(I need to buy a new pair of shoes for work. I find a pair that looks suitable. There are discount stickers on the shelves above and below the shelf that my size is on, so I make sure that the shoes are the same style before heading to pay.)

Cashier: “That will be [full price], please.”

Me: “I thought these were on sale.”

Cashier: “I’ll call someone to check.”

(Another associate checks and comes back to say the price was right.)

Me: “Wait a minute. The identical shoes in size seven and above size nine are discounted.”

Associate: “Yes, that’s right.”

Me: “But size eight are full price?”

Associate: “Yep.”

(The associate says that as if that’s a completely normal thing. I have never heard of that before.)

Cashier: “So, that will be [price]; how do you want to pay?”

Me: “I don’t. Keep them.”

(The teenage associate rolled her eyes when the shoes were handed to her to take back.)

(The company for which I work has subscribed to a particular monthly industry report for almost two decades. The quality of the analysis it contains — and our use of the data — has declined in the last couple of years since the report’s original creator retired and sold the business. When our subscription comes up for renewal this fall, the amount invoiced is almost double last year’s. I contact them to find out why.)

Rep: “You can now have up to five user IDs!”

Me: “We don’t want five IDs. We only use one.”

Rep: “But you can have up to five, for the price of two!”

Me: “We don’t want five. We don’t want two. We only want one, and not for the price of two.”

(Whereupon I sally forth and find… another source! Almost all the same data! Best of all, it’s FREE! And so, I email the rep:)

Me: “Sorry, we’re not going to renew our subscription at this time.”

(To which, a day or two later, the rep responds:)

Rep: “Well, we can give you a single ID… for the same price as before. BUT YOU CAN HAVE UP TO FIVE, FOR THE PRICE OF TWO!”

(I just facepalmed.)

A young man is at my home, selling educational books door to door. He started his spiel even after I told him I wasn’t interested.

Me:
“My children are all adults, I have no grandchildren, and I know of no neighbors with school-age children. If we need information, we’ll use our computers or smartphones. By the way, your set includes a dictionary, right?”

Salesman:
“Yes, do you need one?”

I point to my sign above the doorbell.

Me:
“No, I want you to use it to look up what this means. Goodbye.”

And I shut the door.

A couple of days later, my next-door neighbor and I are talking.

Neighbor:
“Did that fellow who was selling books stop at your house the other day?”

Me:
“Yes, he appeared to be going to all the houses on the street.”

Neighbor:
“I thought he did. He told me all my neighbors he’d met so far were really nice, except that lady next door who was rude. And I said, ‘Oh, like this?’ and shut the door in his face.”

I guess he hadn’t looked up what “No Soliciting” meant, or he didn’t care.

(My boyfriend and I are downstairs at my family’s house when my brother calls down to say that a friend of his will be coming over and ask if we could let him in. About five minutes later, there’s a knock at the door and my boyfriend goes to answer it, though he’s still mostly focused on his phone.)

Visitor: “Um, hello, I’m–”

Boyfriend: “Hey, yeah, come on in. Just through here.”

Visitor: “Oh…” *hesitates* “All right, I guess.”

(He follows my boyfriend through to the kitchen and, just as he’s about to call up to my brother, my boyfriend turns to actually look properly at the guy he’s invited in.)

Visitor: “Hi, so, I’m here to talk to you about the great work that [Cancer Charity] is doing.”

(My boyfriend freezes, suddenly noticing that this guy is in uniform with a clipboard and realising his mistake. He’s pretty socially awkward normally, so he’s really not sure what to do.)

Visitor: *continues spiel*

Boyfriend: “Um… I thought–”

Visitor: *continues spiel*

Boyfriend: “Uh, I guess I can afford that…”

(And that’s how my boyfriend not only accidentally signed up to a monthly charity donation out of sheer embarrassment but also was too socially awkward to call and cancel the donation despite being a poor student who really couldn’t afford it.)

(This happens at an in-home cleaning products party when I am 23 but look much younger. As the room fills up, I realize that there aren’t enough chairs and give up my seat for the host as it’s her home and she’s much older than I am. I sit on the floor. Here are the interactions between myself and the lady who is presenting and selling the products.)

Sales Rep: *obviously mistaking me for a teenager as she’s handing out order forms and sees me sitting on the floor* “Did you want one, too?”

Me: *knowing I’m going to order around $700 worth of cleaning products* “Yes.”

(Later, after filling out my order form.)

Me: “Hi, I’ve filled this out but [item] is on sale for [cheaper price] than the price listed. How do I adjust that on the form?”

Sales Rep: *not listening to me at all* “What you do, sweetie, is add up the prices and put the total here at the bottom.”

Me: “Yes, I’ve done that for everything else but what about this item that’s on sale? Where do I record the sale price when it’s already listed as [normal price]?”

Sales Rep: *finally paying attention* “Oh, sorry. Wow, you’ve ordered a lot of stuff here.”