The Cake Is Not A Lie; You’re Just Stupid

, , , , | Right | June 2, 2020

I own a cake shop. There is a display at the front showing various cakes we provide. None of them are real. This happens one morning just after I have opened. 

Customer: “You have a cake in your window.”

Me: “Yes. Are you interested in buying?”

Customer: “Can I look at it?”

Me: “Certainly.”

I pull a catalogue from under the counter.

Me: “Which cake caught your eye?”

Customer: “No. I want to see the cake in the window.”

Me: “All of the cakes in the window are in this catalogue.”

Customer: “But I want to see the one in the window. Why can’t you show me?”

Me: “I can, but it isn’t real. The only difference between a cake in the window and one in the catalogue is that it’s 3D.”

Customer: “If it isn’t real, then what’s the harm?”

I agree and ask her to point out which cake she wants. I bring it over and place it on the counter.

Customer: “And how much is this cake?”

Me: “It comes in several sizes; I’ll just check.”

In the two seconds I look away from her, she picks it up and takes a big bite out of it. I turn back as she screams.

Customer: “THIS IS FAKE! IT’S STYROFOAM!”

Me: “Yes, it is.”

Customer: “You tried to sell me a fake cake!”

Me: “I told you it wasn’t real. You even said it wasn’t real before I brought it over.”

Customer: “YOU COULD HAVE KILLED ME! I’M SUING!”

She threw the cake to the ground, which caused the glass stand it was glued to to shatter. She stormed out, leaving me to fix the mess. 

My daughter was in the back the entire time and asked if she should call the police. I decided against it and instead printed a picture of the woman’s face that was in clear view of the camera which overlooks the shop. The picture of her, taking a bite out of Styrofoam, now hangs on the wall behind the counter. While I had to get the cake remade, I think the laughs I get from the picture are worth the cost.


This story has been included in our June 2020 roundup as one of that month’s most memorable stories!

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