner just here. Just hold the product barcode against it and the beep will tell you it is registered.”
Customer: “Well, I forgot my glasses!”
Me: “The barcode is on the back of most products, so I can help guide you—”
She tosses the bag of crisps back on the counter.
Customer: “I’m blind. I’m registered disabled. Someone is going to have to do it for me.”
I gave my hands a good clean and started scanning her shopping for her. I probably wouldn’t have minded so much, but this customer then asked for specific scratch-cards, and for a bottle of vodka which was on the shelf behind the tills, and she could read the price to direct me to the one she wanted.
I know there are varying types of blindness where you can see close up better, or see distance better, but she had no problem seeing the scratch-card numbers, the price of the bottle, or the keypad to enter her PIN. I’d gladly take comments putting me right, just so I know this woman was a genuine case and not just “I’m not doing it myself”!
I know that customers are notoriously bad for ignoring signs, but this whole outbreak issue has seemingly bred a whole new breed of ignorant customers.
At the shop where I work, management has installed a hand sanitiser dispenser by the door. Because people use way too much, we run out quickly, and after having a stream of customers telling us it’s out, I decide to put a sign over it saying, “OUT OF USE.”
I’ve honestly lost count of how many people still press the lever violently trying to get sanitiser out despite there being a huge sign in capital letters saying, “OUT OF USE.” I even repositioned the sign to cover the lever, and several times that day I had to straighten it out because people had been lifting it out of the way to try and use the sanitiser underneath.
Also, we stopped accepting cash, finding it so much easier for all involved to use card only. Around the shop, we had at least ten signs saying, “NO CASH ACCEPTED,” even on the card machine outside the shop. These signs were on three of the fridges, along the barrier next to the tills, on every till point, as you come through the door, and on the exterior windows.
I have had customers do their entire shop and then come to the till and attempt to hand me cash. They then throw a hissy fit when I tell them I cannot accept it, and that we no longer have any cash on the premises to even give change. It’s usually at this point that I stare in disbelief at the massive sign right beside the customer saying that no cash is accepted at all. We also have people saying, “But it’s just £1!”. The amount doesn’t change the rule. No cash!
I’ve even witnessed a grown man storm off and throw the products back onto the shelves, swearing at the top of his voice about how ridiculous we were.
In a somewhat related comment, recently — because we’re operating self-scan only right now — a customer commented how it was like a holiday for us. Verbal abuse and growing stupidity on a daily basis and having to put ourselves at risk just so you can buy your groceries. Yep. Some holiday!
I’m out shopping for the first time since the lockdown. I’m waiting in line for the self-service while a customer stomps up to a manager, ignoring any social distance rules we’re expected to adhere to.
Customer: “I can’t believe you hired a [Chinese slur]!”
Manager: “Miss, I need you to calm down and leave my store. Everyone working is here because they are essential. If you’re going to abuse them, you are no longer welcome.”
Customer: “Well, you’ll see who comes to help you when she’s s***ing Ebola all over your floor!”
Manager: “That’s corona. Ebola was in Africa.”
The customer grumbled something that sounded like “stupid drunks” and left the store.
I saw her on my second visit, standing at the entrance shouting at a young Korean woman — who I know because she dated my sister — while she stood there with serene calm telling security to phone the police.
I own a cake shop. There is a display at the front showing various cakes we provide. None of them are real. This happens one morning just after I have opened.
Customer: “You have a cake in your window.”
Me: “Yes. Are you interested in buying?”
Customer: “Can I look at it?”
Me: “Certainly.”
I pull a catalogue from under the counter.
Me: “Which cake caught your eye?”
Customer: “No. I want to see the cake in the window.”
Me: “All of the cakes in the window are in this catalogue.”
Customer: “But I want to see the one in the window. Why can’t you show me?”
Me: “I can, but it isn’t real. The only difference between a cake in the window and one in the catalogue is that it’s 3D.”
Customer: “If it isn’t real, then what’s the harm?”
I agree and ask her to point out which cake she wants. I bring it over and place it on the counter.
Customer: “And how much is this cake?”
Me: “It comes in several sizes; I’ll just check.”
In the two seconds I look away from her, she picks it up and takes a big bite out of it. I turn back as she screams.
Customer: “THIS IS FAKE! IT’S STYROFOAM!”
Me: “Yes, it is.”
Customer: “You tried to sell me a fake cake!”
Me: “I told you it wasn’t real. You even said it wasn’t real before I brought it over.”
Customer: “YOU COULD HAVE KILLED ME! I’M SUING!”
She threw the cake to the ground, which caused the glass stand it was glued to to shatter. She stormed out, leaving me to fix the mess.
My daughter was in the back the entire time and asked if she should call the police. I decided against it and instead printed a picture of the woman’s face that was in clear view of the camera which overlooks the shop. The picture of her, taking a bite out of Styrofoam, now hangs on the wall behind the counter. While I had to get the cake remade, I think the laughs I get from the picture are worth the cost.
This story has been included in our June 2020 roundup as one of that month’s most memorable stories!
